Breaking the glass

There are times in life when I feel that, whenever something interesting and motivating happens, I’m on the other side of the glass wall…

As if, I’m looking at everyone just as I’m watching a theatre play. After the play is over, after the applauses, nothing remains. As if nothing is stable enough in this world to actually be conscient that you are working for a greater plan. It feels like everyone is only for himself, each limited into a glass box… it feels like nothing has continuity, like every motivating speech is only a mimicry… a plain and simple theatre play. And that, only because the people with whom you make the plan and with/into whom you invest time, energy, knowledge, even love, are finding ‘better lives’ somewhere else outside of yours.

It’s very hard when you acknowledge that you are into a point in your life when nothing motivates you anymore. Even worse, when you do things just because of fear… when you wake up in the morning and you go to work just so you could have enough money to pay the bills and to eat properly. Nonetheless, perhaps I’m exaggerating: today I had salmon and baked potatoes for lunch – which costed 19 lei…

Still, I feel pulled into so many directions and in the end I wake up tired and still unsatisfied. Oh yeah, now I remember why I do everything I can to keep my glass box covering me! Integrity is the hardest value… to preserve.

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. (Jules Renard)

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