10 years challenge

In January 2009.

I had just came back from my first attempt at emigration… in UK, that didn’t work out. I wrote about it before, there were more reasons why it didn’t work out, but the main one is that it was not my destiny…

And I had left some things behind, unsolved. And then I found that job in the call center. It was very stressful, very little paid… but I had no other choice. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I was speaking in Spanish. And the name of the street… but that’s a different story.

I went a bit crazy in those years – 2007 to 2010. But I had to. I needed to explore all the corners of my craziness, in order to understand that there is nothing left in my subconscious, to be afraid of. In order to cure my anxiety.

For the second time, in August 2012, I knew what I needed to focus more on, to make it right. It was not easy, but this time I had around more people who helped me and believed it me. And maybe also my attitude helped: I knew 100% that I don’t have to what/whom to come back, so no matter how hard it was, I only looked forward. In the first 3 months I cried almost every day. But I never gave up.

Now back to 2009, it was such a dramatic year! I don’t know how I managed to survive all that emotional drama. So much synchronicity! So many times when I felt completely lost, while still in my own country. My heart was in so many places and neither one wanted me.

I remember, when I was finishing my work in the call center, I was getting out at the Piata Muncii metro station, I was sitting on those red benches and then I couldn’t move. I couldn’t find the willpower to go home.. At least, to where I was living then, in a rented room. I was wishing to be absorbed by them.. to just disappear. Looking back now, I can easily identify that emotion: despair.

Nobody wants to be around desperate people. But they are the ones that need help the most. I was clinging to everyone that was giving me a bit of attention.

Deep down I knew that everything is temporary, but I was feeling that everything is too much and too hard.  Oh.. But I survived in that deadly job until May 2010. You know, in call center the length is counted in months. I survived until something positive, completely unexpected happened, in March, when I realized that I don’t need to suffer anymore for my childhood. Such a turning point. When I rediscovered hope.

It took me until February 2011 to find a new job, that suited better on my level of education and on my competencies. And technically, I still hold that job, even if a different position, in a different country.. now paid 3 times more than when I started in that February.

Even if in this exact moment I’m writing from a hospital bed, I am at peace. I know what I will do from now on, no matter what will happen. And fear (anxiety) doesn’t have room anymore.

Yeah, so in December 2012 (technically), I met my Leo. My Zubaček. The daddy of my baby Zubat. It was not love at first sight. Which meant, it was not drama at first sight either. But it was respect and a feeling of peace, significantly better ingredients for a long-term relationship. We both knew ourselves enough to know what we wanted. We did share our part of drama, quite a lot of it, but it was coming from the outside of the relationship. We only had to hold on tight to each other and let all storms pass.

Just like this one. We hold on tightly, the 3 of us and let all bad Zubats fly away. Ok, 4 of us, don’t forget Bonnie.

Ok 5 of us, add also antenna. His life was simply not complete until he met (built) his radio antenna. 😀

So, hold on baby girl Zubat. I don’t know how the future looks in 2029, but I know that I will always do my best to be good mama Zubat for you. Kick once if you agree. Ok, you are sleeping, good, you need sleep to grow strong and healthy, you can kick later 😀


25 weeks and counting

So, I’m in hospital again since Friday afternoon. Today is Tuesday. Why I am back here? Well.. on Friday when we went to our regular check the obgyn literally freaked out when she did the measurement of my cervix. I almost had a panic attack on that consultation chair when she mentioned hospital again. She said she cannot approve my dismissal, not in the condition that I was. So we should go back.

We went home, we packed again and off we went to Poruba. Hopefully the car was fixed – new battery. Here, when they measured the cervix, it was holding only on 3 mm. The rest of 2.5 cm was funneled. The doctor who did the check said that women in my condition still kept the pregnancy for up to 2 more months, so we might not deliver in the next 1-2 weeks, how long am I planning to stay in the hospital?

I found this very rude and I was just about to say some bad words.. Of course that’s the goal! Until 32-34 weeks the baby is not free from risk of long-term complications. I understand they brag with very good therapy services for babies born under 1 kg, but I refuse to have mine just another number in their statistics. The main goal is to keep the baby inside as long as possible.

