I mean, like any other wound, if you don’t treat it in time it could get infected and destroy that whole organ.

Ok, this subject may be a bit tabu to write about it on a blog (even for me) but think about it… no mather the wound, in order to heal it, first you need to let it free so that the misery inside it will go away…

How do you perform an operation on an open-soul without using anesthesia? How do you sew it back together to heal properly? What do you do with that misery? What do you do with that black part that was removed from it? How do you vanquish it so it will not infect other souls?

What if that wound is already too big and too infected to be healed? Do they make soul transplants, too?

Do they?! Because I do have a piece of good soul that I wish to donate to you. But you have to promise me that you will have very good care of it, because it’s the last piece that I can afford to give away without completely destroying mine.

Or… you could still let me have access to this piece of soul that I’m donating to you. So come a little closer… you may alreday feel it too, while it will still stay inside of me.

Are they soul groups too? What if my soul group is not compatible with yours? What if the rest of your soul will destroy that little piece that I’m freely giving you?

Which is the universal soul group that can be transplanted to anyone?
Does unconditional love needs practical actions in that direction?
Will anyone ever be able to respond to me to all these questions?

Some time ago I said on a blog that I’m happy that I don’t look like a model because I would probably be making too many guys suffer due to my emotional coldness.

Now, when I’m starting to really feel happy about the way I look and the way I’m able to face life’s downs with more confidence and a bit of humor, I’m starting to face the situation above: I am starting to hurt people… or maybe I’m still hurting myself believing that I’m causing suffering, because I sure know how it feels to be rejected.

I do have my own principles in life and some standards, to say it this way: I value studies very much. Yeah, I may be old fashioned and this may not truly reflect the quality of that individual, his moral values or his abilities, but if he does not have at least what I’m having: a BA, a MA, one semester studying abroad and one foreign language certificate, I will never be able to see him as my equal. And yeah… I’m the center of my universe!

This evening when I was coming home from my acting classes, while waiting alone for the tram, I was approached by a guy in an “electrical” suit… perhaps he was stroked while fixing the wires from those incredibly large holes in the pavement in the walking area… First we made eye contact and I thought he is going to ask me “what time is it” or something. Well… he didn’t. He asked me what I’m doing.

Now, looking back, I don’t quite know if I should respond him at all or just ignore him. Because the next question was: “Could I have your phone number?”

And my next answer was: “Aren’t you getting a little too bold, perhaps?!”

And this reaction made me happy, because I felt able to defend myself. Yeah, some of you girls out there are probably facing this on a daily basis, but I’m not used to this kind of behavior. The guy was kind of looking good, to admit it, and perhaps in a different location or circumstances he would have gotten my phone number.

This reminded me of a guy last summer that approached me after getting down from the bus and asked me out for a juice and a pizza. And oddly as it may sound, I did say yes: I was single, I was confident about the way I was looking, so why not? I felt he was nice and polite. But after the pizza and a very funny hour spent talking, while walking me home, he tried to hug me and to kiss me… by force. Bad idea!! Very bad idea…

Now I believe that real love does not ask you in plain street for your phone number (although, I guess if he had asked me about my twitter account he would have left a lot more satisfied), does not follow you around and most of all, does not try to kiss you by applying force.

Anyway… what happened to me this evening with the “electrician” made me realize a lot of situations when I was in his “emotional” place. Except that… I never tried to do this with someone I didn’t know for a while from a class or from friends or perhaps work. So, as a conclusion, I have to say that we all need love in our lives and we all need sacrifice in our life in order to understand that real love.

Why would anyone want this? I met a guy once who was very happy about this achievement of his: Invisibility. And not knowing, on that time, what’s good for me in this world, I followed him for a while in his spiritual journeys… and inevitably I ended up disappointed, in a place I never imagined or wanted to be. In a place where every minute I felt I should defend myself and my own personality.

There was a different world in front of me, but the strings I had from the people of my past and from my family didn’t allow me to continue on that road.

One thing is funny though, I’m writing in English because I want to practice it more in order to be better. No, I’m lying. I’m practicing it more only to be able to get a job. A better job than the ones I had already. And by doing this I realize that I’m somewhat more exposed, because now my message is international… and by the offline messages I received from this American guy when I started my computer this morning, I may say that he either reads this blog, or he has some “special mission” to wake me up and bring me on “The Good Road”, as if I’m the lost sheep or something…

You know, last night I made a funny test on facebook and the result was that the element of my soul is Darkness… only because I’m not that social, than most people would want me to be. And this is only because I love to spend time alone with myself and I prefer the interactions I have with other people to be meaningful and important, not small-talk. Now I hate small-talks. A “hi”, “thank you” and “bye” is enough for a small-talk for me.

Ok. Now about the invisibility part. Sometimes I have the feeling that the only person I’m really fighting with in this world is me. And this impression was already confirmed two times in this life, when the guy I wanted was dating another “Stefania”. Yeah, two times, two different guys already! Or, at least this is what I’ve heard… And thinking that these two guys have any connection with one another except me, it seems… I don’t know… it seems… I cannot even think about an hypothesis like this.

Some days ago I wanted to talk to my future self just to see if I’m on the right road. This is interesting too, since I never dreamed about me talking to me, or seeing my image in a dream, except from dreaming with my reflection in a mirror. And just one time, when accepting the message from the dream was very painful, I wanted to change places with someone else and that opened another door into my reality… but only to bring me in the exact same place. Just like wandering around in spiritual circles. But perhaps a little more creative and perhaps… a little more wise. In the exact same place, with the price of the lost time for some new ideas.

