Individual growth does not necessarily mean growing apart

I found this in the description of Venus conjunct Saturn in Synastry. I found it very useful. And having Venus conjunct Saturn natally I think I do understand very well where this is going – it’s like the need to connect and to catch up from time to time just to make sure no one is left behind. Because Venus is Love and Saturn is Responsibility, might become something like “I love to be responsible for you” or “I’m responsible for loving you”. I like to call this “the bigger sibling” aspect.

And now something that has preocupied my mind for the past days. I got to the conclusion that we forgot to ask. We forgot to ask “how are you doing”, “how do you feel” and even about some other more detailed stuff that we became curious about. We just go on the FB profile and Instagram, see what the person has shared lately and then we move on with our life, we intervene only when we have something that we consider valuable to share. But also our time in real time is valuable, the social media has disrupted this by allowing us to come, see and conquer, while the other person has no idea that we’ve even been there, if we don’t leave not even a Like behind. It’s like having pieces being taken from us without receiving anything in return. Sometimes it can get exhausting.

I realized, in one short interaction that I had recently, that I’m afraid to express and stand for what I really feel and instead I’m trying to figure out what the other person would want to receive from me. And then, when I already lost the attention of the other person, I’m starting to realize what I really wanted to say, but I reacted out of fear of losing. And I lost anyway – the truth. It’s hard to live like this, without growing on the idea that I am sacrificing myself. It feels like, with this aspect, there is never time to be myself, aside from being the big sister.

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