So I said NO! I’m not going to keep being pushed around from one doctor to another (obgyn, hospitals, family doctor), kept on the roads in the middle of the winter, while still on antibiotics. So they finally agreed to keep me. Lower standard than the first time, I’m the 4th in a room designed for 3 women, but manageable.. still definitely better than when I stayed that long time after the accident. I have acquired very good patient skills. Besides, now I have no pains and I can also move around. And they have wi-fi. So yeah.. I mean, as long as I am in Illness leave at least they feed me. Not the ideal food, but still better and more diverse than I can cook myself alone at home. And there is also a supermarket and two coffee places, if I crave something else.

I’m afraid to go home. If it were just after me I would stay here until meeting 28 weeks. I think the time to play the Brave card has passed. Now it’s the most critical time. With each day inside the chances of having a strong and healthy baby increase significantly. It’s not just me that I need to be responsible for… So I have to sacrifice some other things. Like 40% of my daily salary.

The only thing that stresses me now is the work.. Because I didn’t have the time to train somebody else for my activities, so I’m still doing some of them myself. But overall they make the time pass faster and still keep me connected with a sane reality. I only do what I am in the mood to do in that moment, nobody can push me to do what I don’t want to do. So yeah… Some pros, some cons.

I sent a picture with my belly to one of my best friends and she commented that I look tired. I don’t look tired, I look unsatisfied – by life in general – and I look like I cannot allow myself to smile. I’m afraid that once I start smiling something / somebody will do something that is going to take it away. So I keep my smile on the inside.

I dreamed so many crazy things last night. I dreamed that 4 guys I know were claiming that they are the father of my baby. Including my brother. Ok, that was a sick dream. But yeah.. That’s another thing that needs to be solved and is stressing me, but I can’t solve it right now… Ok, it might have been also because I watched the latest episode of Outlander right before bed.. I’m very easily impressed. For the first time I’m starting to feel bad that I have not done the things in the right order.

So, dear baby girl Zubat.. Hang in there. The world outside is tough and complicated, still full of bureaucracy, so you need to be big and strong enough when you get out, to be able to fight it. 🙂

Dear baby Zubat

At first, they said that your estimated birthday is April 30th… Now they say that each day you are still inside is a miracle. Honestly, I don’t know what to believe anymore.

I don’t feel often. I live mostly in my brain, making plans and analysing. At this age I very rarely take decisions based on emotions.

But when I do feel, they are taking me like a tornado and not even leaving me air to breathe. That’s how I started feeling from yesterday evening. When I left Leo turn back home alone. The look on his face, he was just holding himself not to cry.

I wish you will get the chance to grow up, big enough to read and to understand. It’s depressing to live in a hospital. I barely slept all night, 1. because two of the 3 other ladies in my room are snoring, 2. because the same ladies had to pump milk every 3-4h and they turned on the light completely for that… 3. because of babies crying on the hallway or in the other rooms.

I hate people snoring. I hate them with every fibre of my being. And this is what is not letting me sleep. I don’t understand why God put on Earth people who snore.

Anyway… Now she opened the TV, that is right above my head. Last night she turned it off at barely 10 PM. And now she is also talking on the phone. Ok, I now officially despise this woman, for doing her best to occupy all the space around her, day and night. I don’t understand how some people can be so unconscious. So primitive… I’m way too nice… when I’m alone. With Leo (your daddy) by my side, I have much more guts to say all that I mean.

And the new-born babies screaming… I found them truly adorable. I could feel only love towards them. And you, my dear baby, you were stretching and spinning all night. 🙂 I wonder if you can hear them also. I’m sorry that I didn’t have a headset also for you.

At one point I put myself a relaxing music on Youtube.. I somehow fell asleep, the phone was being upside down under a corner of my pillow. I woke up about 3h later and the phone was turned off and so hot that it freaked me out. It probably turned off due too overheating. Oops.

My dear baby.. I’m very curious when you are destined to come. I thought you are going to be a Taurus. I was even hoping to keep you inside until 5th of May until your Sun hits my 7th House.

Now I see you might be even a Capricorn. But please, do your best to stay a bit longer, to be at least Aquarius 🙂 and at least until February 12th, to fall in my 4th House.

Nonetheless, I will love you just as much, no matter in which sign your Sun will be or how big or tiny you will be born.

