Why would anyone want this? I met a guy once who was very happy about this achievement of his: Invisibility. And not knowing, on that time, what’s good for me in this world, I followed him for a while in his spiritual journeys… and inevitably I ended up disappointed, in a place I never imagined or wanted to be. In a place where every minute I felt I should defend myself and my own personality.
There was a different world in front of me, but the strings I had from the people of my past and from my family didn’t allow me to continue on that road.
One thing is funny though, I’m writing in English because I want to practice it more in order to be better. No, I’m lying. I’m practicing it more only to be able to get a job. A better job than the ones I had already. And by doing this I realize that I’m somewhat more exposed, because now my message is international… and by the offline messages I received from this American guy when I started my computer this morning, I may say that he either reads this blog, or he has some “special mission” to wake me up and bring me on “The Good Road”, as if I’m the lost sheep or something…
You know, last night I made a funny test on facebook and the result was that the element of my soul is Darkness… only because I’m not that social, than most people would want me to be. And this is only because I love to spend time alone with myself and I prefer the interactions I have with other people to be meaningful and important, not small-talk. Now I hate small-talks. A “hi”, “thank you” and “bye” is enough for a small-talk for me.
Ok. Now about the invisibility part. Sometimes I have the feeling that the only person I’m really fighting with in this world is me. And this impression was already confirmed two times in this life, when the guy I wanted was dating another “Stefania”. Yeah, two times, two different guys already! Or, at least this is what I’ve heard… And thinking that these two guys have any connection with one another except me, it seems… I don’t know… it seems… I cannot even think about an hypothesis like this.
Some days ago I wanted to talk to my future self just to see if I’m on the right road. This is interesting too, since I never dreamed about me talking to me, or seeing my image in a dream, except from dreaming with my reflection in a mirror. And just one time, when accepting the message from the dream was very painful, I wanted to change places with someone else and that opened another door into my reality… but only to bring me in the exact same place. Just like wandering around in spiritual circles. But perhaps a little more creative and perhaps… a little more wise. In the exact same place, with the price of the lost time for some new ideas.
On that exact moment I wasn’t able to see the meaning of it, but last week, the owner of the flat I’m renting came to visit. She always comes out of the blue, she’s Aquarian… although this was the second time I saw her. Her first name is Stefania too. And this was one of the reasons I accepted to move in here in the first place, because I felt it like an opportunity to talk with “my future self”.
She’s an old lady, somewhat senile, but nice at heart. After she took away the courtain from my kitchen window (actually, she asked me to take it down for her), I invited her for a coffee. She was surprised by my amiability. And she was even more surprised when I told her to pour some regular milk into her coffee, because it will have a different taste. She liked it! After she left me with no “protection” for my kitchen window, she liked it! And she was happy about it too… she was happy that at her age she was able to learn something new from “the younger her”. And yeah, I have replaced that courtain in the dream of the night after 😀
If this is called invisibility in time and space I have to say that I like it. If this means to arrive in a foreign place exactly when there’s a guide there, I like it. If this means to arrive for an interview or for a normal visit in front of a foreign building exactly when someone else is unlocking the door for himself, I like it too. But I will never want to be alone. This is why this world is made by many people. This is why there are more girls, women and old ladies called Stefania in this world, isn’t it? To learn from eachother!
I even met through a social network a girl that was born in the same day as me. She was the wife of a friend of a friend. What more could I wish for from this topic? 🙂