Category Archives: Writings in English

North Node conjunct Midheaven

I mean, transiting North Node, will conjunct my Midheaven with maximum on August 16th. And also the Sun will transit conjunct my Midheaven with maximum on the same day. Cool, huh?

5 years ago (and 5 days before that) I was landing in Czech Republic. 😀

On August 25th Saturn will turn direct, passing one more time over my Jupiter-Sun-Neptune from my 2nd House. As if my poor Sun didn’t become responsible enough by now..

Next time when NN will pass over my MC will be in March 2036. I will be celebrating (almost) 30 years of working at that time.

Next time I will have Saturn pass over my Sun it will be around my birthday in 2046. First time it was at the end of 1987 (when I had just turned 4..). Is it bad to say that one of the main things that keep me alive is my deep curiosity of experiencing all this Saturn cycle (one more time)? I would probably be soon to retire from work at that time. I would maybe even live on a different planet by then. Who knows?!

You know, a funny thing, they say to live each day like it would be your last. And then you wake up again. And again. And again. And again. And once again you’d have to swipe the shards of all the glasses that you broke while partying too hard the day before (metaphorically).

I think it would be much wiser to live as if you would have to live also tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after. So you put the computer to sleep at 23:00 sharp each odd day (even if that finds you in the middle of one exciting Everwood episode) – respectively 22:30 each even day, because you need time for shower also – brush your teeth & go to bed, because you know you have a long working day tomorrow and the only person whom you’d be causing harm by wasting your night sleep is still you, because you will still have to do the same work load and being not properly slept it would only cause you frustration because you will not be able to focus at the optimum capacity and you will make mistakes and you will still be the only one who would have to discover them (months later) and fix them and your long term plans of advancement will be delayed one more time and you will have to do that excruciatingly manual and repetitive work yet again. And again. And again. Like the levels of Pokemon Go (sorry, I don’t have experience with computer games). Ok, now breathe. 😀

It’s funny. Looks like this Saturn transit managed to discipline me in a very reality grounding way. And not necessarily because of need, as, because of ambition. Yeah.

So why would I want to stress my future children with discipline from a young age? Has Saturn time enough for everything and everyone… at the proper time. I would only show them their map and that’s it, the’ll know what and when to expect. 😀

PS. Nothing exciting happens in Everwood. I started watching it because of Paul Wesley, exactly from that episode, from the middle of season 2, when he entered the series. But then I got captivated by Amy and.. what was the name of that dude, again? that one who speaks so mature for his own age and always pretends to play piano? Yeah, that one.. 😀 Exactly.

One more try

I’ve fallen in love with this song lately. So clear. 🙂

I still had weird dreams in the past nights, although not as crazy as the ones from the previous posts. Also, I don’t remember them anymore with that many details. I don’t know what’s wrong with my subconscious. I mean, worse than what I already became conscious about… which is still pretty weird, considering, but after surviving the shock of discovering it, I concluded that there is nothing I would do or change. Somehow, all the pieces are still in the exact places where they’d perform at their best potential. Just that now I’m even more present, apparently, a bit more in control. Able to feel the things at a deeper level.

Also, I’d like to share something interesting from my astrology program. Aside from the chart and the aspects, you can see also the power of each planet’s energy and the power of each aspect.

So my top 3 planets: Jupiter, Venus and Sun:

Planet: Position Aspects Parallel Total Rank / Percent
Sun: 37.5 ( 6) + 41.3 ( 3) + 3.0 ( 2) = 81.8 ( 3) / 9.9
Venus: 42.8 ( 3) + 45.1 ( 1) + 1.7 ( 6) = 89.6 ( 2) / 10.8
Jupiter: 54.0 ( 1) + 38.2 ( 4) + 4.2 ( 1) = 96.3 ( 1) / 11.6

And my top 5 aspects (orb + power):

1: Venus (Sco) Con (Sco) Saturn | 0:39′ + | 32.59 |
2: Venus (Sco) Con (Sco) Ascendant | 0:59′ + | 31.38 |
3: Saturn (Sco) Con (Sco) Ascendant | 0:19′ + | 29.26 |
4: Sun (Sag) Con (Sag) Jupiter | 2:48′ + | 29.25 |
5: Moon (Tau) Con [Tau] Chiron | 0:55′ + | 18.25 |

You can do the same also for composite charts:

1: Sun (Lib) Con (Lib) Mercury | 1:07′ + | 22.02 |
2: Mercury (Lib) Con (Lib) Midheaven | 0:37′ + | 22.00 |
3: Sun (Lib) Con (Lib) Saturn | 1:46′ + | 21.77 |
4: Saturn (Lib) Squ [Cap] South Node | 0:56′ – | 19.89 |
5: Mercury (Lib) Con (Lib) Saturn | 2:54′ + | 17.66 |
6: Sun (Lib) Con (Lib) Midheaven | 1:45′ + | 17.46 |

Cool, huh? 🙂

Getting weird

Last night I had a lot of dreams. Or nightmares… I don’t get it, maybe I was too tired.. so today I skipped my running session, my left leg hurts also. I might’ve exaggerated my muscle flexibility when I was running with my eyes closed. Epic. Each time I was closing my eyes it felt like I was floating and as if someone was pulling me forward, faster and faster – really amazing.

