Author Archives: Stefania

Dear cortisol level..

I think you got too much of a mind of your own… You need to take a Vacation. Like a full month Vacation or a Sabbatical. You are getting crazy.

I know, you were dreaming of spending a week in a ultra-full-inclusive Spa in Tunisia.. But life had different plans for the time being. And maybe the time for that is not yet lost, now that your owner has recently renewed her passport.. it would’ve been too hot in the summer for that anyway. So maybe November.

Anyway… Dear cortisol level.. You are so high (most probably) because you care too much about things out of your control zone. About too many things.. About the Unbreakable Kimmy.. Funny show, btw.

Yeah and about that pizza waiting for you for dinner. How are you planning to burn the calories from eating it? By taking a tandem swimming with Nessie, perhaps? 😀

Dear cortisol level.. Remember the most recent dream? At a terrace somewhere in Constanta, it was cold and rainy outside, we were sitting in front of each other at a wooden bench and I was having some sheets of a playwright or a novel, he had given them to me to read them and then to discuss about the plot. But I have some feeling that this might’ve actually been the 2nd encounter, after the resetting of the Time.

Then, I climbed some long stairs and I saw something truly amazing, it was a garden with a lot of crystals and some shapes like shiny castle towers, but everything was reflected in both right and left, in a shape like being under some cupola. And there was also a very bright light coming from the valley. It was like a sunset, but without the actual set.

Which reminds me of the dream I had last night, it was another very lucid dream, I wanted to go to a certain place where I knew I couldn’t go in real life. It was exciting and I was pushing so hard to not lose focus until I arrive there, because I was aware that the road is long, I had to survive through some metro stations.. some road crosses… Yeah.. What happened with those dreams when you dream yourself directly there, not in the road to… There.

Yeah! I remembered now where I wanted to go. Which makes me think I’ve actually been there few times before, yet not exactly there, time-space speaking. Epic. So, let’s meet there, directly, next time. Do I need an access card or can you pass me as a Lucid Dreamer / Astral Projecting Visitor?

Yours truly, some_5%_from_the_other_90%_of_the_brain, unconsciously used.

PS. Relaxation is not lowering Stress levels. Only Active Loving is.


When you have enough…

This afternoon I had dinner at Olesna and then I started a small walk with Bonnie… into the nothingness. I was not sure I want to have a whole round but I didn’t know what else to do. If it were to go home I would probably take my laptop and keep working… But I’m doing my best to not leave my passion for work turn into an obsession. I said I’m trying.

Then, I saw a family that looked perfect, the dad, the mom and 3 blonde kids under 6, all on skates and in perfect fitness shape. Especially the mom. Too much in shape after giving birth to 3. I shocked myself with the kind of thoughts that rose in my mind. Then it came to me the idea of heading back and buy a desert… to drown my misery. There was a young boy to whom I tried to say my order. I barely told him the table number and he showed signs that he didn’t understand what I wanted. I asked for a desert and water with lemon. With a blunt face he says card is not accepted. Irritated, I ask Why? I was here before, today and it was.. I tried to tell him. Then the lady who took my order before came and asked if I want anything else and I said No and then she gave me the receipt.

And barely then I remembered, card is accepted only for purchase over 200 crowns. Which is not a fair thing, considering I always come here with the meal vouchers card, that should be accepted anywhere, no matter how small the amount. Imagine wanting to come for lunch everyday, 200 crows per day, I would spend all my month’s credit in 8 days. 😦

Anyway… I wouldn’t have succeeded to achieve what I achieved so far without my boyfriend. Most of the times when we are both together he is my personal translator. But not just this. He is also my personal driver, my personal taxi orderer – when he is not home and I have to go to the city – , my personal doctor appointments organiser. Even while I was in RO recently I couldn’t have done what I wanted without calling him two times for help.

Except from my work – which is just as demanding as my career level describes it, but sometimes I’m stressing myself with no reason – life here is very peaceful. I’m counting now the days until my vacation starting next weekend. Can hardly wait.

