Multiple lines…

There are so many perspectives in which to see things in this infinite reality in order to prove that anything and everything is true. You can see things from your own point of view or from someone else’s. You can see things from the future or from the past. You can see things from someone else’s view and from the future in the same time. And it is still true. Everything is. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.🙂

June 18th, 2017

Me acaba de entrar algo nuevo en la cabeza y estoy muy curiosa cuanto me va quedar. Una nueva obsesión que me tiene muy entusiasmada.

No physical sign about it yet, but the idea has been implanted and all sorts of thoughts and paths started to rush in. And this time I don’t feel like I’m crazy by thinking and reading about it… I’m  definitely wishing it and praying for it to happen. I even found the epic date, with my astrology program.

Minulou noc jsem zůstala až do dvou hodin o tom četla… Dnes jsem porovnavala seznamy věcí, které jsou tomu potřeba. Je hodne seznamů a rad, ale nikde nejde najít vše v jednom balíčku.

I’m considering to move to Finland. Maybe I should start learning the language. As soon as reading this post starts to not be hilarious anymore to me. Until then, Good night and Happy dreams!

Take me home

“Would you take the wheel
If I lose control?
If I’m lying here
Will you take me home?”

In a time and place when you count the hours until the only exciting and interesting thing that happens – a new edition of Next Star, respectively, a new edition of America’s got Talent – and you patiently wait for them to upload the videos on youtube… anyway… it looks that God does have a way of giving me some periods of whole months from time to time, just to reflect.

Currently Juno is transiting my Asc+Ven+Sat.. like in Dec 2011. Nothing interesting about this. Yet maybe something interesting should happen. I know 3 people with natal Juno in this position… but I’m not expecting anything. Where there are 3 there is room for another one. :)) On Oct 10th Venus will catch it also and dance together in the middle of my first house.

This evening I danced. Alone in the living room. Like no one was watching. I felt happy. (maybe having vegetarian pasta for dinner and a shot of visinata helped :D).

Starting beginning of next year Pluto will finally leave my 2nd House. It has “tortured” me enough for the past 16 years. 16 years, God, half of my life! And then 22 years in the 3rd House, which I’m seeing as a positive thing since I have no planets in my 3rd House.

Yeah, everyone was born for a reason, with their own set of talents. Some of them were born to waste night hours writing on their blog that gets to be read only by very special persons also wasting their night hours. Isn’t this awesome?

Two days ago I saw… wait, or was it yesterday? Yeah, yesterday evening I saw a video on youtube about the vibration spectrum of different emotions and about raising your vibration by enforcing positive words. The lady that was talking about this was saying so many things that I might have believed some long years ago but the reality made me forget them. I was listening to her and looking at her body language trying to spot something that could make me say: “yeah, she’s lying, she’s such an impostor! just wanting to get the money of the poor people in the audience!” But I couldn’t find anything. There was a meditation scene where you had to imagine you are in a sphere and this sphere is expanding covering the bed/chair/couch where you sit, expanding until it covers the whole room/bus/metro/airplane, the county, the country, the Earth, the planets etc.

I was already laughing out of pure joy when I covered the house. And then I didn’t know what to do with the energy anymore so I started storing it inside. Home.

Wake me up inside

You know that thing when you want something to happen, you visualize it more and more until you get to attract it? Well, after certain years you realize that things don’t usually come your way the way you wanted them. Either come too late, when you moved on and you don’t need them anymore, so being confronted with the same things again brings you more bitterness than happiness, either come in a form that makes you compromise or get out of your comfort zone in a direction where you never dreamed about. And you conclude that perhaps you don’t know what you need… and you remain disappointed… and let faith decide. And slowly you stop wishing for things to happen, you just dream about them, with absolutely no intention for realizing them… also because, by not using it, you start to lose the ability of visualizing things. So you just live. What will come will come.

The problem is that I have a dream that keeps repeating for the past half of year.. I think once per week, or so. It’s part of vivid dreaming, when I realize I am in a certain place, so part of me knows I am dreaming and I am aware that anything can happen, yet every time I want to go towards “this place”. Every single time.. so excited about it, like everytime is the first time I come up with that idea. Yet I never arrive there. Anymore. I was there, some years ago, in my dreams, of course, and I still remember everything I dreamed, in details, when I was not even aware that I’m wishing to go there, in real world, when I probably had more chances than I have now.

But when I’m dreaming, wanting to go there has become more than just obsession, lately, has become despair. And I trully believe that I can get there… until I wake up… or I’m getting caught in some other dream. I’m suffering from dream-delusion. How epic sounds this. It has become a stringent need to find a part of the objective reality projected in there. More like, skipping reality. Like coming back with something that could help me in the awaken world. Like pre-cognition. But so far I can’t remember dreaming about something of significance, it never happened to me to dream about something real, I mean something that I was able to prove it was real.

