Wake me up inside

You know that thing when you want something to happen, you visualize it more and more until you get to attract it? Well, after certain years you realize that things don’t usually come your way the way you wanted them. Either come too late, when you moved on and you don’t need them anymore, so being confronted with the same things again brings you more bitterness than happiness, either come in a form that makes you compromise or get out of your comfort zone in a direction where you never dreamed about. And you conclude that perhaps you don’t know what you need… and you remain disappointed… and let faith decide. And slowly you stop wishing for things to happen, you just dream about them, with absolutely no intention for realizing them… also because, by not using it, you start to lose the ability of visualizing things. So you just live. What will come will come.

The problem is that I have a dream that keeps repeating for the past half of year.. I think once per week, or so. It’s part of vivid dreaming, when I realize I am in a certain place, so part of me knows I am dreaming and I am aware that anything can happen, yet every time I want to go towards “this place”. Every single time.. so excited about it, like everytime is the first time I come up with that idea. Yet I never arrive there. Anymore. I was there, some years ago, in my dreams, of course, and I still remember everything I dreamed, in details, when I was not even aware that I’m wishing to go there, in real world, when I probably had more chances than I have now.

But when I’m dreaming, wanting to go there has become more than just obsession, lately, has become despair. And I trully believe that I can get there… until I wake up… or I’m getting caught in some other dream. I’m suffering from dream-delusion. How epic sounds this. It has become a stringent need to find a part of the objective reality projected in there. More like, skipping reality. Like coming back with something that could help me in the awaken world. Like pre-cognition. But so far I can’t remember dreaming about something of significance, it never happened to me to dream about something real, I mean something that I was able to prove it was real.

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