I’m also counting the days until my Aunt Flo will have the decency to show up. Like I’m in a limbo.. And I’ve tested like addicted, almost every day for the past three weeks, I could even say I had all necessary symptoms, yet not even the faintest 2nd line showed up. I even discovered reading some forums that this is a real recognised addiction for women desperately wanting to conceive.

And this is how, slowly, the subjects in my blog will start to incorporate namings like AF, POAS.. I think PCOS I even wrote at some point, when I was too happy for getting my first BFP which actually turned to be a missed miscarriage, which required D&C.

I mean, from one point ahead, one realizes that we work so that we can buy what we need to live, we don’t live so that we can buy more and more time to work.. and then we end up after 35 realising that we need to spend on fertility investigations significantly more than all the OT pay we had in our life. I didn’t have to pay anything yet, so far everything I needed was covered by the insurance. But if I don’t get a very BFP until I turn 35, I really might have to.

PS… Please stop trying to say to a person familiar with anxiety to relax. They will not understand what you mean. My only time when I am truly relaxed, probably, is in my dreams, when I’m flying, levitating… So, as long as gravity prevents me from doing this also while awaken, I just can’t relax. Never. Let’s see who wins, me or relaxation. Now I’m scared I might give diabetes to relaxation.

Heading back home and taking it as a personal challenge to not touch the work laptop until Monday at 8 AM. (I have discovered a new series on Netflix – Good Girls – a female version of Breaking Bad.)

Despre Romania… si Jupiter retrograd

De doua ore imi trec prin cap idei despre cum o sa scriu acest post de blog, pe care incerc sa-l fac cat mai scurt, ca trebuie sa recuperez niste somn pana maine dimineata.. pentru ca, atunci cand ma apuc sa scriu pe blog, ma invaluie asa o stare de creativitate, de ma prinde miezul noptii pe nesimtite. Dar daca nu capturez esenta, intr-o forma care sa-mi sune mie placut, nu pot sa adorm. Si vreau sa creez ceea ce ma reprezinta pe mine.

Ma tot intrebam daca sa scriu sau sa nu scriu despre elefantul roz din piata, de aseara. Metaforic, evident. I-am gasit aceleasi trasaturi fine, in ciuda a ceea ce uneori incearca, cu cine-si mai permite, probabil in joaca, sa para. Ma bucur ca fac parte din aceasta categorie, cred ca am reusit, in sfarsit, sa gasesc acest echilibru, intre ceea ce dau si ceea ce primesc.

A trebuit sa citesc cateva carti de parenting, ca sa inteleg ce inseamna iubirea neconditionata, indiferent pentru cine o nutresti. Si nu cred ca voi putea intelege niciodata de ce unii oameni decid sa-si infraneze aceasta nevoie de a iubi, invocand motivul ca persoana nu merita, pentru ceea ce a facut sau n-a facut. Sau pentru ca iubirea este un sentiment prea intens pentru a fi irosit pe oricine. Dar mai ales daca acel oricine nu rezoneaza, adica daca sentimentul nu e reciproc.

Iubirea nu ar trebui sa fie un subiect tabu. Sunt chestii care se simt pur si simplu, acea liniste, care vine nu prin blocarea si inlaturarea stimulilor, ci prin acceptarea lor, prin incorporarea lor. Sa poti sa fii mandru de ceea ce simti, pentru cine simti, sa poti sa-ti justifici ca ceea ce simti e ok, si daca mai ai si capacitatea de a-ti atrage in jurul tau oameni care inteleg acest aspect despre tine, atunci ai gasit succesul. Cel putin asa-l vad eu.