I love you already. I know you are your own being, I’m just a temporary transportation mode for you to incarnate on this planet. Maybe you will tell me one day also why you wanted to come on this planet, what is your mission. I’m very curious of getting to know you, my dear baby, but, please, stay in there longer.

Meanwhile, in medical leave

Yeah.. So in the end I still spent two nights in the Ostrava maternity hospital…

So I started to feel that everything is going to be ok, after 3 nights of proper cough-less sleep… unfortunately on Saturday I started coughing again.. On Sunday I was coughing my soul out. In the night from Sunday to Monday I couldn’t sleep at all and I had also fever 38.4 C and I couldn’t breath on my nose.. and I’m not designed to sleep with my mouth open.

So when I “woke” up in the morning knowing that I have to go for another check at the local hospital, I was 100% convinced that they will keep me, so I went with my bags prepared.

Outside it was -10 C. The car battery was dead.. So we had to wait for taxi… and also walk a bit, until the main street.

My cervix was holding now only on 7 mm. So they immediately requested ambulance and off I went to Ostrava maternity with diagnostic of imminent labor. And Leo couldn’t join me. I thought they were exaggerating, but I was feeling so sick and I knew that at least they will do their best to treat my cold properly.

When I got there I had to undress and wait on a cold consultation table… over all I spent about 1h and a bit, until they wrote all the papers and did all the checks, but my head was hurting like crazy and my fingers were literally eggplant color. And they were saying I don’t have fever… measured with an infrared touchless thermometer. Whatever..

The main doctor that did my check and the check of the baby was very nice and he was speaking English. He assured me that, even if I am just 24 weeks they are very competent and they will do their best. He was happy that the baby was looking fine and within all ranges and that she was with the head down… my 660 g baby.

I was expecting the first thing they will do, will be to give me corticosteroids shots and this is exactly what they did. I had 4 shots of dexamethasone each 12h.

They also did extensive blood and urine tests and they concluded “bacterial infection”. I don’t know which bacteria, it was not written on the papers, but I was given Amoxiclav intravenous every 8h plus some other medicines for coughing. And what most surprised me: I was having anemia – low red blood cells… So I was given also iron supplement, which freaked me out the next morning when I went to toilet. It took me few seconds to process why that color.

On Wednesday morning they called me again for cervix measurement, still 7 mm. So they concluded that I’m not anymore in imminent labor. The nurse took out my branula, after 10 more minutes she came also with the release papers and with the pills supply and instructions until the end of the week. And she said to dress up and pack, that in 30 min the ambulance will come and take me back home.

It was 9:45 at that time. I was waiting.. and waiting..

At 11:15 the lunch was being served and they gave me a portion also, even if I was officially released. The guy with the lunch cart was very nice. Main dish was baked salmon with mash-potatoes.. who would refuse it?

At around 14:30 the nurse came and told me I have to release the room… and that I should wait on the bench on the corridor for the ambulance… that nobody knew when it will come.

I felt abandoned. On the same bench, on Monday morning I gave a long releasing cry, when they passed by with a newborn baby girl. I hadn’t cried since that therapy session, in October… It felt good. Now they passed with another baby girl.

Yeah, so yesterday on the bench I was feeling abandoned. There was nobody to pick me up and bring me home. I was even considering to call taxi, but I understood that from one city to another they would charge me also the way back.. and with the traffic at that hour it could have got to 2000 crowns.

It was not a fortune, but considering the Czech medical leave is paid 0(zero) for the first 3 days I already had a hole in my budget… I mean, in the end is not about the money, is about the (mental) health and emotional comfort.

Luckily they came for me at 15 sharp. I was home at 16:10, just 2 min ahead of Leo. At least I didn’t have to arrive home to a freezing house and having to stress myself to head up, so it was a good timing in the end.

Btw, when I told the doctor that they took blood and urine for check in Frydek-Mistek hospital, on Dec 28th, they laughed. He said they don’t trust their results. Long story short, at the Ostrava tests I was having a bacterial infection, very recently acquired. My wild guess – on the sinuses. My nose and eyes were pouring for the whole Monday, Monday night and Tuesday. Barely towards Tuesday night it got stable, when I had already finished two rolls of toilet paper.

