She was very brave!! She cried, for like 1 minute, with big salted tears, I haven’t seen her cry like this before. It broke my heart. It was less cry than at vaccine, but it felt more intense, you could see on her face, about 10 min later, she was still sad.

But then, when I saw her with them, smiling, I fell inlove with her. I literally fell inlove with her! She hasn’t made me feel so much for her until now. She is so sweet and cute and precious and radiant… You got the point.

Mom and Dan came to visit, they were here all week, they will leave tomorrow morning. Mom worked like crazy, she spent 50% of her time cooking and the other 50% playing with baby.

After “the earrings mission”, we went to Fryda and we bought her some toys and she had a bottle of milk and she slept for 1&1/2 hours, while we did mostly window-shopping and we ate at the food court.

And at home we still had our Christmas tree, barely now they are putting in down.

After she will fall asleep, now, I’m going to study, as I have every evening for the past 2 weeks. I hope she will sleep, because, since we put her into the bigger baby bed, she keeps rolling herself on her belly, she is sleeping like this also, but we have to watch her closely to make sure she knows how to put her head to breathe properly, sometimes she just stays like that, on her belly, with the head up, gazing in the dark 😀

So yeah, that’s about it for now.

If I remember correctly, some time in the autumn of 2006, I had a temporary obsession of cracking the mathematical code for winning the Romanian lottery: “6 out of 49”, by playing in Excel, with the archives of the numbers that have been extracted prior that date.

I knew that, the only thing I would need to solve it, is a graphical representation of “a 6 variables equation system“. And I also knew that, for that, I would need to understand the 6th Dimension. Have I wrote about it before? Nevermind.. And I also knew that the archive available is significantly small, compared to what I might need to make an accurate code out of it.

And then I forgot. About one year later I came across a Youtube video that was explaining what the 6th Dimension might look like.. and the 7th, 8th etc etc. And my brain stopped responding, somewhere along 😀

Then, I came to Czech Republic and then Interstellar happened and I got obsessed again. Here, the most common lotto system is “6 out of 40”, but you win something also with guessing just 3 of them and they do it two times a week and two extractions each time. I don’t know if they have archives available with the winning numbers, nor I care. Here is 20 czk to play a variant/section, which I think it’s cheaper than what it was in RO, when I left.

So, for a while, I was playing by putting all numbers from 1 to 40, split as 6 in 10 sections. (So, some would come 2 times). I won few times, by guessing the minimum 3, but the amount was just about enough to cover the cost of that ticket with 10 variants. Until I had a dream that I should not put that many lotto tickets because I’m losing my Angels. 😀 Yeah.. anyway…

Few days ago, actually in the exact day when my former colleague from the call-center died (RIP, I hope he is happy and peaceful, where he is now), I saw on his Facebook profile that he follows Fringe, so I wanted to watch the series again, now I’m about to finish Season 2.

Parallel to that, about a week ago, when I discovered on Youtube “the mandala” of the Orbit pattern between Earth and Venus, Leo showed me that joke-video when a client is asking a firm to “draw 7 red lines, from which 3 are with green ink, all perpendicular on each other. and one of them to be also in form of a kitten”. But I didn’t catch the joke. That’s because I knew, somehow in my mind, that I know how to do it…

So I started to draw it. And then I said what if I try to make a physical model, and I made a cube out of toothpicks and ginger root corners, when I was like “Oh, wait, I forgot I’m still in 3D.. ”

And then, because of an episode of Fringe, I wanted to see how a graph of a 9th degree equation might look like… Search Google “graph x^9″… now I wonder for what kids still go to school,  guess mine will have high chances to be self-schooled, as absolutely everything they would teach in school is on the Internet. And the things really worth knowing, will never be taught, right? 😀

And now I just discovered that from 20.01.2016, 18:18, my consciousness is living into the 5th Dimension, so it might not be that complicated anymore to visualise myself in the 6D. The funny part is that, now, I don’t want to win the lottery anymore (I got the paper that my parental leave allowance has been officially increased to 300k czk, so I’m fine 😀 ), now I’m just obsessed with the Math behind it.

And Quantum Physics… Even if I don’t really understand anything from it, because I never studied it.

But yeah.. Looking at this little creature next to me in bed, asking for my attention, I guess somehow, I did understand just enough, I understood the Divinity behind it. Some time, things happen, no matter how much we calculate or we don’t calculate it.

Some say we are our thoughts, our choices or our knowledge.. Our possessions or our memories. Or our name.

From all I learned in this life so far, I believe we are what we leave behind. And I do want to leave something behind and to change the world for the better, as better as I can, day by day.