Am scandat in vreo 3 reprize, la unison, cu restul adunarii. Chiar si dupa atitia ani de cand nu ne-am mai aflat in aceeasi proximitate fizica, chiar daca nici acum nu m-am apropiat la mai mult de doi metri si nu am schimbat absolut nicio vorba sau o privire cu vreo tentativa de inteles, anume, prezenta lui inca imi da incredere in mine. Mi-am reamintit cum ma simt, de parca as fi gasit, in stare naturala, pura, o parte din mine, pe care toata viata a trebuit sa o sintetizez, proces care imi consuma prea multa energie.

In seara asta am trecut iar prin piata. La ora noua fix s-a cantat Imnul. M-a emotionat. Eram doar vreo douazeci de oameni, asezati in cerc. S-a mai scandat de vreo cateva ori, dar m-am indepartat de “multime” ca sa-mi fac check-in-ul pentru maine dimineata, pentru ca nu rezonam in totalitate cu ce se striga.

Pe la noua si jumatate m-am retras. Un pic trista. Stii? De cand cu Rosia Montana mi-am dorit sa fac si eu parte macar o data dintr-un protest. Sa vad ce se simte, facand parte dintr-o asa multime de lume. Mi-a luat cam multi ani sa se alinieze astrele incat sa faca asta o realitate, chiar daca multimea a fost mult mai mica decat ma asteptam.

In aceste doua saptamani am observat cat am putut de mult, in numele lui Jupiter retrograd in transit in casa mea I. Am intrebat, in stanga si-n dreapta, am vrut sa aflu o parte din povestea omului care sta langa mine la coada, a soferului de Uber, a vecinilor. M-am revazut si cu prietena mea din copilarie, Diana, pe care nu o mai vazusem de la nunta ei, din 2010. Am ramas extrem de emotionata dupa ce m-am jucat cu mogaldeata ei, Sofiuta.

Si am realizat ca oamenii nu-s asa tristi si amarati cum aveam impresia. Asta pentru ca nu prea au mult timp la dispozitie sa realizeze ce se intampla cu ei. Majoritatea sunt prea obositi, ocupati cu viata de azi pe maine pentru a putea face un plan de actiune realist, pentru a imbunatati ceva in viitor. Aluneca de pe-o zi pe alta, traind ca broastele in oala cu apa care deja incepe sa fiarba. 😦

nu. vrem. sa. fim. condusi. de. hoti.

Multumesc pentru ca m-ai inspirat sa strig asta. Si pentru ca am adaugat noi amintiri la catastif, cu care sa pot sa adorm linistita si pentru urmatorii 6 ani. 😀 😀

More crystals..

Last night I dreamed I was offered a gift, a set with bracelet and necklace, from silver, with many symmetrical magenta crystals attached to it. It was delicate and shiny.

But I felt offended. I asked the person why he is offering me that… I never asked or expected anything material from that person, in the reality nor dream world, so I was very surprised. Except from that lily-of-the-valley flower, that I received many-many moons ago, also in a dream, when he told me “thank you, for everything you do for me”.

I asked what I did to deserve that jewelery and I was given few qualities about me, so old that I even forgot them… It was nice to have them remembered. This is what I was expecting and needed the most, appreciation, comfort, kindness, not material possessions.

I remember in the end I didn’t accept the gift, but I instructed the other important persons in my life to make a bit of space, because I accepted him, with all that he is, so we might see more of him in the future.

Now I’m trying to decipher what it means. Remembering of the last time I dreamed about magenta and purple crystals… 🙂

Will you please record me perfect instead?

How can something that never existed die? You know, like this situation: “I’ve been meaning to do this for you, but because you did that, I’m not doing it anymore.”

It’s not fair, you know? I had no idea what you were planning to do, you cannot make it my fault… Like it’s a limited amount of happiness that you can receive in some amount of time, if you got creative and you reached your quota for today, in the 1st hour in the morning, you can only drown in your misery for the rest of the day…

Several years ago I thought it would affect me more if and when this will happen, but today I don’t seem to feel absolutely anything about it. I feel much more for smaller things coming from a different direction. Maybe I’ve changed.

