One year from now

I did mention that one of my recurring dreams is that I’m driving a car and the car goes so much ahead of me that I end up taking the curves blindly, right? Like, why am I not just slowing down?! Yeah, it took me too much of my life to finally understand this dream: In my mind I’m living way too much ahead in the future and I end up bumping myself by the ordinary stuff in my present physical life. And… why am I not slowing down?

For a very long time in my childhood and teenage years I have lived with anxiety. So many things were completely out of my control. And when I graduated and had my own job and paying my own rent, more and more things ended up being in my control. So I started to exercise it, as far away in the future as I could.

Long introduction short, few moments ago I realized it’s been 9 years since I landed in CZ, not 10… as I originally wrote in the blog post below. And I even celebrated this with my partner and he didn’t figure out the mistake either. And, when I wrote the blog post below, I could even swear that my 10 years anniversary in the company was last year…

What I’m actually trying to say is that I ended up occupying a possible future line of myself 1 year earlier than I would’ve done it just by myself and by my own merits. I changed my future, again.

What exactly I did and when I did it, I’m not very sure, what I can say is that, usually when something like this happens (because it did happen, many times before), when I “wake up” I discover a trail of mistakes behind me that nobody spotted before. Which makes me realise now, does it even make a difference to correct them or not? Will my future go back to the previous version if I don’t? Well, this is where my problems start: I’m afraid to wait to find out, I guess I am a perfectionist.

“She died by going back trying to solve a mistake that she spotted in the solution that she drafted for an existential problem that nobody else was seeing but her” – it’s written on my tomb stone.

It’s like my car, on a curvy road managed to skip some very long detours by finding a short-cut. It’s like, from time to time I just need to have a little faith that, even if I drive blindly (3rd eye-ish speaking), things will turn out pretty much ok.

And that’s when synchronicity starts, when I’m travelling on a road that also my future self has travelled, but one year later. This evening I found on FB a small podcast on how to prepare for the SBL exam, at the end the tutor was asked: So what is your favourite place in the world? He said, “Greece, my native country”. He mentioned some islands there, but I didn’t memorise them..

This one just one of the examples… yes, coincidences exist all the time everywhere, in synchronicity we are just focusing more on them.

I may not make that much sense it this post, or maybe I do… but “have a little faith in me”.

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