As for leaving behind, if you look at it from the cosmo perspective, we are the worst species the Earth has ever had. But that’s a different story, and you know it well, Greta can provide more details about it.

What I’m trying to write now is addressing the individual level.

The world has changed, the way we interact with eachother has changed. The generations have changed. Absolutely everything you post online may come under scrutinity and may be used against you. Each dialogue you have online can be seen and judged by many others, some will resonate with your opinion, some will not.

So, do your best each time and, with each critique you receive, you have the opportunity to learn something new and to grow. Don’t let yourself swim in the same water for years. You will end up being 60+, wrinkled and bitter. Literally.

Yeah. I received a comment in a group, that left me a bit disturbed. It’s fine, I was expecting to meet also haters. But this doesn’t mean that I also have to accept their negative energy.

But there was a part that I’d like to expand. I was argued that I write too much and I’m not “putting my shoulder to hard work”, to do something useful, aligned with the direction of the group. Among other things, that, for my own sanity, I prefered to ignore. But I am putting my shoulder to work, the intelectual one! And it’s employing much more energy than the physical one. It’s ok, the world is big enough for everyone, we don’t need to tread on each other’s toes.

I know my value. It took me a lot to learn it. I’m very creative and I cannot keep it just for myself and I do my best to wrap it in a clean form. And I also know what I still need to learn. And what I am meant to leave behind. And it’s spreading to various fields and domains. I know why I chose to be part of that group and I know that my input is appreciated by those who need it.

I also appreciate very much when somebody is showing me my mistakes on spot, but when you say I made a mistake and you don’t tell me what was it, is the opposite of what I’m doing.

What he did was not helping, it was just spreading hate. This is how I see it. And it’s fine, I don’t need to be liked by everyone. So I made him a huge favor and I blocked him. If he cannot control himself to ignore what I write, I decided to spare him the missery. Now he has more time “for his job and his family” and to employ his shoulder to do his hard work without being disturbed by my “too much” and “too correct” input (the last part I added myself, to portay also the envy I received).

Fair enough? It was clearly a dissonant encounter, why torture ourselves trying to achieve balance?! And I saw what he recently left behind also, nothing useful for me to learn from. At least not on this development path that I am now.

I do my best to be true to myself. Is not always easy, because I’m constantly being influenced by the people I love. I change and I admit it only when I want to and only if I really need to. Which makes me think, next time I will receive a disturbing comment, I will use this line: “and what did you intend to achieve with this comment?”, to save me of writing another blog post.

Another thing, saying to someone that their question is stupid or cretin is not making you score more points, on the contrary, it shows how rigid and limited You are. All opinions should be encouraged. You never know what new things you may learn.

Helping someone to learn something new – like the proper way to spell in their native language – is a good enough reason for me to continue. There are many ways to serve your country and everybody has the right to express their own opinion, as long as it stays within the limits stated by the Constitution.

And to conclude, I love this definition of Stupidity: “causing harm to yourself or to others, for no reason”. Is this an insult? Is not, if it’s the truth.

Mic drop.

In whisper, while leaving the scene: I joke only with the people I love. For everything else that doesn’t make sense, there is a block button. You should try it sometimes.

This week we had mom and dad over. I studied exactly 1 page :))

Yesterday we decided to unfreeze and clean the freezer.. We ended up turning upside down all living room and adiacent storage room.. We worked like crazy.. Now I have both the treadmill and the couch in the room. But this means I have no more desktop computer, again, no room for that anymore. And I only had it for two weeks!

Yeah, so from next week I should start running, to release the remaining baby weight. And, probably some time in the end of the next week, baby will start solids!!! This should be fun.

I felt so bad today after we came back home after the baptize. I don’t know, either I was too cold, either I ate something weird, either I developed a migraine from the hair coloring conditioner smell from last evening, either I received a “bad-eye” thing.. Mom said it was just stress getting out.

Seriously, it might be a Romanian thing but this is exactly how I felt: sudden headache, dizziness, sleepyness, nausea, mental fog.. It got better barely after the 2nd paracetamol.. I feel good enough now to be able to write this. But I still have the impression that I see with only one eye.

And I finally fell with the chair! Remember that office chair I bought few years ago, the one with wheels. I don’t remember how it ended up downstairs but lately I was using it for eating, at the big table. It was also very useful for nursing and rocking baby, because it is leaning in the back. Each time dad was seeing me leaning he was telling me that I will fall with it… When they left after the visit in Spring, somehow the chair got blocked, it was not possible to lean back with it. But last week Leo finally understood what I was complaining about and he managed to unlock it.