Am I supposed to hold a memorial for it or should I just let it rest in peace? Did it die because I stopped accessing it? Or it died just because of old age? It had just few more months until being 10 years old. Where do all blogs go when they die? Maybe they are all together, with the ones I created and then I killed, before I dared to become committed to this one.

I’m not making a memorial to the blog, but I’m making it to the Composite Sun Conjunct Venus in Scorpio, in the 2nd House, currently transited by retrograde Jupiter. This is the real input and it will never die, the blog was just a temporary projection. 🙂 It’s ok, I understand myself.

1 out of 2 plus 0.3

This is the status of the tasks I managed to complete today… I woke up at 6 AM :(( Dad drove mom and I to Pitesti, directly to stay in line to be scheduled for passport. I stayed 1h in that line, outside, in the rain, time in which mom went and paid the fees for pass and driver’s licence.

I managed to complete 0.75 from the passport renewal task, the rest of 0.25 consists in filling up a power of attorney for daddy to pick it up in 10 working days, when it is ready, because I have to fly back until then… And then to find a way for me to receive it.

The driver’s licence task… only 0.25 completed… after I spent almost all day on Tuesday filling up all the medical checks and staying 2h in another line this morning, after I got my order-number for the passport picture and stuff.

The thing is.. Some months ago they have apparently implemented an online appointment service, which seems to fail with honours for some cases, like mine. Plain stupid bureaucracy.

Because, when I had it clear that I can fly to RO, when I booked my plane tickets almost one month ago, there were no more places left to make an appoinment for these days, when I was able to take free day. And currently all places are booked until August 3rd = stupid system.

However, from all info my parents were able to gather from other people and what I read also on the internet, there was still a possibility to show up there directly, without appointment, in an additional line.

Yeah.. after waiting 2h in that line, (I was the 3rd when I got there), so happy that I finally got inside, I am asked: “Do you have an appointment for today?” “No”. “Is your driver’s licence expiring today?” “No”. “Good-bye, then. Next!!”

“Wait, what, why?!”, I said. “The line is only for expired, stolen, lost or name-change”. “What?!!” “I didn’t know this… Nobody told me this… So what you’re trying to say now is that, if my driver’s licence is not yet expired, I have to come again when it will, in order to make it? Please, I don’t live in RO anymore, I cannot come again also in August when it will be expired or when I can find more places for an online appointment. Please!”

And then she told me to go to the Bucharest Office, because, seemingly,  only there they do also non-expired and without appointment. And to stop arguing with her and to leave, because I’m losing the time for the other people.

I didn’t know if to feel ashamed, perplexed or just amused by the situation. But then, when I found out that the fee paid in my county, is not valid also in Bucharest Office and I will have to pay it again, I knew exactly how I felt: very angry. And is not about the money that I was angry, I was angry because of the faulty overall process.

In conclusion… I tried to be a diligent citizen and to show up here in time, before the expiration, and I found a bug in the system. Somebody please help me fix it.

Or to change my permanent residence, do it in CZ and give it a big fat Zero fuck to this faulty RO system. 😀 But then I will have to do the passport again on the new address 😦 … That’s why my EGO is never satisfied, because it didn’t have from where to learn better, by growing up in this system.

Oh yeah.. The extra 0.3.. Something else that didn’t work as expected showed up, right after we returned from Pitesti and we had to stay another 30 min in the bank to fix it, but it was something that will help us also for the future.

Conclusion 2: Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune AND Pluto are currently retrograde. So, I should be grateful I managed to complete even this 1 out of 2. See you again in August.. Or should I pay a visit also to the Bucharest Office (pun intended)?

Me starts learning music now

After seeing the vlog with Claire’s perfect pitch, I installed myself an app.. it’s called Perfect Ear.. it’s interesting 🙂

I mean, I want to know more things also on theory, as I learned the keys in school in solfege, I had no idea which one was C, G, F etc. I remember around 16, when I had my first boyfriend, a guy passionated about guitar singing, he tried to teach me the notes also but in vain, I was resonating with other topics at that age, like chemistry and biology. Lol.

