I didn’t really want to write on my blog today also, since I have the feeling that I’m producing something useless, since no one seems to be reading it, but I got used to it and stopping makes me feel weird. I’m curious to see if my brain works also on an empty stomach.

I just came back from the dentist and since I cannot eat for 2 hours, I will write something to inspire me for the weeks to come. Which makes me think: somehow my mind makes a connection between creating and eating, since writing my thoughts gives me the same emotional fulfillment as eating. I should study more about this… perhaps it has to do with the Moon.

Anyway, accessing the core of my feelings and writing everything down as crazy as may sound, helped me lose about 25 pounds in the past months. But I’m even more ambitious, I want to reach a total body weight of 140 pounds, which at a 5’8” height should be pretty cool.

Now, from a different point of view, since Venus and Jupiter just started their normal motion, I should experience even more fortunate changes that will make me happy and fulfilled. Can’t wait for Uranus to start its normal path, straight on my 5^th house cusp! Btw, isn’t it funny to feel fulfilled only by studying the planets moving and experiencing their energy? And since they will never stop, it gives one a sense of a higher meaning and a hope that everything goes just the way it should be.

Yeah, and in case someone started to feel envy on me, I tell you I didn’t win a BMW or those GBP, it was just a spam email playing with my feelings and I still don’t have a job, although every week I have 1-2 interviews… lucky I have mom and dad for financial support and my brother, who lives with me, for emotional support.

By the way, now I think I’m dependent with drinking coffee: half cup hot coffee and half cup cold milk, without sugar. Anyone?

No particular reason for writing this story, except there were some times in my life, that I’m proud to remember.

The first one was a time of genuine happiness, which starts in the spring of 2001.

In a girls magazine I found this announcement, promoting Avon, asking if you want to become a representative. It was a moment of incredible excitement, when I decided to actually fill in the form and send it back by post. I thought it will bring along incredible new opportunities and it will make me beautiful, rich and famous. I was 17, what more could you expect from a girl that age?

After a week or two of waiting for an answer I forgot about it and came back to my genuine boy-crushes. Until this evening, about two months after, when my mom rushed into my room telling me there’s Avon on the phone and wants to speak with me. Imagine my heart beating faster, when a nice womanly voice asked me to come for an interview and a cosmetics presentation.

I was absolutely fascinated. Every little tube and jar and colored box and powder and cream and gel, made my mind sparkle! I remember that first month, it was the 6th campaign of 2001, it was a time when the catalogues didn’t even had the prices printed in, they were coming on a different flyer. It was the campaign when they’ve launched the „Strawberries&Cream” Bath Foam, which smelled so good that you wanted to eat it. It was the campaign when they’ve launched the Pur Blanca Perfume Eau de Toilette, that I loved and I still own a bottle. It was a time when they’ve re-launched the Perfect Wear line of lipsticks and eye shadows. It was a time…

Avon was my first job, which I started with my mom’s ID because I wasn’t old enough of age, to sign contracts. It was a fantasy at the beginning and each time my boxes were arriving home, even if, at first, I had to go and pick them up from my Coordinator, it felt as if “my babies are coming home from the kindergarden” . My Avon Coordinator was an amazing woman who inspired me and made me want to develop my people skills. She was so patient and caring and you could see how much she loved what she was doing.

Things were nice, even after I came to Bucharest and I had to wait for some incredible long lines to pick up my “babies”, at the main Avon Office, in the Lahovari Square. I was still managing to make at least one order each campaign, until I went to Spain. And when I came back, Avon was still waiting for me. I can only thank my Coordinator for keeping my account open. I think I really stopped doing it in the spring of 2006, when I got a real job, but I was still missing my Avon boxes.

You know, girls don’t go into Avon for the money… they go to learn how to work with people and how to use cosmetics. They go to learn how to be self motivated and how to be responsible with money which aren’t yours. In all these years I don’t remember buying something else from my earnings except cosmetics. So I guess their marketing and management system was very good, since the discounts were used to buy even more things from them.

Avon actually inspired me to follow this Masters in multimedia production, due to their photoshoped pictures and amazing colours of their broshures and catalogues.

I also remember, in College, in the winter of 2003, when I went to an Amway presentation, but that was a whole new different thing and although I’ve spent weeks studying their products on the website I didn’t actually want to get in. It seemed a very serious thing and needed some serious investments.

And then, some years have passed and I’m back into the Cosmetics Kingdom with BellaPierre. In the winter of 2008, a 6 months self-employed working contract in the UK and the promises of living in a house with other Romanian girls, was very appealing.

Except, when I realized how much power a nice look and a smiling word, in marketing & sales, could have over a person’s psyche and over their decisional center, it started to freak me out. I think they hate me there, for leaving that soon, or perhaps I’m just too hard on myself, for not being able to endure it longer. The thing was, I was attracted to this world and I wanted to do something else to test my limits. Or, I was just running away from something I couldn’t have back home. There were, though, two very intense weeks, in which I’ve spent about 800 GBP (counting in also the airplane tickets), but I just cannot regret.

Things in life always have a connection even if it’s not visible from the first time you see them.

And after all these experiences, I guess Health is the most important thing one should wish for, cause if you have that, everything else can be achieved. Even Love. and Science Fiction

I don’t like Earth anymore with its stupid attraction laws, so, please SEND me back home… you have a way now, through that „30 years young” black hole discovered „in our cosmic backyard”: Only 50 million light-years away from Earth!!!

How much power do you think A mortal’s WISH has? Could it have enough power to determine other people to actually make mistakes in your favor? Could it screw with databases and create viruses? Anyway, what is happening HERE these days seems way beyond the limit of normality…

How often do people receive a phone call from a recruitment agency starting with: „We’ve called you to discuss this offer, you start working on Monday!”. As in, on the 22^nd of the 11^th. And my first thought was: „Hold on… it seems I’ve missed some episodes… Rewind!”