On Wednesday at 9 am I almost broke my left arm… When I fell, somehow the left arm got trapped behind it.. It hurted horribly, I almost fainted. I asked mom to give baby a bottle of formula because I didn’t see myself capable of nursing, I rubbed Voltarene on the area around the wound which was a carpet burn and kept ice on it for 2 hours.. I was afraid I broke it. I could’ve broken my head on the pantry door, I missed only by few centimeters, I hurted my elbow though..

And then, from that night, a throat pain started.. I ate 5 or 6 Isla pills and it stopped.. I hope they are breastfeeding compatible, I forgot to check, and they are working better than Strepsils.

Now, an interesting thing about the baptize: the Godmother’s name is the same as the baby’s name!! I must’ve known this but then I forgot.. I knew well the Godfather, but I only had seen her before only one time, several years ago. They are expecting their 3rd. Brave. And another fun thing: apparently the baby needed a Patron name, aside from her first name.. And this is how my baby ended up having exactly the same two names that I wanted in the first place. And they’re both secret. 😀

And! I almost forgot, another very good thing that happened this week: I got my result from the F7 exam: 83%!!!! I couldn’t believe my eyes! My best result in the ACCA exams so far. So, I guess this means to be studying properly. I’m now more than half in the study for F9, but I don’t have the same appetite.. I think I will postpone this one for March session. The Sun is transiting my 12th House, this is my time to rest… mentally. I kinda need it.

Stay tuned, coming soon with the blog post en français!

Later edit: remember that little ring I was having on the back of the phone, to be able to scroll Facebook with one hand while breastfeeding? Yeah, I broke it. Wednesday or Thursday, don’t remember exactly. Lucky I had 2 more. Yeah, I managed to break a 2nd one, exactly the same way, just the day after… It’s like they have some expiration date or something…

I always heard and still hear or read about this, mostly from parents with a more than decent financial position, mostly, probably, trying to show that they care. If I ever said or wrote about it myself, well, I changed my mind.

Last night I did an important step in my life, which brought me some small revelations. Small step for the world, but a big one for me, personally. I will probably write about it with a later occasion.

So.. investing in a child. In the child’s education. Starting with private kindergarten and ending with college abroad. Sounds fancy, but it’s wrong. You know why? Because an investment implies a certain amount of return. What kind of return are you expecting from your child? A very good job in the future? Will you expect to benefit from this job also, as a parent? Having a decent life after retirement is your job, not theirs.

You know, we Romanian have a saying “make a child to have someone to bring you a glass of water when you are old”. I don’t resonate with this. I don’t expect my daughter to bring me a glass of water when I am old, because she will have her own babies to nurse. I believe is not fair for the kid to add such a big responsibility on their shoulders.

The times have changed. In the developed countries people can decide (more or less) when to have kids. I’m not including here the cases when the child was conceived by accident or without consent. I am talking about a planned and wanted child. Nowadays kids are not made like on a factory line, to be employed from a young age, to help at the farm. Except from cases when parents belong to some movement or cult, in the developed countries the families usually have 1 or 2 kids, enough to have the means to raise them healthy and properly educated.

Anyway, you got the point. So, saying that you invest in your child shows egoism. You can invest in yourself, by taking post-graduate classes or arts or whatever, because it’s you and it’s about you and you are capable enough to understand the responsibility. You know that you expect a promotion after those classes or a change of career. I mean, you can sure put them in private kindergarten, raise them multi-lingual, send them to college abroad, but don’t take it as an investment.

One of the things that left me disturbed from my childhood years is that I never knew (in advance) what are the expectations, but I was qualified as “needs improvement”. In the exceptional cases. In the usual cases I was called plain “not good of anything”. What can this mean? That the investment return was negative? How miserable must be the life of that parent to be capable of calling a child like this..

In conclusion, raising and educating a child should be unconditional. I’m not feeding and entertaining my child as an investment. There might be one small exception on this: health. Especially dental, which is the most expensive to treat. Considering that, until certain age, I will have to pay for the dental care, I might consider an investment a proper hygiene routine and regular preventive checks. But the child will know what is expected from them: to brush their teeth at least 2 times a day, floss at least one time a week, just like their parents do, nowadays.

Also, is much more than egoism to expect from the child more than you expect from yourself, solely because you provided them with much better learning conditions than what you had. Ok, ok, our parents and our grand-parents from the little they had they decided to “invest” in the kids. They did a small mistake. They should have invested in themselves. And let the child decide (age appropriate) if and how much they want to invest in themselves. You, as a parent, except from seeing your child healthy and happy, should not expect anything else.

Just that, too often, parents push kids too much and forget what their job as a parent really is about: just to love them, always, unconditional and no matter what. Everything else is an illusion.