I’m currently still coughing, although much less, but now I’m fighting also with gastrointestinal reflux and bloating. 😦 Not that much fun to take antibiotics. I hope they manage to kill all the bad bacteria, but still leave me enough of the good ones.

So.. 24 weeks 2 days and still counting. Hang in there, baby girl. I’m sorry you had to be pumped with steroids already.

It’s very scary what is happening, I’m trying to stay calm, but last night I simply couldn’t fall asleep anymore after I had to wake up for my antibiotic at midnight. So many stressful things were passing through my mind. How can I do everything that I still have to do until the baby comes if I am bound to bed rest on indefinite period? I’m afraid even to go to Tesco. I’m afraid if I stand up for more than 10 min I will start to have contractions.

Is very scary, I am home alone all day, I cannot just stay in bed. The baby is pushing also, in all directions, I have quite weird sensations when she is pushing directly on my cervix.

Leo is home. Yeeyy! So.. a very small dinner (remember reflux), shower and back to bed.

Tomorrow I have another doctor check. Honestly, I think I saw the insides of my uterus 20 times already, in this pregnancy. I will tell her to not call me again sooner than two weeks.. enough is enough. The baby will come when the baby will come, no need to wait for her at the gate 24×7 with all the lights open. 🙂

23 weeks and counting

Thanks God they didn’t have to keep us in the hospital 🙂

It’s been a very active vacation. At least on the first few days, when I had to cook and clean a lot in the expectation of my family who spent Christmas with us. After I cleaned the fridge I developed muscle fever.. And I was tortured by coughing until around the end of the year..

On 28th I had my regular monthly check and the obgyn got a bit scared when she saw funneling on my cervix (opening from the inside). Everyone was convinced this happened because of the extreme couching, only the doctor was not… So she sent us for emergency additional checks at the hospital.

They did another inside and outside check, took blood, urine and sample from the cervix. All tests came back negative = no infection. They put me on absolute bed rest with maximum dose of Magnesium and some Progesterone for the evening…

On Monday 31st we had to go again for check – it looked +/- the same: cervix is half closed of 18mm and the next half funnelled. Same treatment. And they said to come back on Wednesday and if no improvement they will admit me in hospital for observation.

I was praying all morning for everything to be ok, the idea of hospital brings me additional stress (considering how much I spent there in 2016) and I think I will be much more relaxed at home. Leo was supportive, in the past 3 days I didn’t have to do anything except going to toilet and shower. And working, today. Such a blessing to be able to work from bed.

The cervix status didn’t improve, but it didn’t get worse either and adding that I have no pain, no contractions and no bleeding they said it’s ok to continue my absolute bed rest at home. Yeeeeeyyy. Will have to go back on Monday, when we will be 24 weeks, that they say is the critical milestone.

Hang in there, baby girl, at least until 32 weeks and as much as you can, after this, the longest, the better. 🙂 Outside is cold and ugly, wait until Spring to come out to more sunny days and bloomed trees.

Aa.. regarding the weight, it was indeed a lot of water – after 5 days of bed rest I lost 2 kg of water. So now we are on track with average of 0,5kg/week, starting week 13.

Happy name day to me :D

I got to celebrate today with mami Zubat, tati Zubat and Dan Zubat. Yeey! And I had a tiny-tiny sip of sparkling wine and a slice of Medovnik.

And we broke a plate, today. And 2 jars of zacusca, one on Tue and one on Wed. In the end they will be a nice memory. Not the broken stuff, the fun that we had in between.

I’m coughing almost continuously for a straight week now. My voice is horror and even my tongue’s muscles are sore from this much coughing. My lips are also incredibly dry.

In the first 3 nights I woke up at 3 AM coughing and I barely got back to sleep after having a hot tea. The doctor from the 2nd trimester ultrasound told us it is ok to take Mucosolvan to break the cough, she saw me very pale when I was at the check.

I finished the bottle of syrup, but the cough didn’t go away. Instead, I started to have terrible stomach burns. So I started taking also Dicarbocalm, mom brough it to me from Romania, I don’t know how is called here.

Last night I woke up 5 times coughing hysterically. 5 times! Leo is desperate, as he cannot sleep either, when I’m coughing next to him. He even suggested I could sleep with mom and he will sleep down-stairs with Dan Zubat. But he is amazingly supporting, I hope he understands now why I was so obsessed for not catching a cold.