Summer is back

Yesterday afternoon and today morning, after breakfast, I’ve thrown a blanket over the recently mowned lawn in the garden and stretched myself on it and it was epic. Thing I haven’t done all summer… just catching sun and relaxing.

So we are searching to buy a new car, after Fiesta dropped us literally in the middle of the street on Thursday. Lucky it was at sunset and the street was empty. Still I had to overcome my fear and be in a car alone, when I took my chances and crossed the main street from Olesna to home, me in the car and boyfriend pushing it… we had to call neighbor to haul the car over the big hill, 1 km until home.

Yeah, this afternoon we plan to go shopping by bike. So light shopping. And next week probably 2 times again. Lucky it looks the weather will be very nice, we had some days in middle of August when we seriously discussed heating the house, as it was just 17 degrees in it during the day :))

I found a new series: “You’re the Worst”. It’s so funny. And I love the entry soundtrack.

“From the bottom of my broken heart even though time may find me somebody new…” It’s funny how I was listening to these lyrics and singing them while barely understanding half of them, in 1999. And “Sometimes”. God, I loved it so much, at that time I was identifying myself so much with those lyrics.I was trying to write them down and asking Madalina to correct them. Where are you girl??

And 2+7 equals also 9

While browsing some archived mail items I found a poem I must have written some long years ago, yet I cannot remember anything about writing it:

“I’m here. I’m standing on this open rift
To find the love you sent and fell in the abyss.

I’ll jump to catch it, thinking “this is safe!”
Yet here I fall and looks it’ll only be in vain…

With all I am. May seem that all I do
It’s only dreaming, more and more, of You.

I’ll send you smiles!! – as way to resurrect
Your broken heart:🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

I know you’ll like them and they’ll glue the shards,
But they will never bring you back into my arms.”

After years and years we get to realize that most of the times we fell in love only with our mere selves, as we got to reveal ourselves in the presence of someone we thought special.

Things that keep me awake at night

So in Romania, from July 1st 2016, the amount of money you get in the leave for raising your child, until reaches 2 years old, is 85% from your salary. Ok, from the average of the last 12 worked months in the past 2 years prior the birth of the child.

So if you had the average monthly disposable salary, of 2211 ron*, you would get 1879 ron. Ok, perhaps more, if meal-vouchers and other bonuses/allowances are also included in your taxable income. I hope.

In Czech Republic the average monthly disposable salary is 24507 czk*… Unfortunately here you (still) get a fix amount, which is 11500 czk, if you opt until the child reaches 2 years old, indifferent how much you had the salary.

11500 czk is (today) 1893 ron, which, in absolute value, is just a little over what you get in Romania. But in relative value is smaller. Much smaller, if you also have to pay rent.

And there is even another issue, 2211 ron you get in the first 3-4 years of career (talking here in my case, as economist – with at least 2 foreign languages known at medium level -, not IT or audit or banking), after 5-6 years of experience in the field you could get to 3500 ron net. Still shitty, I know.. but that’s life.. Anyway, for 3500 ron, the amount for raising child is 2975.

In Czech Republic doesn’t matter how much you could have, if you still get 11500 czk.

Conclusion: To be effective for me to keep living here I would need a rich husband. Or not to get pregnant.

Now seriously, this is really keeping me awake at nights. And I didn’t even start calculating how much I’ll have to spend until the baby is actually born (and the actual birth itself). I’m disappointed. Wedding? what wedding? to get a husband I have to get married?? Now you’re telling me??! I might seriously start considering remaining only with my imaginary children, Klara and Diana.

*from as of today

Zubats and Lazybats

“Kill em with kindness”… 00:51 AM

I can’t sleep… probably because I woke up this morning at an hour that I’m ashamed to write here. There was a storm and I woke up scared at around 5 in the morning when my other half was preparing to wake up and go to work.. I fell asleep again…

“I’m so into you”… wtf playlist has this youtube? This is definitely not making me fall asleep, it’s just nourishing my emotional-maniac state, that feeds my insomnia😀

De la o vreme a inceput sa nu-mi mai placa de mine. M-am lenevit rau de tot. Bag ca scuza faptul ca am avut 3 oase rupte acum mai mult de juma de an, ca sa nu ma obosesc prea tare cu sportul. Parca aveam mai mult chef cand inca mergeam in carje. Sau poate e o stare temporara. Mi-am pierdut motivatia..

