Already too serious for game playing

Screwed times, currently: I love someone; but I feel I’m over my head in love with someone else that I kinda have to see on a daily basis… and still haven’t completely fallen out of love with the previous one that hurt my feelings, just when I started to believe again that people can be kind and trusted;

… yet I’m consuming half of my free time thinking how to control my urges and emotions not to make the same mistakes I did before… at least I’ll have my consciousness clean, that I was original, each time. 😀

What made me stop then… hmm… I think it was when I fell in love with you… when I came back from London because I felt the opportunity for so much healing love with you. 3 years and something after… on one way, I was wrong. On the other, when you get to really love someone for what/who he is, it’s a bit hard to feel disappointed and hurt. So, probably that was the healing side…

Or It could be that I’ve completely lost the capacity to care at all and I’m reacting like a programmed robot. I live in my fantasy world and do my best to pay my bills; I’m dreaming and consuming all my emotions on the inside, just for myself. And everyone is happy. 😀

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