In the end it’s a nice training for when baby will have to be fed every 2 hours.

22 weeks and 3 days. And I already put on 11 kg. I’m honestly starting to get worried, is not that I was skinny when I started… I put 8 kg only in the past 8 weeks. Maybe I should stop taking the prenatal vitamins… Or maybe there is something wrong with me. I have the monthly check tomorrow, I will ask the doctor. When I told her last month that I put 3,5 kg in 4 weeks she laughed at me saying not to worry, because I will put much more. But this is crazy… I’m drinking at least 4l of water everyday because I feel always thirsty, but it seems half of it remains inside…

43.8°C heating stove temp

Thursday night I noticed I cannot breathe because I’m choking, my throat was scratching me, I couldn’t couch anything.. I felt so dry. Drinking water was only irritating me more.

The throat bugged me all day.. I had hot polenta with butter for lunch, it helped a bit. And then a huge cup of hot milk with honey for dinner. It also helped a bit.

Until I threw up. No, not the milk, the marinated fish salad 😀 It was good, but I was afraid it had too much salt, after I eaten it, so it seems it agreed with me and wanted out. 😀

Anyway, I was pissed off by the fact that I was waiting all day a package from Amazon, I was looking on the window all the time for the UPS van. I noticed I had my phone number written wrong in the account, 2 digits reversed in the operator’s code 😦 They even told me last time when I had a package delivered and I said “no, it’s ok, I have problems with the signal..”

You have no idea how ashamed I feel about this, I work only with numbers.. and I’m here for more than 6 years and I don’t know my phone number by memory. Oh, wait, now I know it! 😀

So I corrected it in the account, but on the package there was still the wrong one. And we don’t have doorbell at the gate. Because Leo… He would do anything except what I ask him. I’m asking for 2 years for him to install a lousy doorbell.

And these people from currier they usually horn with the car. You know, claxon. But this time they didn’t. They sneaked like cats, left a note and.. gone. I was probably at the toilet. I was so pissed off when I refreshed the page of the package tracking and it wrote: “delivery was intended, recipient was not home”. Anyway, they will come Monday morning again. But Monday morning I will be at my 2nd trimester ultrasound. So yeah… That’s why I was pissed. It’s Leo’s present in the package.

So it was about 10 PM last night when I wanted to sleep and I noticed there is only 22% humidity in the room, at 23 degrees C. Of course I was choking… anyone would, in these conditions. The plate from the radiator was empty, completely dry, I forgot to replenish it.

Yeah, another thing I’m fighting to convince Leo to buy: a humidifier. I honestly don’t understand how he was able to live like this all these years, he even had asthma as a child, always has the nose stuffed in the winter, just like me… Dude…

I mean, 22% is critically low. So I had to improvise. At 22 PM. Luckily I was home alone. 😀 Nobody to tell me my ideas are bad. What is the easiest way to make humidity? Boil water.

So I brought up the water boiling kettle, I ran it for like 20 times, up until boiling point, it worked! In 15 min I was having 40%. Yeey. Happy Archer. Now I can sleep in peace.

This morning after I changed the air and started the fire for heating it was 31%. Same method. And a big cup of hot milk with honey. Now it’s 51% at 20°C. Epic.

I was even thinking of having a small trip to Fryda. I definitely need to buy some maternity clothes and this time I have to try them, I’m a big Zubat, I don’t trust buying clothes for me on the internet. Yeah.. not even the pajamas are fitting me anymore. Yeah and a wireless doorbell. The first one I will find.

Let’s see how I will feel after the laundry finishes and the temp reaches 60°C at the heating system, so I can close it. Oops, outside is -4°C. I wonder how much humidity… I just don’t want to start coughing again. :((

Later edit: package was delivered today afternoon, humidifier was bought yesterday afternoon, the girl in my belly looks in all parameteres within the ranges. 🙂 Yeeey!!

About horses, auctioning yourself and never-ending beards

Few months ago I joined a motherhood group on Facebook called “La primul bebe” (“At the first baby”). I found so many useful things only by reading the questions and the responses of the mommies in the group.