I mean, I need some new things to distract me from burning out other… things… until they will start to stop talking to me. Btw, on September 6th I expect an award.

I was resonating more with the piano, but I couldn’t afford having one.. actually nobody took my yearning seriously.  Until 2011 when I bought myself a keyboard thanks to one award I got at work. And I managed to learn few lines from Fur Elise.. in 3 days… and when I discovered my younger brother learned more from the song, plus another one in the same time frame, I lost my mood. I mean, I had to go to work also.. he didn’t, so he had more free time, actually.

Sometime in 2013 or 2014, I forgot the year, I was very close to start singing lessons. It didn’t materialize. And then I seriously thought about starting again but I’m extremely sensitive to criticism in this department (because I am aware I’m novice at singing – my voice is not as stable as I wish/like to believe) and I won’t need anyone too strict, to discourage me, more than energizing & inspiring me, so I came to the conclusion, that, if I’m interested to learn more, the internet is already saturated of information and apps, to learn in my own pace. Singing is for me the most effective way of calming down, relaxing or tuning out when needed, like when doing dishes or cooking or sometimes, the first minutes from taking a shower.

Anyway.. Argentina is back in the game. Me goes back to sleep. Gotta continue the dream from last night :)) it was so sweet. And tomorrow I have to work – I have 5 results-review/planning-meetings, one after the other, a record.. so, if I survive all of them I can go back to my app.

Still, my heart will be tomorrow with the #protests in Bucharest. Unfortunately, I had already requested off today and on Thursday, planned for staying in huge-lines for paperwork to renew my driver’s licence and passport. But I’m dreaming of being there in the weekend next week. 🙂 And I want to try some other flavor of eclaire, so see you there. Somewhere. Sometime..

Own your success

I found this in a learning board at work, few days ago, it got stuck in my head and I’ve been dreaming about writing a blog post about it.

And, before getting there, I have to confess something that I discovered about me a couple of weeks ago… I have to come out with it. I have never considered that, I mean, I don’t remember anyone calling me that.. ever.. but yeah.. feelings happen… and they make you wonder… and re-think everything you knew about yourself until then… and sometimes you cannot control them..

I have a narcissistic ego! Pheww! I said it. Feel so much better now.

So you see, my dear reader, I’m not a narcissist! Because I identify myself with my Soul. Only my Ego is that. Unfortunately, the ego is bound to this planet.. <avoiding If-Clause Type III here>.

My ego makes me feel so bad sometimes, because it never stops wanting what others have. It got me sick for a whole week, after something, someone dear to me, achieved. Before me. Someone I wasn’t seeing with indifference, for a long while now. That’s why it hurt so bad.

Let me explain, please. I was expecting it, I saw it in the planets (yeah, I probably know a lot more than you think, about you, thanks to them) but I wasn’t expecting for that to happen so soon. That’s why it got me sick.. I thought we are in a tandem. I wasn’t feeling ready even to dream about achieving that for myself, because I learned you have to work very hard for it.. for years in a row. Because I learned that the system doesn’t move that fast.

But then you notice, someone else comes, achieves it and makes it appear so easy. Like it was a piece of (dark chocolate with vanilla ice-cream aside) cake. Because they didn’t have the experience of living with that hard system, that now I have to un-learn and dare to dream more for myself.

Ok, about anxiety. Or depression. Or both. I don’t consider I have a mental illness, because I don’t feel them like an impairment.. like an obstacle standing in my way of achieving my dreams. I consider them traits of being human. I am aware of them, I felt them and I learned how to find my way around them. Ohh.. So much I could write about this!

What I can say for now – how I understand it – anxiety is a small wound that you are born with… something rooted in your aura. And, depending on the environment in your childhood, this wound can heal or it can open up and become bigger and bigger. And the bigger is this wound, the easier you attract the negative energy, that makes it even bigger. YOU attract the psychological abuse… very painful to acknowledge, but it’s as simple as that.

