Diligence

I love this word. Which means it stays in the opposite side in my emotional spectrum compared with “discipline”. It sounds funny. Dili-dili.. right?

Last night I had nightmares. It didn’t make much of a story topic, it was more emotional turmoil.. I dreamed that people were rejecting me and it was feeling so bad…. I woke up and I got closer to Leo and we stayed cuddled for a while trying to fall back asleep but it felt like the dream world does not want me back.

After about half hour of fidgeting, it seemed that I was about to fall asleep, when I noticed some painful cramps in the right upper side of my abdomen, that were increasing. Intuitively I knew that only by eating something I would be able to make that stop. So I went down stairs, put a blanket over me and decided to eat what should have been my breakfast: one hard-boiled egg, one slice of bread with a touch of butter and some gouda, all in a sandwich form.

I then had a big warm cup of water and climbed back to sleep. It was 5 AM. I did fall very fast, don’t remember dreaming anymore, but while I was procrastinating, after I stopped the alarm, at a little over 8 AM, I was woken up by the same pain. So I had 2 breakfasts today. And a big chamomile tea.. I don’t know if it helped or not, but that was the only medicinal tea I was having that seemed more-less appropriate.

While I was lighting up the fire, I had an intuition of what could have caused my pain… in emotional resonance mode. It seemed very far-fetched, at the border of crazy, but not impossible. And later in the afternoon I discovered some new data, which now makes me realise that it actually supports that idea. There are some things in this universe that we cannot explain, in such depth of field that they could easily pass unnoticed, yet this is not stopping them from happening. I would even say that synchronicity is not for everyone.. it needs a trained eye to be spotted. And each time is like calibrating your senses even more, with a deeper reality.

Anyway.. stomach, liver, gallbladder, pancreas.. something is not very happy, probably due to the extra melting fat that they have to process, due to my weight loss program. Maybe I should eat more, but I’m afraid. 1200 calories in 4 meals per day is my comfort level. If I’ll eat more, I would have to eat more carbs, which means I would get more sugar in the blood, then more insulin, which would trigger more hunger and we would end up in the same place.

So I’m trying to drink tones of water instead and I stopped adding pepper to the food… Just when I started to be happy that I seem to have overcome the sore throat, which bugged me for about two weeks, coming and going, moving from one tonsil to the other.

Yesterday evening I was at my 2nd class of German. Turns out I’m in private individual classes, as there is no one else interested with the same level as me. We did some exercises from the B2 Test and I even picked myself a homework, I will work on it during the weekend. I walked home from there, it was around 4 km, under zero degrees, but pleasant, as it was no wind and low humidity, I saved the 100 crowns from taxi.

My painting by numbers is also progressing, although I think the sectors are too big, so only from a plane it would look what it supposed to be. But let’s see, if I will not end up without paint by the end of it, I could fine-tune here and there adding some extra smaller elements of detail.

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