Love, in the nooks and crannies

I had a nice dream. I fell asleep with my usual desire of what to dream about, but this time I got attracted into something else. Or someone else. It’s like, love works in mysterious ways, you send it where you want to, but then you never know from where you will get it back. And I don’t mind, I have accepted a long time ago, that we are all connected, in a way or another.

It’s so hard to talk about love. It’s like the world (and the society) has somehow made pure love a taboo topic. I understand people love in different ways and it is a good thing, as together we can discover much more aspects of it and ourselves. But I have this feeling, it got to a certain point, when you say you love someone, you are looked upon as if you have some life-threatening disease. It is ok to love, people! And it is OK to love more people in the same time.

I dreamed for the past 3 nights with 3 different persons. All different than the one who usually finds my dreams, which, funny actually, in the last dream I had, he told me, as a conclusion, that there is no more passion between us. I mean, I do understand that this may not be necessarily a good thing, to live only in the dreams, but I guess this is my life, I cannot have them all in the objective plane. Some things have to be sacrificed for other things to work in the objective, material, plane. This is how it works for me. And it makes me wake up with a smile on my face when I live a different story every night, as, with each of these dream-persons I discover a different side of me. A different way in which I can love.

And the one from last night.. it feels a bit more special than the rest. Probably because it’s the newest acquired. I’m projecting both an angel and a genius into this one, I wonder what will be left of it when reality will finally set it. Now I wonder how the other people see me.

But now a funny story, this time from the objective, material, reality.

Yesterday after work I had to go to the city to buy some stuff. I spent 3 hours through Fryda and when the taxi brought me home with 3 shopping bags I was feeling, surprisingly, quite energized. I first wanted to start the washing machine, but then I thought maybe is too late.. And then I remembered when I was living in Bucharest, I remembered about those times when I was doing so many things, when procrastination was simply not on my list of things to do. I was wondering what happened to that ME, how did I leave myself fall and drown, that much.

So I sat in front of the computer, in my usual spot on the couch, with a new episode of The Good Witch. And I thought I saw something black with the corner of my left eye, crawling on the white cover from the table, 10 cm away from my arm. And then, when I really looked, I freaked out for few seconds. It was the biggest spider I ever saw in my life so far, it had like 6 cm diameter and hairy legs and I could even see its eyes. So close to me! I am freaking out a lot about spiders, maybe because I find them very dark creatures and extremely unpredictable. And I was home alone. And this spider has literally threatened my comfort zone.

But now if I think back… last weekend we vacuumed all the spider webs from the old storage room and from the room of the heating stove, so I guess I threatened their space first, so, a certain percent of me was expecting something like this to happen.

After few seconds of panic, I took a picture and sent to Leo and he replied “cool”. Seriously?! I’m freaking out here. So I went for the vacuum cleaner, I just didn’t know what else to do. But, by the time I came back with it, the terrifying creature had disappeared. But where? Between my blankets and my pillows from the couch? Under the keyboard? Behind the printer? Or in those old notebook boxes from under the table?

So I had to deep breathe and bring out the brave ME and slowly take each of these things aside and vacuum them, as I didn’t bring it for nothing… And, after vacuuming half of the room in the search for courage, there I found it. It was in one of the boxes, between the old notebooks and some other memories stuff that I had in there.. So I first intended to simply vacuum it. But it kept strong and then it started crawling under stuff.

And that’s when something big happened inside of me: I sensed his fear. I felt his scare. He was just a simple being, probably more scared than I was. So I leaned the box and he got out, running over the old carpet from the living room, that I had just vacuumed from Bonnie’s fur, while procrastinating on how to deal with The Intruder. He was running quite fast, but I did catch his trajectory and put an empty box of Ginkgo Biloba tablets just in front of him and he went straight into it.

And then I slowly and carefully closed it: “Pavoucek was caught!” And then I took it out and left it next to the door. And I continued vacuuming, downstairs and then also upstairs, vigorously brushing all carpets, thing that is usually on the to-do list for Saturday morning. Amazing how much fur can Bonnie lose in one week in this time of the year!… I mean, the adrenaline that the spider caused in me had to be released somehow. And then, after I finished, just as I was getting out from the shower, like a fresh flower after a summer rain, Leo came back to rescue. Sure.

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