Crazy stupid love

I saw a movie last night with my girl colleagues and the title of the post below was my assigned seat.

I said that I’m going to sleep because my mind was very blurry and that I needed “the night” to clarify my future path. Or, at least, what it is that I should do to have a smoother path… it brought me some revealing dreams, yet, I don’t know how could I apply them into this real life… so, I have to wait some more.

Anyway, the part of the movie that made me think about my life was when “the girl” was hopping that she will be proposed to marriage but instead her boyfriend proposed her… a better job!, motivating that he hasn’t thought about her as a potential wife and he needs time to think about marriage. I actually like this type of men, because they show maturity and reliability.

Marriage should be indeed a thing to have many sleepless nights reflecting about it in order to know that you’ve made the right decision for you. And that the other person is aware of all her options and that the highest number of people around you gets happy from this. Really?

When I started working at this new place (I’ll still call it new until I’ll have there more than 1&1/2 years), in the first day I met a girl. It was something about her that attracted me (in the good straight way :D) as if she will have some future lessons for me. I guess I took her as my bigger sister, when I saw her with that blue sweater passing back and forth my desk not knowing who she is, until I dared to introduce myself. Some weeks after, I found out she is married. Cool! I have a bigger sister that could give me some hints about marriage 😀 Then, a couple of months after, I found out she is pregnant… that because it was starting to become visible.

Next week, from what I heard, she will enter into pre-maternity leave so I won’t be seeing her again. Just like Stefania from Wipro… just like Anca from Paralela 45. They both went outside of my path and I never had the chance to see them again after that…

I don’t know why I wrote this, but marriage and having a baby it’s something that I’m kinda starting to become inpatient to discover… yet I have so many doubts about whether or not I’ll be a good wife or/and a good mother. For the past 2-3 years I keep noticing infants and children with their parents all around me, and, each time I hear a kid crying, I spend hours thinking what made him/her cry and what caused that parent to yell at him/her instead of calming him/her down.

I do happen to see very bright infants also, in the park or in the bus or subway, that even if they cannot speak yet, the way they move their eyes around and the way they move their little hands, makes me think that there is a fascinating world living inside them, a world that they are trying to discover outside of them. Not just once, a stranger baby made me cry of happiness after less than 10 seconds spent in his presence. Not just once, I had them come to me, trying to discover me at the end of those sweet little fingers.

I know, a baby is something that requires an enormous amount of patience and responsibility, that needs an enormous amount of things (and money) to grow up healthy and happy… but the way they’re giving you tears of happiness is priceless.

Knowing that you accept those overtime hours to give your future kids a better start than the one you had is truly motivating… yet, I believe this isn’t the right way to start preparing yourself for it… no! There should be a better way and I promise that I will dedicate my time, in the privacy of my own home, to find it!

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One thought on “Crazy stupid love

  1. Pingback: 0.08383 « My ivory tower

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