Anyway, in my first session of psychotherapy (in CZ is for free, even in English, in this average city), around September last year, I was told I need to learn how to take my time and appreciate myself for my achievements, especially for learning how to live with anxiety. Literally, to embrace myself and congratulate myself. I found this so weird and ridiculous. I felt that, if the others don’t see this about me and if THEY don’t do it, it’s because I probably don’t deserve it. That, if I do it myself it would be… I don’t know.. some other dimension of mental illness, that I haven’t discovered yet. See how hard it is, now? What I have to live with? This over-dimensioned Ego of mine? It’s simply never satisfied.

But yeah, she was right. I have to congratulate myself, even if nobody else does it, and especially that’s why, because I probably do the job so good that they don’t even see what I’m fighting with. They are not me, they don’t see what I see… they don’t feel what I feel every day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I’m just stating the facts.

And yes, I am aware there are others who have it much more intense. And yes, I also can’t see what you see and what you feel, every day. (It might happen sometimes, with some people more than with other people.. and then you discover a dedication to someone who is not you and you suddenly realize you went too far in your connectedness reverie.. again).

Christina’s recent vlog… Left me thinking. I’m sure she meant it as a joke, but there is something extraordinary about it, maybe there are others who do think it, not in a joke! She is amazing – I hope I’m not seeing her like this, with pink-colored glasses, just because of the position of her Juno. I first wrote a comment there, but then I realized it was probably not the right place to talk about me, so I deleted it.

Yes. People DO exist, even after moving in a country where they don’t speak the language. How? They speak in English. 😀 Or German. Or Spanish. Or Romanian (with other romanians). Or they just don’t speak at all.

I lived for the first 5 months in a shared flat with 2 Russian girls and one cat. One of the girls didn’t speak anything besides Russian and Czech. And the words I knew in Russian, at that time (surprisingly more than in Czech), were less than the number of my fingers.

You don’t need to speak the local language in order to breathe, to take a walk in the park and take pictures or to do groceries in a hypermarket. Especially to eat in any of the international fast-food chains, where the menu is in English. And then you slowly learn… day by day. You even sign up for classes of Acting in English. 🙂 And then you start living with someone and you get used to speaking Czech-lish when you suddenly wake up in the middle of the night after a bad dream . 😀

I didn’t realize how much of a big deal it is, what I achieved for the past (almost) 6 years, until this vlog. And I understood not to compare myself and my achievements with someone else’s. Because it’s not a fair comparison.

What I find it interesting is that I can speak in Czech so much better with the children. Because they don’t hold any preconceptions about me, they see me as I am and they don’t see I’m different, for being an immigrant. (I find it so weird to use this word).

You know what’s also hard with this Ego of mine? It hurts me when I see someone is evolving faster than I am. It hurts me when I see someone singing better. Or speaking and writing better in English. Or losing weight faster & better. Or working more efficient with Excel. Or playing better ping-pong. Or conceiving and having a baby before I can… Ok, we’re getting into shaky grounds, I stop it here.

So.. it hurts me when I see specialists rising around me, because I wanna specialise also. But in Everything. All of the above. (Ok, except of the ping-pong thing.. but who knows). And working with so many things simultaneously takes much more time. It hurts me when I realize I cannot keep up with everyone, especially with the ones I feel for.. because that means I have to let them go.

Lucky I haven’t found anyone around me who knows (and works with) astrology better than I do. I would literally implode. Ok, my EGO would. It would rip the space-time continuum. 😀 Interesting…

“One more layer down”. Would be the title of my – what number was it? 4th? 5th? – Book. I wonder if I will have lives enough to write them all… considering I’m barely drafting my first, for almost 8 years now.

I promise I will write a blog post, sometime in the future, also about Sun conjunct Chiron. Enough is enough about Moon.

