No, it doesn’t feel awesome at all, because I’m blocking it as much as possible. Because it makes no sense. And it’s impossible. I was just trying to be sarcastic. Not even trying to appear funny. Or bipolar.
One of the most unbearable things in life: discovering that you just developed a crush on someone, while you are in a serious relationship. When you very painfully know that you have a tendency to develop obsessions. One obsessive crush while you are in a serious relationship.. with someone else. Yes. It feels worse than being in a prison, because you cannot do anything to take it out of your system.. you just fall… continuously… feeling everything until the most absolute bottom of your misery. And no one understands you.
Why I’m writing this online? I don’t know. I’m hoping maybe I’m really not alone, maybe somebody else on this planet felt the same thing, at a certain point in their life. Or maybe someone else is feeling it right now, I want that person to realize that she is not alone.
Who is the one to blame for this? It could fuck up everything I worked so hard to build so far. Can I blame the Synastry square to Pluto? Or to Chiron? Or the Venus conjunct Sun in Composite? Such a waste.. It literally makes me cry when I remember.
Oooo…. that turning point that you know so well. That moment when you realize it. When suddenly you cannot be casual anymore around him. When your whole life completely turns upside down. When the sky falls down over you and you cannot stop it. When you have a 2-year-old tantrum on the floor of the living room after throwing against the walls, as hard as you can, with all the objects that you find on the coffee table (at least those that you sure won’t break, since you’ll have to clean after).
Omg, I forgot to feed Bonnie. And he is outside… waiting patiently on the door mat. Ok, I fed him. Such a lovely dog.
Why God, why? Why now? Remind me in my next life to take another road, then in the 11th grade, and instead of deciding to continue private classes for applying for economics college to apply for Pharmacy studies. And develop a drug called: anti-crush-pill in one single doze.
LE: 3 weeks after the event… wow, such a funny post I wrote. the crush feeling is completely gone now.