Patience, replies and thanks

4 more days and we end FY17. And the summer. Cool. Ok, not that much cool, but what can I do?! Turn back time? Not this time, I’ll save the power for more altruistic pursuits.

I have 2 more episodes and I finish the Community. I’m procrastinating, I could’ve finished them easily from 2 weeks ago, but I got captivated by other things.

I started reading “Peaceful parent, happy kids”. And also some other articles and interesting posts about parenting, just for documenting myself for the (not too close) future, when I will get to have someone to parent. Some week ago, when I was reading something, I found myself thinking: dude, this is some critically needed information for a peaceful living on this planet, how did I succeed to survive until now without knowing this? I must be more (emotionally) intelligent than I’m actually aware of. The most challenging part is analyzing all the things you lived as a child and young adult, in order to put them in one of the two categories: did I turn out like this “thanks to that” or “in-spite of it”?

On Thursday afternoon I cried for about 20 minutes. I don’t cry often, because I cannot cry that easily (anymore), but, when I start, I cry for everything. And I noticed the more I cry the worse I feel, because I’m suddenly becoming aware that in my worst times the only person I could ever count on to calm me down and comfort me it’s always just me. That’s my synchronicity in this life, I got to accept it. So I’m trying to keep me as sane as possible, to still be there for myself whenever I need comfort. Have you ever tried to hold your own hand? It feels so good, the most comforting is holding the left one with the right one. 😀

Anyway, I actually wanted to say that, this particular time, even after crying, I still didn’t feel better or more hopeful after it. As if, even after being strong for too long, I still couldn’t release everything that was making me feel bad. And you know why? Because the rest is part of me, so I cannot just release it, I need to peacefully extract it, clean it, nurture it and put it back. Which made me realize that all that thing with “crying is beneficial, because it’s releasing bad energy” it’s a complete bullshit. Now I strongly believe that no sane person ever felt/will feel better exclusively thanks to crying.

The story behind the title?! I can say this: deeply needed peaceful closure(s). Ok, at least until I’ll find those exact same tiles of colored cubic rock from the street with the Old-New Synagogue. And after getting inside and finding out what it’s written on the walls. And visiting Israel. This is the main fantasy story-line nonetheless, the other two are just potential spin-offs.

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