Day -30: pre Soldiering up!

Ok, I cried enough yesterday, but not because I was having any pain or anything (at least not physical), but because I was in need of discharging. I didn’t really want to leave from hospital, because oddly as may sound, after the shock of the accident, I found here a feeling of safety, but I wasn’t expecting to have to stay more than another week. It’s scary to get out and face the world again, I wonder how many months/years it will take for me to gain back the courage to drive again.

They didn’t tell me until yesterday that also my sacral bone is fractured 😦 and that’s a weird bone, with a lot of inside chambers for nerves and veins and stuff, how does it know to create itself again? I don’t know if I could’ve changed anything by knowing, who knows, maybe I would have gotten even more depressed knowing right from the beginning that it will take me at least 10 weeks in hospital.

And you know what makes me the most sad? That I’ve becomed a loner.. moving to Frydek has isolated me even more from the social environment. I was expecting more encouraging from other people, but anyway, that’s life, I’ll have to grow up and realize I’m not that important/liked as I struggled myself to think.

Besides my boyfriend, my parents, my brother and my direct superior at work, only Oana and Catalina seemed genuinly interested in my status, these 2 lovely girls that got to really know me and shared with me throughout the years more than happy moments. They’re both Aquarius 🙂 Thank you, girls!

I had some interactions also with other people, who gave me advices and positive vibes.

And now about soldiering up! I can make an action plan of study, if I’m not in the mood for ACCA, I could improve my Czech – by intensly studying the conversation guide I have. And maybe the mood will come back for ACCA, I still have a lot of time until exams session in June, to finish studying for F5. I’m a weird person, I hate being forced into doing things, because I believe with all my cells that there is a time and a moment perfect for each activity and forcing things can only lead to frustration or worse, broken bones..

And maybe I could start drawing things on my own, like portraits, because I find them the most challenging. I was planning to develop myself in the plastic arts when I would be old and senile and in a senior home, after I’d have explored all the world and had my own family, but apparantly God has other plans.

Maybe I should recover all those childhood moments when I was locking myself in the bathroom to paint, because tools were expensive and I was allowed to use them only for the classes in school, not for “stupid” things. I wished I was more encouraged to pursue arts as a child (painting, singing, literature), but my parents saw my strenghts in maths and languages so they pushed more into those… as much as they could afford.

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