One thing that left me disturbed, not only on this group, also from other online places I read stuff, was about breastfeeding. I read thousand of comments that say it’s impossible to not have enough milk to satisfy your baby’s needs and is a nonsense to say that your milk is not nutritious enough for your growing baby. So many mommies being against adding one-two formula meals, aside from breast milk. I actually ended up believing it also and I was so convinced I will breastfeed exclusively until 6 months and on-demand until at least 2 years old.

Until I read a question from a mom that was so desperate because her baby was not sleeping anymore through the night, she was waking up every 1h asking for breast and she was never completely satisfied, moaning and twisting and even biting her. She was asking about a proper way to start complementing with formula and which dosage and brand is the best. She mentioned she cannot take it anymore, she is unslept for weeks. Even that she had wounds in one boob, so big that the flesh is falling from them. It creeped me out.

But no, you know what creeped me out? The passion with which the other mommies were advising her to hang in there and that breastfeeding is hard and they all survived it, what did she expect?! Nobody was seeing the obvious: the mom was desperate. She had way crossed the line from sacrificing your needs for your baby to literally torturing yourself. Nobody was showing any empathy towards the mother. I understand you are the mommy and you have to provide for your baby 24/7 but offering yourself on a plate for your baby to eat you alive is a bit too much.

That’s when it hit me. It’s a complete jungle out-there. They are ferociously competing for the title “the most sacrificing mother of the year”. I don’t understand this.

You know, in airplanes, in case of cabin depressurization, they tell you to put your oxygen mask first and then put it on your baby. Because the baby cannot save you and cannot save himself alone either. This is what some “modern mommies” don’t seem to understand. It’s much worse than in the previous century, back then women had only to care about the kids and the household. And be available for when the husband has “needs”. Now they must have jobs also. A modern-day women is working 2-3 times more than a man. And they are not even allowed to complain! 😐

I’m not like this. I care about my own sanity. I am searching for peace and comfort at all times. Yes, I’m also lazy sometimes, I don’t like to do things that are not really necessary at that respective time, especially when someone is stressing me.

I care about my children sanity. I know what it means to be raised by a mom that constantly screams and is constantly running from one place to another trying to do as many chores as possible in her time at home, after a full-time job, until my dad comes home, never having enough time for me and for my emotional needs.

And I definitely don’t want to end up like this, due to stress, over the years. She was constantly stressing me out. Ok, she is the best cook I know and I can say our house was always clean. But I lived all my childhood and teenage years in a constant anxiety. I can find excuses, I can bring myself at peace, but I needed a lot of years to quietly meditate about my childhood drama. And I didn’t die out of hunger nor from living in misery, as I was always threatened as a child.

No, children do not forgive, they choose to forget, at first, for protecting their sanity. Until they simply cannot forget anymore. And they end up having a complete mental meltdown, sometime around the mid-twenties, when they realize they are not emotionally prepared for successfully living on their own, under those high standards in which they were raised.

So… I value emotional and mental sanity the most and this will be my main focus with my child. I don’t want them to fear me. Kids – and humans in general – do incredible stupid things out of fear. I want my child to understand that is important for their current and future wellbeing, to do the things that they have to do and not do them in order to please their parents or because they fear them.

What if there is a spider in that corner on the ceiling, where I cannot reach with the vacuum cleaner? He is a creature also, we will all live in peace. 😀 And a bit of dust or dog hair didn’t kill anyone. (Unless they are allergic, but that’s a different topic). I will do my best to breastfeed exclusively until 6 months, if no medical issues appear that might prevent me from doing this. But at the 3rd sign of baby biting me until the blood starts running, I’m done! See, I’m planning to survive 2 times, everybody makes mistakes, even infants. 😀

But at the 3rd strike, that’s it! My boobs will be closed for business. Whether if she is 3, 5, 10 or 15 months old. The Earth is now full of formula milk and thankfully I’m not in my young twenties anymore, I think I can afford to feed her “chemical milk”. Hilarious, dudes: water itself is a chemical! We ourselves are chemicals. Organic and complex, but still chemicals. Btw, there are much more dangerous chemicals in simple tap water, than in the formula specially designed for infants.