If you had come, you would’ve seen me

I guess a part of me always knew I was writing it wrong.. but I never had the strength to accept it and the guts and the energy to search and to learn the proper way to write it. Until few days ago when I watched a movie and it finally resonated with me, from the dialogue.

I got it. It makes sense now. Which means I have to take all blog from the beginning of time until the present day, read everything and correct. And I’ll probably discover more errors. It’s tough, you know, to have things to say, but, because you are not wrapping them in the correct form, your message doesn’t get anywhere.. it just floats somewhere in a limbo.. I’m proud of what I learned so far nonetheless, because I’m conscious I did it all alone, I had zero classes of English in school and I couldn’t stress this enough.

I’ve noticed people bragging with proficiency certificates, receiving compliments from others, although having beginner spelling mistakes in the same paragraph. Yes, it’s hard. Yet it makes me more empathetic, while understanding that the world is not a fair place. Competency is not always the decisive factor in one’s success, also attitude and likability play star roles. Now I wonder if anyone in their right mind would choose to make mistakes on purpose and why.

I think in English most of my day, my sentences are not made of raw words, they are made of expressions and phrases, so, sometimes it’s difficult to build something from scratch. And this anxiety that, whoever reads them, might find countless mistakes, but doesn’t give even that little amount of energy to point out the wrong… it makes one feel completely worthless sometimes. I guess, yeah, we should always cherish the people who dare to show us our mistakes… especially in this so “politically correct” era we’re living now.

I have a house with an infinite number of rooms. It is always in the same place. I go there each time I want to be alone with myself, I go from one room to another, pass through 10-12 rooms until I find one and I lock myself inside, knowing that nobody can ever find me there. And then I start searching through the drawers curious what my subconscious is able to create. It’s amazing. Knowing that you are dreaming, that no matter what you find and what you do in that room is not real, it has no effect when you’ve woken up, yet the memory remains.

Last time I dreamt this, I found myself in a hallway, with the door from the room I just exited and another 4 other doors all marked bathrooms. A bit weird..

Last night I dreamt something troubling. Something bad that happened to me in real life, but it didn’t affect me that much then, as it did now when I was dreaming it. Maybe because I was hoping that there are still plenty of chances for it to happen again, in the right way this time. Yet, with each month that passes I’m burying the disappointment deeper and deeper in my subconscious. I mean, what do I win by complaining about it? Nobody can/wants to/has to help me. Only time. Who knows.. someday… through a movie.

I’m not living the life I want. Probably because I grew up, because I learned that living on this planet comes with making sacrifices. Ohhh… and I’m still not doing anything compared to others. Take vegetarians for example.

Captured – The Healing Moon

November 10th 2022 – one week after that episode with Moon’s nightmare, it’s Tara’s birthday and she invited Moon and her current partner to a transcendental meditation lecture.

We don’t know much about what this means and what it implies, but it sounds fancy… and holistic. Transcendental meditation. Perfectly suitable for Moon and Jesus’ object of work. As they were a bit late, because their baby-sitter cancelled in the last minute and they had to negotiate with Josie, to watch over her younger siblings and tuck them in to bed, when they arrived at the lecture almost all seats were occupied.

Tara, impatient, kept looking for them and when she finally saw them she raised a hand to catch their attention. She had saved them two seats.

– Jesus Espejo, he presents himself, Holistic Therapy Consultant, and then adds laughing, Moon’s new husband.

– He is joking, interrupts Tara, they are not married, they only had Ben together.

– Jack Forester, said Tara’s date. Photographer. Wait a minute, I know you, says, looking at Moon.

Moon is blushing, but she says she doesn’t know who he is, if they ever met before she doesn’t remember him. So we believe her.

After they catch their breath they take their seats and pay attention to the lecture. The whole lecture. Very attentive. No giggling at all. If we hadn’t known Moon we may say she has a “thing” for men whose name starts with J.