Some long years ago, in a broad discussion about synesthesia (?!), he said that my personality has died many times, because of me. I did put thought into this at that time, but it didn’t matter that much, as he had still been there the next day, with more food for my thoughts. Now it does, it took me few days to figure what he meant. And actually in one of his writings I found also the answer: Allegedly your personality dies when you start seeing the world through someone else’s eyes. At least I think this is what he meant.
I think I adopted this thing of seeing the reality though someone else’s eyes about the same time when I started reading seriously about spirituality. Autumn 2007 – Spring 2008, when I experienced the most profound changes and revelations of my life. When I started pushing all the limits I was seeing, just to see what really happens. When I had to re-write the map of my boundaries. When I realized that after you get to know yourself and you finally get to the limits that you simply cannot cross (due to legal considerations), you can still develop, but by starting to know others from their own perspective, by putting yourself in their shoes. Is this bad? My personality never died, it just went a little on a side :)) Acting through other characters in the real life, not only on a stage. Is this bad? Ok, maybe it makes me very hard to get to know. Nevertheless, you can get to know the real me if you stay around long enough.
My mom used to have a saying that she used quite often when I was a child, when certain individual came into the discussion: “he/she has not even A DROP of personality”. Of course they do, everyone does, just that maybe you are not spiritually developed enough to be able to see it. I actually told her this at some point, when I started to feel shame on behalf of those individuals. And yes, mom has a big personality, maybe too big, for her own safe. At least this is how she appears.
Now, about seeing the world through someone else’s eyes. I noticed most people don’t like this, especially when you start to think like that person and even reply in conversations in the same style he/she used to reply or even up the point when you actually say the same things he/she intended to say. It did happen to me some times to feel so mentally connected with someone, that I was feeling we are one and the same body.
Ok, I admit it. Sometimes is much easier to be someone else, to know how to maintain a conversation with someone while not feeling not even a bit, since every reply is mentally calculated. Just make sure you do this as far as possible from the muse. As a child I was lacking very much in the emotionally development department, perhaps I still do, but now in most of my daily situations the SQ and IQ are taking over and leading the character, by using phrases and ways of approaching situations that I learned through someone else’s life experience. I am also terrified of being rejected, yet I’m searching for adrenaline in places where a normal individual wouldn’t. But what is normal, anyway?
Wait, I got distracted, I forgot I started this post with the intention of writing about me. Or didn’t I? What I’m trying to say is that, as reality is infinite, your personality can be also infinite, as long as you don’t repeat yourself in a way that is getting the audience bored and starts pointing on your flaws, in a search for adrenaline. As long as you keep yourself grounded and they all know about the others, you can have as many personalities as you want. :))