And something else: apparently there is a new study now, saying that infants can be intoxicated if you feed them water. That’s why you should not give them water or “god forbids” herbal tea or juices, until 6 months old. I get the explanation that tea contains over-stimulating substances, juices contain too much sugar and water just fills their stomach without bringing any nutrients, which may lead to anemia, due to dehydration, in the long run, but saying you can intoxicate them with clear water sounds a bit extreme. Ok ok, I can get drunk myself only from a big glass of cold water, but still 😀

Yeah.. And about starting solids. I don’t see the logic of starting solids earlier than when the baby can support herself properly sitting on her bottom. Or feeding them fruits for breakfast. I don’t get this. I’m not eating fruits for breakfast, except bananas and avocado. But these are not entering in the category of fruits, given the “chemicals” they are made from. I think a proper food for breakfast is any combination of protein and complex carbs. Also with full fats. Fruits, as snacks, 2h before lunch or 2h before dinner. And I’m thinking to start with cooked veggies for lunch.

So yeah.. Have to stop it here, for today, Leo is having a cold and he just came up, snuggling next to me in bed. So we may say I already have a baby to care for… Maybe make him a tea or something before he starts asking that he wants to “breastfeed”. And now I realize I didn’t write about any of the topics from the title. 😀

I cheated on my boyfriend

So, this weekend I had a trip to Prague, for a team-dinner with my work colleagues.

It was very fun, we went to a greek restaurant, we saw face-to-face our new girl from Argentina, so much fun speaking in Spanish with her. And the new Polish guy is also very sociable, he was telling me about his younger sister and how he remembers her as a baby.

When I left the restaurant around 10 PM, to head to my hotel, it was snowing!! So cool!! First snow for this year. Very romantic.

And then in the morning it was everything white, I was brave enough to walk from the hotel until the train station, where I met my Romanian friend, Ale, from the previous work-team. It’s weird, you know, we both live in this country for more than 6 years but we haven’t seen each other in more than 3. Honestly I’m not sure when was the last time we saw each other.

She bought me a set of tiny cute baby socks from Tchibo 🙂

And then we saw a fringe train with coal locomotive, temporarily parking at the train station. Must-ve been some historical event, because I cannot imagine that train circulating regularly, in 2018. It looked very 1800ish.

I mean, you have no idea how much smoke it created for a 5 min stop in the train station. I was holding a cup of decaf latte from Tchibo and when the train left I couldn’t drink from it anymore, because the top was full of coal ashes..

In the train I had business class, I found a nice price, thanks to booking the tickets in advance. And I shared the compartment with a mom with her 2 and 1/2 years old boy and a guy.

The guy was surprisingly attracted and smiling at the boy, even if he just had a huge tantrum, rolling over the floor on the corridor, not wanting to enter the compartment… crying like crazy. So I thought, wait a minute, a normal business class dude, working on his laptop, would be disturbed by such a creature, not get attracted and smiling to it. Mystery solved: he was married, I noticed the ring. Probably recent, since he was not looking more than 30 yo. And probably having his own tiny creatures already… or on the way.

And he took sparkling wine, apparently on business class you can choose between juice or wine. And then he wanted to share the wine with us, ladies, and that was when I excused myself, saying that I’m pregnant.

And that’s when it started. I had such a nice and long discussion with the mom, at first in Czech and then, when I mentioned I’m talking at home in English, we switched to English.

I guess I should travel more often on business class, higher chances of meeting people speaking English.

The guy left the train at some point, I think Olomouc, so we had another hour to discuss in peace. The boy was watching cartoons on a tablet and from time to time he was increasing the volume. The mommy got upset at first and then we noticed that he was just doing it because we were also talking loud and he couldn’t listen his stuff. I mean, what would you expect? Smart kid. We were disturbing him.

Yeah.. and I told her I already started buying clothes for baby, now being more convinced we are expecting a girl, after the doctor check from last week, when she confirmed the gender we were told after the first trimester detailed scan. And now I just discovered I already own 12 onesies, 8 pair of pants and 6 full pajamas, 4 with zipper and 2 with buttons, in various colors. But they are in several sizes, up to 6 months, so there is still room for more. I’m actually planning to purchase another F&F set from Tesco, plain white, size “up to 1 month”, I liked the material and that it has no snap buttons and labels at the neck, from the “up to 3 months” set from last week.