I had my usual dream.. ahem.. whatever.. I don’t even remember all the details.. and then one session of lucid dreaming while I was walking, exploring one apartment. Yeah.. the same. But this time I didn’t see anyone inside, only at the end of a long corridor I saw a desk and a dog. And at the right side, in the end, it was a door. He was somewhat white-grey color, he was eating or drinking or something, next to the desk. It’s not easy with these lucid dreams. I’m still working to bring the people I know in a lucid dream like this.. adorable. :))

Nightmares? Yeah.. I dreamed I had cancer. 😦 And I was at my second session of chemotherapy. And my hair was falling off. But I wasn’t scared or anything, I was just accepting..

What really scared the crap out of me and I ran away telling to the person that she is insane.. was in another dream. What happened in it wasn’t really that much creepy, but the way how it happened repulsed me. It didn’t happen to me, it happened to the person next to me. So much hate in those actions… No, I cannot describe it.

And then some other weird thing happened, like, this person who creeped me out had a car accident and then started to dry out…  I told you I had nightmares.. And the even creepier part is that this person was the same from the first dream. The usual one. At least in my subconscious. Truly creepy.

Planet stuff

Saturn in transit, retrograde, is currently perfectly conjunct with my Sun. Will keep going backwards and then, in the middle of November, will cross the Sun again. It takes 29 &1/2 years for Saturn to make a full circle, so last time I had this I was in my 4th year of life.

That time was transiting in a close conjunction with Uranus and Pluto was also transiting my Ascendant. Poor child me. Actually that Pluto went back and forth over my Ascendant until I started school. I wonder how I survived that 😀

Now is back and forth over my Mercury, while also conjunct Juno. And Uranus is back and forth over my Juno, in 6th House. Such a memorable year this will be.

A, I found out, next time I’ll have full Moon in Scorpio (transiting my 1st house) it will be in 30th of April, 2018, over my Ascendant.

Later edit (after preparing and throwing in the oven the vegetarian lasagna that I made for dinner): OMG, I just remembered what I dreamed last night!! Barely now. It was a bit creepy.

So, I was in my home apartment with my mom, dad and brother, we were in the kitchen and through the window we could see a bright light that was approaching. We knew it was an asteroid that was about to hit Earth and kill us. It was heading exactly on our apartment, we had just few minutes left. I was at peace, telling to myself: ok, that’s it. Now we are going to die. I was not afraid or anything, I was just accepting. I was aware that I lived just thirty-few years but there wasn’t anything I could’ve done to stop the asteroid. I counted the last seconds, closed my eyes and covered my head.

But I didn’t die. It appears that even if the asteroid was heading to our place it wasn’t big enough to kill us, it even fell behind of the building. I went at the kitchen window and I was looking down and I could see the sky and the stars. Down. As if the sky was down, not up. I was looking and looking and then I noticed that actually the whole ground was covered with water and it was so peaceful that the whole sky was reflecting in it.

It was amazing. Yet also creepy, now that I think about it. Now I’m going to take apart all the elements and try to decipher it. 🙂 I hope it means good things.

I hate this.. it feels awesome

No, it doesn’t feel awesome at all, because I’m blocking it as much as possible. Because it makes no sense. And it’s impossible. I was just trying to be sarcastic. Not even trying to appear funny. Or bipolar.

One of the most unbearable things in life: discovering that you just developed a crush on someone, while you are in a serious relationship. When you very painfully know that you have a tendency to develop obsessions. One obsessive crush while you are in a serious relationship.. with someone else. Yes. It feels worse than being in a prison, because you cannot do anything to take it out of your system.. you just fall… continuously… feeling everything until the most absolute bottom of your misery. And no one understands you.

Why I’m writing this online? I don’t know. I’m hoping maybe I’m really not alone, maybe somebody else on this planet felt the same thing, at a certain point in their life. Or maybe someone else is feeling it right now, I want that person to realize that she is not alone.

Who is the one to blame for this? It could fuck up everything I worked so hard to build so far. Can I blame the Synastry square to Pluto? Or to Chiron? Or the Venus conjunct Sun in Composite? Such a waste.. It literally makes me cry when I remember.

Oooo…. that turning point that you know so well. That moment when you realize it. When suddenly you cannot be casual anymore around him. When your whole life completely turns upside down. When the sky falls down over you and you cannot stop it. When you have a 2-year-old tantrum on the floor of the living room after throwing against the walls, as hard as you can, with all the objects that you find on the coffee table (at least those that you sure won’t break, since you’ll have to clean after).

Omg, I forgot to feed Bonnie. And he is outside… waiting patiently on the door mat. Ok, I fed him. Such a lovely dog.

Why God, why? Why now? Remind me in my next life to take another road, then in the 11th grade, and instead of deciding to continue private classes for applying for economics college to apply for Pharmacy studies. And develop a drug called: anti-crush-pill in one single doze.

