Yesterday, when I talked with someone whose birthday is just few days after mine, I said that I will be x years old, but that x was 1 year more than what I will actually be. Is not that I’m bad at basic maths, is that this year I have always felt I’m an year ahead… and it’s worrying me. Because this means I’m overseeing things. And making mistakes.

Bonnie still hasn’t come back.. so… I guess it’s RIP Bonnie.

I didn’t write anything about my second attempt at SBL… so, this time I found out that there was indeed a button on the writing space to bring everything to the same format. I found out during that intense two days Seminar… which was basically the only thing new that I got from that. So when I complained last time I only showed that I’m stupid and I didn’t get familiar enough with the CBE interface.

But hey, of course this time something happened also… the bloody keyboard was set for Czech: the numbers line from top was just symbols, the . , ( ) ‘ ” were all messed up… So imagine getting pissed off each time I had to type them. Not to mention $ symbol which I simply couldn’t figure out where it was.

Although, the tasks this time seemed much more approachable, I barely wrote anything in Task 4 and in Task 1 I realised two days later, that I kinda messed up: I don’t recall writing anything at all about the “operational” performance part.. and on the “financial” performance, why on Earth I couldn’t bring myself to calculate ROCE also? Plus, I think I f*d up the interest cover and at the Gearing, although, I will probably get the points for it, I think I included also current liabilities.

I’m not happy with my performance overall. Time management is the biggest bitch in this exam, is so easy to get lost in the information. And I really really don’t know if I will have the energy to do it for the 3rd time. I mean, we have to acknowledge and I keep stressing this, that for all the other exams I studied just myself at home… like, the SBL and the others from the Strategic Professional Module are Master level curriculum. One should just not reasonably expect to pass them that easily… so yeah… I might be less smart than I thought. And this is definitely depressing me.

Mainly the thought that one is definitely not getting smarter by age, after certain age the road is just downwards. Same thing valid also on work-peformance and remuneration, after coming back from Maternity especially while working part-time, you can barely expect to be a consistent worker and do your bare minimum tasks, because whenever you try to do more and achieve more, you are just fucked up by destiny: baby gets sick and you have to work with her, sometimes literally, over you. And is so f*g easy to make mistakes like this.

Did I mention I go insane each time I find myself mistakes? In that week in October when I had Covid for the second time and I also had to work, I realized I made so many stupid mistakes. Like, what was in my head?!

So yeah…

The midlife crisis has arrived. But maybe I did enough. For God’s sake, I lived two years in one, this year! I mean, from the learning and development perspective.