Bye-bye 2021

Ok, there are still 4 days left from this year… still… a short retrospective…

Of course, by far, the biggest “accomplishment” this year was getting back in resonance with… I don’t even know how to call him anymore, he has so many names… although in strict online boundaries limits, it’s fine. And fun. And it seems to work. Life has colour again. And it’s gaini. Sometimes. When BTC is not shitting on us.

Oh, God, what a year!

Since September I’ve been having two part-time jobs. One more fun and rewarding than the other.

Passed one exam in March, failed one exam in September, tried that exam again in December, now waiting for the result in 3 more weeks… the more I think about it, the more I think I will not pass it again.. like, that’s my limit, all I can achieve just by myself, if I want to do more I need to enroll in some formal study programme. Which is kinda impossible with a kindergarten kid… and two part-time jobs.

Gained more kilogrammes again… I’m like I was when I was 7 months pregnant. Because this year was so bloody stressful. I even gave up trying. I think I gave up trying around the autumn of last year. There are days when I’m not getting out from the house, aside from taking out the garbage.

If until few years ago I was considering I am in functional depression, now I’m in survival depression. I literally don’t do anything more than what is critically necessary. This pandemic took me the best of my soul – the traveling and the little grain of social and outgoing that was left in me, after feeling abandoned in a foreign country for almost ten years now.

Best part of today? I guess now. Just lying in bed and listening music on my new phone and baby leaning on me and watching Leo the truck and Kiki and Miu-Miu.

There is still some fight left in me, but I kill it before it even sees the light.. like, what’s even the point?!

It looks like outside is sunny, but it’s also -5 degrees. Just to get the Tesco groceries from the gate and my brain was frozen. The cold does bother me, every day.

Am I exaggerating? Am I lazy? Spoiled? I honestly don’t give a f* anymore. Ask me again in March.

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