So I started to sleep long and calm enough in order to have dreams and also be able to remember them.. Baby is sleeping all night from 8ish to 7ish, with 2 short intermissions for diaper change (Leo’s task) and breastfeeding (my task) at around midnight and 4ish so we wake up rested also. Now she naps in my lap 😀
I was trapped again in that never-ending series of dreams, where I am back in school repeating Secondary (5th to 8th grade) or High-school (9th to 12th) classes, because we have to do our final exams again, as the ones we did are not valid anymore, because of the reform in the Romanian School System.. Yeah.. About that..
… So.. after receiving a pop quiz in the Romanian Literature class, that made me sad, because there were 4 very specific questions from a Novel I didn’t read, so I had no idea what to write, I was announced that, surprisingly, over-all, I’m in top 15% of my class, as per my achievements so far.
And this was qualifying me to participate in the competition to become a teacher… which was not much appealing to me, but anyway.. I was told that first I have to fill in a 2 pages personality test of 49 questions with some weird neologisms..
The test was redacted by him… He was now sitting in the classroom bench behind me. I was shocked when I saw his name in the header of the printed pages, so I asked abruptly to remove his name first and reprint, as I’m not filling anything or signing anything with his name on it…
There were more pieces of dreams, but these are the ones that stayed with me the most.
I have a sadness that I cannot speak Romanian with my own child.. because it feels weird.. because she is not Romanian… it doesn’t feel right. I’m speaking with her a combination of Czech and English… Maybe I should start to read her stories in Romanian.. I have to remember the name of that Novel that was in my pop quiz.
You know, from all the subjects and teachers I had in school the ones that stress me the most in my dreams are the Romanian teacher in Secondary and the Maths teacher in High-school, although Maths was empowering in the end, as I managed to catch the flow and get on top, Romanian on the other hand was always surprising me negatively. I was never putting enough “i” in the words and enough “,” (coma). I mean, it was also a different performance scale, an 8 (out of 10) in Secondary was tragedy, while an 8 in Maths in High-school was the party of the month.
Secondary was the most traumatic school time experience for me.. way too many subjects, I was feeling extremely anxious, I was bullied, ignored, rejected… and I truly wonder how I managed to finish it with final average grade over 9, considering I was barely studying anything, at home… I was spending all my free time watching telenovelas or doing creative projects.
Barely from High-school I was taking studying and homework seriously, as I needed my recesses for.. well.. other things :D.. Like going to mom’s laboratory and disturbing her..
So I know how much work I had to put in that, especially in my final 2 years.. I find it an extremely great injustice to have to repeat that.. Hence my nightmares..
PS. They removed the spelling check from this WordPress editor, so please forgive me if I have (too obvious) spelling mistakes that I didn’t spot to correct.
Later edit.. While reading this again (and correcting 3 spelling mistakes), I had a revelation. The thing with repeating the classes.. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me that I can re-write those traumatic memories by using knowledge and resources from people I met long after that. And by resources I mean positive energy. And even if, now, I have to miss the majority of those classes – because, well, even in my dreams I live and work in a different country – somehow I’m still able to patch the holes. Enough that it brought me to the top 15%. Interesting. I have to find that test asap. :))