On that exact moment I wasn’t able to see the meaning of it, but last week, the owner of the flat I’m renting came to visit. She always comes out of the blue, she’s Aquarian… although this was the second time I saw her. Her first name is Stefania too. And this was one of the reasons I accepted to move in here in the first place, because I felt it like an opportunity to talk with “my future self”.

She’s an old lady, somewhat senile, but nice at heart. After she took away the courtain from my kitchen window (actually, she asked me to take it down for her), I invited her for a coffee. She was surprised by my amiability. And she was even more surprised when I told her to pour some regular milk into her coffee, because it will have a different taste. She liked it! After she left me with no “protection” for my kitchen window, she liked it! And she was happy about it too… she was happy that at her age she was able to learn something new from “the younger her”. And yeah, I have replaced that courtain in the dream of the night after

If this is called invisibility in time and space I have to say that I like it. If this means to arrive in a foreign place exactly when there’s a guide there, I like it. If this means to arrive for an interview or for a normal visit in front of a foreign building exactly when someone else is unlocking the door for himself, I like it too. But I will never want to be alone. This is why this world is made by many people. This is why there are more girls, women and old ladies called Stefania in this world, isn’t it? To learn from eachother!

I even met through a social network a girl that was born in the same day as me. She was the wife of a friend of a friend. What more could I wish for from this topic?

I’ve somewhat accidentally stumbled upon this movie, while reading some stuff about Natalie Portman. “Natalie and Scarlett, in the same movie, that should be interesting!”, I told myself. Although, as a woman, I should say that my favorite character is the King.

Since I started to download the movie I was thinking to write a new article on my blog with this title, as I thought it to be interesting, but as the movie starts to play this does not seem to be something I would wish to be associated with, I mean, with Anne, the other Boleyn Girl.

That was a hard drama movie and something to make me think about my plans and the way I want to make them real. This girl, Anne, manipulated by her family, just like her little sister Mary, starts by seducing the king, playing hard to get, in order to convince him to get ride of his queen and marry her. And that because they had to provide the England’s throne with a male inheritor!

By the end she is convicted by dead penalty, charged with adultery and incest, because in her madness to cover the miscarriage of a baby boy, she’s seen in the preliminary stages of sexual intercourse with her brother… And all this, after the part when her sister Mary, which was already married and living peacefully at the camp side with her husband, lives as the mistress of the king and gives birth to a baby boy that he cannot recognize officially, while still married with a queen that cannot carry anymore.

Yeah, and in the end the throne is given to the first child he had with Anne, which was a baby girl named Elisabeth. And this reminded me of another kingdom-like drama-movie, called “Anna and the King of Siam”.

“Anna and the King of Siam”, with my favorite actress, Jodie Foster, produced a lot of revelations in my mind, due to the story that I wrote the same year as this movie was released, called “Anna and Leo”. So, another story about Leos and Kings!

A Leo and a King… astrology says that this is basically the same thing. And this is how I end up seeing the movie above, wanting to learn how to behave and how to make myself respected like a queen, while I was trying to catch my own Leo. Different variations of Mars in Leo, to be honest, but it’s true what they say, they’re not very difficult to be caught, with the proper fire at heart, the challenge stays in keeping them interested in you for a long run.

And although my favorite King is Russel Crowe from “The Gladiator”, and more recently, from “Robin Hood”, while stepping into the real world, or… into the world of magic in the real world, I have started to become very scared about the means I am using to catch my own Leo. Or my Aquarius… or my Virgo…

Only to support the wrong idea from the first movie, that led to the execution of two brothers of the Boleyn Family, that the “the means are justified by the results”, I’ll bring into this blog-post another movie: Charmed.

A series actually, that I’m currently watching all over again, with interesting insights about moral values in the use of magic, made me realize the exact same thing: that I’m scared about using something that I have little knowledge of. So, in the chapter of today, Pheobe was sent ten years into the future to change it, because she was to be convicted to death by incineration, just like a witch, because she was using her magical powers for her own egotistical reasons and she ended up killing a mortal for revenge.

And, to be even more honest, taking into consideration that I was born a Sagittarius and they say that these talk a lot about things they have little or no idea at all about, I state here and now that I have no other knowledge of magic, other than astrology, numerology and some Reiki initiations I’ve attended some years ago, that I don’t even use. But the most important thing that I believe I have is the power to bring into consciousness all the daily attacks that I’m receiving, before they end up consuming my mind.

This is exactly what happened to me some days ago, when some girl told me that I’m losing my dignity trying to catch a guy. And because I didn’t want to believe her, or plain said, I didn’t want to understand her, during my last cold I’ve developed some strange irritation to my nose and somehow, each time I was accidentally touching it with things, which somehow seemed to be happening a lot more frequent than normally, because it was hurting, made me realize that there is some magical potential into this to discover.

And by searching by the Romanian meaning of “hurting someone’s nose”, I understood that I’m only persecuting myself with no real motives. I’m not the Queen of England, less one of the Charmed ones, and the guy I was after is much less a King (celebrating his birthday without me because he loathes drama!!). And this is why I’ve decided to point my arrows onto a Scorpio ) At least they understand my passion for this type of knowledge. Or, I hope!

PS: God, writing in English is consuming… killed 3 hours by putting this together.