Being Brave

So I’ve been seeing double for the past couple of days now. : D First visible one happened on Friday evening, in yoga camp. I take it as a sign. It started very faintly, but got slowly darker day by day. Still a couple of days more to get to the same intensity as my first ever BFP, two years ago, but that time I was already 3 days late when I had my first test. Today I’m even 1 day before.

I’m enjoying the present and also sharing my gratitude to all the stories and experiences on all forums and blogs I’ve been reading lately, in the end they all had a positive outcome, in a way or another, which kept me hopeful. And also made me feel that I’m not alone and I’m not unusual for feeling the way I feel and for wanting to know as much as possible about the whole process. There are still way too many things that nobody is telling you and you end up feeling lost and not understood. Yeah, for some comes harder than for others and they get to learn so many detailed things in between.

I just had a boiled egg for breakfast, it had a faint taste of mustard 😀 Mom said I might’ve boiled them too much. Better too much than too little. I started on B9, 2 per day for the past week.

No matter the outcome, I’m enjoying the feeling, especially knowing that things can go wrong, I want to allow myself to be as happy and excited as possible, as long as the things go right. Now I’m Brave, I think this is what I was lacking last time. I was too scared and not even knowing how to express it. I was not even knowing that I am allowed to express it. Now, I have found my voice and I don’t give a dime of what others think. Nobody is forcing you to read my blog if you don’t like what you read.

Life is too short to hold off feeling excited and after intensively testing like a million time in the past 6 months, I finally have my BFP. Which is a serious reason to congratulate myself. It means that something IS working right. I mean, it’s a miracle if you think about it, all life, every living cell of your body is a miracle.

This time I’m not letting anxious feelings overcome me, I am aware of what is in my control and what is out of my control. And for the time being, being happy and hopeful is under my control. And eating healthy. Zero alcohol and reducing coffee to half the amount as usual. (Two small instant coffees with a lot of milk in them). Basically that’s all I can do for now.

Last time I promised to myself that when it will happen again I’m not going to miss anything and I will share all the journey with all ups and downs from Day 1. I’m not gonna hold anything inside. So, let the journey start!

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