Before I fall in love… again

Last time I felt I fell for someone was in May 2017. And before that, in May 2016.

The one from 2017 most probably has no idea, I considered it too risky to ever open a discussion about it, there was much more to lose than to gain.

With the one from 2016 there were some discussions and nothing more, as we both understood we already have different commitments. 

Both times I was (and still am) in a committed relationship, in my real world.

And in another relationship that exists only in my dream world, from 2009… or in an alternate dimension. Whatever makes you feel better to call it.

A frequency of an alternate dimension, which, from time to time, quite seldom lately, gets occupied by the 2016 or the 2017 one. And even by the 1997 one. Who knows, I could even be dreaming with God, in the form of someone I once knew in this lifetime in a physical form, who are you to judge me? 

Ok, ok, before you call me an emotional s**t please know (if you are really new here and you don’t know me already) I’m a Sagittarius. With Sun conjunct Neptune. And Scorpio Rising. With Venus and Saturn on it.

In a short translation: I can’t help it falling in love, sometimes very fast (with the 2005 one I needed just 2 days), sometimes more than a year after I first met the person. But there’s a catch: the more I feel for someone, the more nervous and incapable of speaking to that person I feel.

I do wonder sometimes how high of a spirit I really am for falling so many times without being… caught back. Stripping apart the object of the affection from the equation, I’m left with just falling for myself, through the perception of another person. How can you prohibit someone to fall in love? How can you prohibit someone to know themselves? 

Thank you Neptune. Truly bitter-sweet. It’s such a divine feeling. At worse it makes me a narcissist. At best it makes me a completely selfless energy form bestowing healing energy on the rest of the mortals. A life of “divine inspiration or self delusion” they call it. “and most of the times it’s both”. 

I sometimes wonder who will be the next one. Will there ever be another one to fall for or I’m left just with recycling and reliving bits from the previous falls, whenever my body tells me that I have to slow down and smell the roses? It’s like, no matter how busy you try to keep yourself hoping that love will not catch you, from time to time it just happens. Because from time to time you do deserve to feel it.

“What do you know?” he asked me, in our very early discussions. “Millions of things less than I know now.” Most probably I will arrive at the end of this life realising that I really don’t know anything at all.

Yes. That’s the Sun conjunct Jupiter. All mine. You’re welcome. lol. Good night.

PS. Dear daughter, never be afraid to ask questions that may seem like they make no sense. They do make sense, for the one they need to make sense.

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