Until when?

You know what my first reaction was when the guy I liked asked me to be his girlfriend? It was: “Until when?”

Something like, “I know you like me, I see that and I feel that I like you too, but I don’t want you”. Actually I started liking him two years before that, when I first saw him, on his bike with his curly blond hair dancing in the wind. And I only liked him for about a year more, until that curly hair was gone… But enough about that.

I’m right in the middle of watching “The pursuit of Happyness” (at 1:11:27 to be more precise), a movie I had no idea it exists!!… and today I was attracted to it from Cati’s list and I started watching it online on megavideo. I now have to wait another 16 minutes, for the second part of the movie to be unlocked, so I wanted to use this time to share my excitement with the rest of the world.

Isn’t it funny how synchronicity works?? Imagine the part with the spelling of the word “happiness”… when I first wrote it wrong, on a comment, I started from the word “happy” and then, added the “ness”. Which then turned out to be wrong…

But why is it that happiness doesn’t come from being happy?! Why is happiness something that you have to pursue? I mean, in my case, starting today, I have to say that happiness is something I have to preserve, not to pursue. My happiness is inside of me (or I am inside of it) and I always had the feeling that this world is robbing me from it.

Until when will we be fighting for the life (we think) we want? When will we decide the fight is over? I don’t know, but I do think it’s a waste of time to believe that life is nothing but a fight… in the pursuit of ourselves.

Although, you could start by not robbing ME from my happiness anymore. Discover your own ME, by feeling happy for me, even if this may tear you appart. It’s still a way, you know…

Anyway, please, leave me alone in my happyness until I’ll learn how to live away from my autistic world 😀 Now I’m going to live watch the rest of the movie.

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