Acum cateva saptamani am visat ca m-a intrebat de ce nu am ramas insarcinata pana acum.. Buna intrebare. Probabil pentru ca sunt mai mult decat jumatate animal, nu ma inmultesc bine in captivitate. :))

“One call away” ?! Serios, Youtube? Ma duc la culcare pana nu ma apuca plansul…

Cu viteza luminii

Asta am scris pe blog pe 30.10.2011:

“Ma gandeam asa: daca ai avea… nu stiu… o sina-platforma… de forma unui covrig circular, iar pe ea, o alta sina s-ar invarti, propulsata de magneti.. iar pe ea (sau in ea) o alta sina-platforma, cu aceeasi viteza, s-ar invarti la fel… cred ca inmultind toti acesti factori, sina cea mai din interior (sau cea mai din exterior, inca nu mi-am definitivat teoria :D) ar putea sa atinga o viteza mai mare decat a luminii. Asta, numai in cazul in care, intr-adevar, viteza luminii ar fi absolutul.” Saraca de mine… eram si eu mica si naiva in ale relativitatii… nu ca acum as fi mult mai bogata, stiintific vorbind, dar cel putin am inteles ca nu mai e nevoie sa visez la asta.

Mi-a trebuit 5 ani sa ajung sa vad episodul asta al 4-lea din “Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey” ca sa realizez unde erau greselile mele, chiar cu cateva minute inainte sa o spuna raspicat ca niciun corp fizic nu poate depasi viteza luminii, caci pe baza acesteia e cladita realitatea noastra. Ma gandesc acum ca daca celulele noastre ar vibra cu viteza luminii am ajunge nemuritori. Cred ca de aici a pornit chestia cu fiintele de lumina. Deci inca un mit busted… pentru ca exista – relativ – 0% sanse ca asta sa se intample in generatia noastra.

Iar paragraful pe care il scrisesem in acelasi post de blog, dupa cel de mai sus, inca il analizez, din punctul de vedere al posibilitatii de a fi sau nu veridic:

“Si m-am mai gandit la o teorie… daca, totusi, ipotetic vorbind, am reusi sa strapungem cordonul de timp –  trecut-prezent-viitor – prin experimentarea unui prezent cat mai amplu/lat posibil, poate chiar am putea atinge o linie alternativa de timp… si ma gandeam ca, atunci cand presiunea atinge un punct maxim, nu poti sa te opresti, pentru ca ai ramane prins in ea, in continuare, nu poti decat sa accelerezi, ca sa rupi probabilitatea viitorului in care esti inlantuit.

Some more ivorish stuff

She was 36 when she decided to learn how to write a novel. So I still have time.😀 Too bad 2019 cannot be compared with 1988, regarding the demand for entertainment from literature and the possibilities for research, into properly creating literature. Nonetheless, I will let you know when I will finish reading “Voyager”, if I find it interesting enough to share my impressions, if I’m still open to the idea of learning how to properly write a novel.

There is this compelling need to do it, that I currently lack. Last night I stayed until 10 to check some things at work. Not for need, but for the passion of spotting any mistakes/inadvertences from FY16 and correct them as long as I still have the chance. Mostly for fun, as solving a puzzle. I’m convinced that analysing numbers is my talent, but I’m still new in some areas… that’s why I’m still studying.

Last night I dreamed I was about to be employed in a new company. They told me at the reception: “We just found out you resigned from your current employer”. And I was like “hmmm… I didn’t, and not planning to, wtf is she talking about? But nevermind, let’s play along, see how the dream develops.” They even took pictures of me and gave me a badge :)).

And there was a meeting of all staff, at some point, everybody listening. All tidy. And my brother came by the main door with a big toy – as if entering into his own living, his playground – a remote-controlled truck that he was leading all over the carpet from the meeting room. It was fun. But I started to be ashamed that, if they think he showed up and made a mess because I invited him, I will be fired. And will get in trouble also the person who recommended me… which was one of my EXs. Which, after the day was over he was about to drive me home into his big black car. But he said he’s counting until 10, if I’m not ready, he will let me there. I was rushing to put my boots on and run towards the parking lot but when I got close to the car I started flying… then some bad people caught me and he didn’t even look back to see I was retained, he just left…😦 And I woke up.

Some days ago I dreamed that, because of some universal… something…, our Earth moved its magnetic poles and now the day is shortened to only 2h. And it was light almost all the time, as the sun was not setting completely anymore. I was convincing myself in the dream that I have to accept it and get used to the fact that Earth as we know it, will never be the same again.

And something I realized today… you know, about reading in a dream. I found a way to properly describe the sensation. It’s like when you are concentrated to sing a song, make sure you don’t miss any note or verse and you try to read something: you can identify all the letters and the words, but you simply cannot memorize them… which makes it very hard to read and almost impossible to also remember it. But maybe I should practice more. Most probably people who play piano are capable of memorizing and reproducing what they read in a dream.