Fourth day in a row

Or night..

It never happened to me before to have my dreams invaded 4 nights in a row by the same person / issue. I know I can do something that would stop this.. but I will not do it. I have a special card in my sleeve, that I refuse to play. A card I discovered at some point, at the end of March, when I came home after the 2 days intensive workshop on screenwriting. Screenwriting..

I’m not doing it because I am afraid it will release a huge amount of energy that I will not be able to control. Maybe I will do it eventually, like, 5-10 years from now, provided the situation will not change that much to make it completely ineffective.

I’m not doing it also because I’m afraid it will actually turn out to be something able to improve my situation with this certain person… or because it would make it worse. If that could be possible.

I’m not doing it because I don’t really want to be put in the situation of acknowledging that this card may not even be valid anymore, but just a trap or a huge disappointment.

But most of all, because doing it would result in me admitting that, this card I’m keeping so strong in my sleeve, I didn’t actually achieve thanks to my own efforts of persuasion or of creating an increased interest in my persona, but because I’ve stolen it.

I’m afraid to admit that I can be such an intruder.. I’m afraid of facing the consequences of taking this card from a Pluto in 2nd House person without her to even be aware of the power of the information that she left behind, publicly or.. not so much.

You know what’s funny? That I was not even searching for that. I was searching for videos from plays or for nice stories. I gave up hoping to get such information after two failed attempts of obtaining it, first one in march 2009.. Maybe I would’ve obtained it right then if I had known how to properly ask for it. But then maybe I wouldn’t have treasured it that much.. or maybe…

It’s also funny how people tend to waste their present time into trying to figure out what would’ve happened if things had went in a different way..

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