Yeah, and on Monday they will deliver my Maxi-Cosi CabrioFix nomad-sand color, baby car-seat. Can hardly wait! I bought it on a local czech site, found a very appealing Black Friday offer, 40% off, couldn’t resist it. Now it’s Leo’s job to purchase the IsoFix base. As for the carriage, I’m still for Adorra, from Amazon.de, same color as the car seat. But we can wait a bit more for buying this one.

So, as the Ostrava station was approaching, the mom and the toddler were dressing up and the boy sent me a kiss in the air. I was so moved, it made me cry out of emotion. And then he came close to me and wanted to kiss me good-bye and he kissed me on my lips! I tried to turn my head, to receive the kiss on the cheek, but it didn’t work, I could not escape his love 😀

So yeah.. I was lips kissed by a 2 and 1/2 years old. I had to wipe my lips after. It felt weird. Funny, right?

But the funny part starts barely now: I was having nightmares about it.. That I was afraid I will go to prison for having sexual relations with a minor. 😦 And how I was explaining to that boy in the dream that I love him and everything, but I am a grown-up and this is not appropriate…

It was cute and all, but I will definitely not teach my kids to kiss on the lips, especially strangers. There are many ways of showing affection, but I prefer to keep a limit, mostly for sanitary reasons. Yeah, just because I talked for 1 hour with his mom and I did hi5 once with him, it didn’t make us close family. Anyway…

So the mom gave me two apps, one for buying SH baby-clothes and one for searching and hiring baby-sitters and house-keeping when needed. I am so thankful.

And she also told me, if I want to bring my mom over, I must have a very serious discussion with her to trace down the expectations and the limits. Just like a job interview. Because, apparently, when the granmas will get into contact with the baby, something strange will happen in their brains and they will feel like they have the chance of raising their baby again and without even noticing she will slowly insinuate herself into the education of the baby, often times their methods and knowledge being obsolete.. which will result in conflicts..

Very good to know. 🙂 Such a nice mom, we didn’t even exchange our names, but I was lips kissed by her cute toddler.

To beige or to gray

So we bought a couch. Three weeks ago. Yesterday evening they delivered it home. I noticed the delivery van’s driver was a bit irritated.. Anyway, him and Leo slowly put down, in front of the garage, the two pieces of our couch and we waited for one of Leo’s friends to help us carry it inside the house. In the meanwhile we had dinner.

When they finally brought inside the first piece, we slowly opened it.. We noticed the color was not quite like the one we remembered buying, it was more gray than beige. I said.. I don’t know, maybe it’s the inside light, it gives gray reflexes…

On the invoice it was written beige.

So.. After wondering what went wrong, trying to get used with the idea that we will have a gray-ish couch – this colour was matching also with the rest of the room, mainly with the window’s drapes – it came to me the idea to bring home also the second piece, to make sure, at least, they are both of the same colour.

They had to remove the entry door, because it was not fitting in.

On this one, the label was in front, very visible. Couch Kirsten, beige. Funny thing is that, through the wrapping plastic you cannot really tell if it’s beige or gray. And then Leo searched for the label of the first piece. Barely found it, in some corner: Couch Kirsten, gray.


At least they could’ve delivered both pieces of the same colour. We called the driver, the seller.. nobody answered, it was a bit after 7 pm.

So we patiently waited until this morning, trying to make up funny scenarios of what could have happened. It crossed my mind that maybe they had in the same delivery 2 Kirsten couches, one gray and one beige. What were the chances of messing them up? It must be that this couch model was selling like fresh bread.  Or the driver was drunk.

Yeah.. So in the shop, this morning, the lady confirmed that this happened: they had two couches to deliver in the same time frame. They will call us Monday to see how we can get into the possession of our correct beige piece.

And I would really like to see the face of the other family, when they also noticed their mosaic couch. Apparently we were the first to complain, maybe the other ones haven’t even noticed. We wouldn’t like to have our piece dirty or scratched or full of bad emotions. We treated their gray piece very good: read it classical literature before bed, we said jokes to it, we drank tuica next to it. Ok, only Leo and his friend. I drank water.

So yeah.. What were the chances. Mercury retrograde, but still. Conjunct with my natal Uranus. But still. Now we have learned our lesson, not to receive anything ever again before checking the labels and making sure we were delivered the exact product we bought.