Ok. So, after losing two times a love-competition against „myself – as the first name” (which is actually the middle name, but this is the one I normally use), now I’ve lost a job competition against „myself – as the first name AND the last name”!

Correlated with a girl who, a couple of days ago, asked me if I’m that „Stefania Arsene” that she’s looking for, which was married and then divorced, which I’m not (I guess!?), makes this a type of First Degree Life Event with a probability of less than… I don’t know, you do the math!… impossible.

Yeah, I’m writing for Joshua Jackson, I’m madly in love with him. By any chance, don’t you have some spare CHANGE for my flight-ticket to Vancouver? Who knows, maybe I’ll get a “one frame part” in the 4th Season! After all, everybody makes mistakes.

Especially now, since I’m “the proud owner of a brand new BMW 2010 X6 35iM (2010 Modern) car and a cheque of £750,000.00GBP (Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand Great British pounds) in your name.”

This type of coincidences makes me think that something is screwing badly with MY DESTINY. Or at least with my emotions… I have hopes and wishes too, I wait for answers, I need money… I hate losing… but most of all, I hate losing against „myself”! So, please, allow me, this time, to keep the last piece of dignity I have left.

I’m a human being too, you know?! Or, maybe I’m a shape-shifter, full of Mercury. Although, a life-time ago, when I checked, my blood was still red .Yeah, just as we say: „God and it’s infinite Garden of Heaven”. This is kind of true if you think at our galaxy as the house and this open universe space surrounding it as the garden…

The Conclusion: The Earth doesn’t need me to work. And why would I do that, since it already has the whole Galaxy at its disposal to search for energy?!! But, which is even funnier, you will dismiss this hypothesis because it seems to be TOO crazy, only to discover a couple of days after that I was actually right.

While, in this new parallel universe, the all-knowing and all-mighty you, only has to blend in, by using this new personality that you are allowed to have, yet still remain true to yourself, grounded on your needs and focused on the management of your wishes, in both of these places.

There are points in one’s life when it seems that the normal events line stops for a moment and then starts to spin backwards. Sometimes this retrograde motion goes for two or three weeks and then starts again in the normal way.

But there is this one time when it goes backwards on a very-very-fast-rewind mode until the moment of your own birth.

Sometimes, even a moment before that. And when it starts to spin again in the right way, you think that your old life is lost and you need to re-write your soul path, with this new life, using the knowledge that you’ve gained by learning from the mistakes you’ve made during all this “rewind time”. It’s like… when you didn’t pass an exam at school and they make you do it again!

Except that… this doesn’t work quite that way… When you start your life all over again you start it only in your perception of yourself and everyone else expects you to act your age and your education as if nothing happened. Everyone else expects you to act like you’ve been here and only here from the beginning.

And yet, this time, for you it feels like you’re living in two different places, while still working for the evolution and development of your own self. Only that, now, you live in two parallel universes in the same time and you’re holding upon yourself the responsibilities of two different universes. Yeah, just like Peter Bishop.

In one universe, the only thing you need to work upon are your communication skills. You need to work to become a proficient speaker and writer, in two or three foreign languages (sometimes, even more than three) and you need to use a variety of soft skills, empathy, active listening and proactivity, in order to find your way through different cultural and educational environments.

While, in this new parallel universe, the all-knowing and all-mighty you, only has to blend in, by using this new personality that you are allowed to have, yet still remain true to yourself, grounded on your needs and focused on the management of your wishes, in both of these places.

Two parallel universes that seem to have absolutely nothing in common. Except you – as the bridge that holds them both together, yet still dividing them apart. Just like the rung of a ladder  - with one end, as the beginning of your life, in the first parallel universe and the second end, as the ending of your life in the second parallel universe.

I did say, one time ago, that two parallel universes join together exactly in the moment you use them both in the same phrase. It’s just a matter of a Higher Perspective.

I don’t write reactively, I write actively. I don’t write to express grief or frustrations, I write because I want to create something. Writing is a dreamer’s way of producing.

Writing is a way of making puzzles. No, writing is sometimes more than a puzzle, is a magical act. And switching between words is like opening new portals into awareness.

I want to be a Fiction Writer.

I want my writings to be considered Fiction, because no one will ever believe I’m real by writing what I think, what I believe in and what I live, in my daily life.

Or perhaps, this impression, that I have about the people around me, is the product of a wrong perceptive system, which underestimates their abilities of perceiving creation. But the energy I use by adjusting the way I am perceiving them, drains me, which actually prevents me from achieving something. So, I may say that I’m only a dreamer. I think real things, but I’m still a dreamer. I write, but I’m still a dreamer. Sometimes, the whole process of writing feels like dreaming.

It’s tough, though funny. Someone, who made me think that he can really understand me, told me once that by writing what I think I’m only mourning over or procrastinating… but I’m not. I see writing as a work too, since I work to find the right words to express what I want to write, since I write only with dictionaries by my side, to be sure that I’m not misinterpreting a word, which could give a whole new meaning to the text.

I don’t write reactively, I write actively. I don’t write to express grief or frustrations, I write because I want to create something. Writing is a dreamer’s way of producing something. Writing is a way of making puzzles. No, writing is sometimes more than a way of making puzzles and typing is a way of making magic. And switching between letters, words and punctuation marks is like opening new portals into awareness. I even think that writing should be as hard as making music!

I want people not to associate me with my writings, because this is the only way I will be able to detach myself from my creation and write new things each time. In the end, you will find a pattern or a resemblance in my texts and you will be able to tell where is me, but what I really want is to be me everywhere. Or nowhere at all. Just like those pictures with a double image: from one side shows you something and from a different side shows you a whole new different thing.