Usually when I go for a trip in a place I don’t know, with the map in front, or even without it, I keep on walking apart from the main point for the half of the time. So far it didn’t happen to find myself unable to arrive back using the other half of the time..

The bad part is that I went too far this time, that far that there is no main point anymore… as if Earth got away from its orbit around the Sun, gravitating now directly around the Vega.. or around some other enormous star which holds the Sun into its orbit..

Yet there is no such thing as a higher octave of Jupiter. Yet. Let alone… to be retrograde… I’m not able to understand how this could work out right. But who cares, I’m in the week where I don’t have to try to understand And who knows, maybe there is some level where the Earth is the equal of the Sun.

Update: as tribut for the gran finale of this season of Vampire Diaries =))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I was thinking all the way home, from Strossmayerovo náměstí, in the tram 5, then in the metro from Náměstí Republiky until Nové Butovice, then in bus 164, which should be the best way to write about this exercise that I have to practice for this week, from my acting class: to stop trying to understand.

Is it really such thing possible? Living without trying to understand?! For the past years the ability to understand got to be my most valuable asset, where I got to understand almost everything.

How could I live from now on? What should I do if not to understand? Should I just say “I don’t understand” even before trying to do so? If I’ll say that, which would be the consequence? Is it allowed to say “I don’t understand” in all sectors of my life?

Actually this may be a very interesting challenge Maybe I will get to discover parts of myself I wasn’t aware about before. Maybe I will get to discover parts of other people I wasn’t aware about before…

There are (other) times in life when you are faced to accept that people you once considered perfect – because you were not able to find them any flaws - people you admired that much until the point of sanctification, creating your whole life path with them in the centre… are not more than just people.

And maybe even with a lower degree of expertise in the field you are meant to grow. What I’m saying is that there are times in life when your paradigm has to change, just because the potential of the people’s reinventing themselves with the purpose of inspiring you already got to the peak.

So what you actually do in this situation? You keep on being a teacher, promoting what you learned at your point, even if the channel used for transmitting may not be available to be opened anymore? You decide to go in a different place and find other hungry students eager to tune in to your channel and keep feeding your self-esteem… as a teacher? Or you adjust your own channel for transmitting, to a more suitable frequency (and bandwidth) so you can affect also the new students and the first people in the question ?!

Now that I finished the introduction… what is really bothering me is that I never knew when/what was the optimum level of concentration required for me to invest in that relationship. Which were the real (needed) expectations… There were always too many ways to choose from and I was not able to grasp the long-term one. But is doesn’t matter anymore, because I know which is the optimum level of concentration required to keep my actual one.

Which reminds me that I wrote yet another useless post, with knowledge channeled from sources way higher than me, knowledge that I’m not even sure I can integrate, in order to increase my productive capacity… Shortly: yet another hour invested from my actual productive time into simply spoiling the goose.

Nevertheless, just as much as it may go for improving my english language writing skills, it may worth it. Though, I may be even more effective if I would struggle into learning something new, instead of wasting my energy into some endeavour already included in my comfort zone…

But is it really the purpose of one’s reinventing himself only his own self-centered evolution? I’m too tired to continue this and I’m really sad that I forgot even that useful thing I wanted to write…

Long time since I didn’t write about my dreams. My sleeping-dreams. Last night I had the most vivid dream_within_a_dream experience. And it’s kinda scary when this happens..

But first I dreamed about me walking on a long road, step by step and all of a sudden when I’m putting the foot down for a new step I’m falling. Just like walking on the venetian alleys, which, from nowhere, between the buildings, they were ending.. in the water. Long time since I didn’t have this kinda of experiences.

Btw, I read in some article on the internet that when one experiences dreams of falling, it may be that one may have heart problems. Even more meaningful for a person whose usual dreams are controlled flying, like me. It could be true because during the fitness tests in the gym I was getting to a very high pulse rate quite fast: like 170 only after 2 minutes of running at 7.8 speed, which I think it’s quite dangerous for a 29 years old woman.. So I should ask my practitioner..

But the thing is, last night I didn’t fall all down, when I put the foot, it was just like being on a stair and going down a step. Still, I woke up worried. If it’s not my heart could be my lungs.. I do have a history of experiencing a series of weird dreams before being put in medical leave with antibiotics for couching…

Ok, now back to the strawberries.

So I remember I wanted to buy a pound of strawberries, I have no idea for what and I had in my hand a bill of 289 czech crowns. It didn’t seem weird at that time to pay that much money for just a pound of strawberries, the weird part was the name of the supplier… Anyway, when I realised that even after paying that big amount of money I was left only with a quarter of a strawberry, it was kinda when I woke up into the main dream.

I looked on the table and there were no bills and no strawberries and it made me feel more comfortable. I was cheated, but it was just a bad dream within another dream, the one where I was explaining to myself that the dreams that I have could indicate the beginning of a sick period.

OMG, I simply love this acting class in English!!!

It inspires me to pursue trains of thoughts and emotional behaviours that no one in my life before had the knowledge, skill and desire to do it.

So, to put it short: I am now in the quest for my highest mountain, with the purpose of laying a very firm foundation.. as part of The transformative process capable of making me an optimized-interdependent being.*

*(C) 2013 The name of my 3rd book. After “Everyone is a time traveller” and “Alice in Romania”… projects that I unfortunately had to abandon, in 2008, because they were part of a stupid repetition based on too many imaginary circumstances.

Just had an epiphany, after seeing the The Rings of Akhaten. Success is not a place… of achievement. Success is a way. The Way. An infinite one… yours. Or mine…

As many people as they are in the universe, as many successful ways they are. Therefore, competition is redundant. And also, all those people trying to convince other people that their way is better, they have just temporarily lost yours.

And about that thing that I have trouble combining my rational side with my emotional side. That’s the way I was born. What is emotional, intuitively is perceived as wrong. Is it possible that I may be receiving emotional inputs from a complete different world than the world of the other inputs? Is it possible that everything that I was thought that this world may be, is wrong? Which is the right side?!! Mind or Emotions?

I shut them down in October, when I realized that home simply doesn’t exist anymore. Completely. Both of them. But yesterday night I let them all back in, maybe because today is Easter Day, in my religion. Resurrection Day. And the world looks different… But why is it so hard to keep seeing it all the time with these glasses on? Why is it so hard to live (also) emotionally, in this world?

When I had my aura reading it has been emphasised to me that I got to a somewhat dangerous level of rationalizing my heart. And the reason I left from there is because I was standing a firmer ground than her. I’m talking about Home. But maybe I’m too emotional again… I don’t make much sense.. so, what I can really say is that – positively thinking – I’m waiting for the day to see you again and suffocate you… with my emotions

By the way, just had the second epiphany of the day: POSITIVE THINKING is the only way to combine both rational and emotional. Got it people??