LE: 3 weeks after the event… wow, such a funny post I wrote. the crush feeling is completely gone now.

Imagine me

This morning we drove to Ostrava. Ok, I just sat in the right seat, he drove. I spent 4500 crowns.. and he bought just one light bulb. As follows.

The most important part is that I woke up with an unbearable emotional tension. Astrological coincidence: Sun transit conjunct my Chiron-Moon. I have another title for a book that I would like to write: “The guy I dreamed about last night just ran 17 km”. Epic title. I dreamed I was walking on a staircase, in an apartment building, I got to the 8th floor and I was wondering where is the door, when I suddenly saw that one of the doors was semi-open, the one from the left, as I was standing. So I told to myself that maybe he was expecting me, that’s why he left the door open so I won’t get lost.

I got in, I’ve been there tens of times, but somehow each time the setting is different, he showed up and I ended up on a couch, while he went to do something in the kitchen. He was in pajama pants. Then some other girl showed up, black hair, I invited her next to me. At the end we were 4 girls and he came with some tags, like some personalized invitations for a board game, it was some small red label, with an arrow on one end, but I didn’t see anything written on it, and he told me that in one of the following nights will be a game and that I don’t need to carry “my stuff” with me, as it will be imported automatically or something.

Then I went in another building, to “the second apartment” that my family has – that is also a recurring place in my dreams – and I was bringing a nice soft blue door mat for the entry. In reality my family never had a second apartment.

Ok, I woke up normally, the emotional tension started when it came to me the idea to buy a 1 room apartment in Bucharest. So I started searching for the offers, during coffee, I had even calculated how much interest and for how many years I would have to pay a credit.

Anyway,  I started feeling that I’m currently living in a puzzle that only has 2 pieces missing and another puzzle prepared itself on a white board, where only 1 piece was in its place, yet a very attractive one. Obviously I cannot match that one piece in my almost finished puzzle, as it is part of a different scenery. Long story short, by the time I got to Avion shopping part I developed a panic attack. I’m ashamed… Lucky I wasn’t alone.

So the first stop was in Tchibo. Here I managed to calm down to my senses. Bought yet one more active-wear t-shirt (this would be my 4th… none used for active stuff so far), a sports bra, finally I found something perfectly suitable for my body, and one new pair of running pants. And a pouch for the phone. Until next Wednesday still holds the excuse that I cannot run because I’m under antibiotics and the jaw is still swelled and bruised. But after I’ll have my stitches removed and after the team-building, nobody will stop me.

And then we went to Ikea. I bought myself a proper home office chair!!!!!! Yeeyyyyy. Finally! And I arranged my office space upstairs, so no more working from the bed anymore. I hope this will help me with my energy level management during the day and I will be able to fall asleep faster at night.

And then, after we ate and we were heading to the car, guess what: an open hair saloon just materialized itself in front of my eyes! 🙂 After how much I suffered two Sundays ago when I couldn’t find one open in Fydek-Mistek and I played cutting my hair and painting it myself, I got very upset, not because it didn’t turn out good, but because I felt one more time that everything is so unbearably hard for me here.

And then he wanted to look a bit also in Takko. He looked. I tried on and then I bought. A new pair of summer shorts, a lovely shirt and a flowers tiara:

I’m so happy for my new look:

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So I may say that after today there is just one more piece of my puzzle missing.

Whatever.. I’m back

No place better than home.

Few days ago I started writing on Quora. I found it challenging. I wrote a lot.

First day, second, third it was cool, making me think, consuming my creative juices. It really kept me obsessed for few days, last weekend I went in a trip and I couldn’t put my phone away, even if I had no internet signal, I kept typing on my answer. I was really surprised by the traffic, I got about 1k views in just one week, what I usually get on my blog in 1 month. In a lucky month. I also got 15 votes, for my 30 answers. And I asked 6 questions. I got 2 answers. So until I will get at least 6 answers to my questions, I’m not giving them anything anymore.

Also, I feel that the resonance is gone. Now it somehow takes me energy, instead of giving me. First of all, the astrology topic (which interested me the most) had much more questions where they debated whether it’s real or a fraud, than actual astrology, specific questions. Ok, people. I got it. You are all right. In your way. And I still want to assume that it is real (not necessarily also believing it), it’s employing so many layers of my imagination, a refreshing escape from my daily life.

And then there are all the other topics, where at least 50% of the questions contain the word happiness in them. It seems the humanity has reached a stage when everybody wants to be happy. And now. Some ask even what to do to be happy after one year. I don’t know. You might even be dead in one year. So it won’t matter anymore. Nobody really knows.

There was a question from someone asking what to do to stop his happiness from being affected  by exterior factors. That was my masterpiece answer.

Insert title here

You know how in the movies they’re moving some days/month/years into the future, when they don’t have what to show, because the characters need to face some things and evolve and move on, on their own, before being reunited again? Or they fast-forward, showing the characters either running, eating healthy for improving their figure, either supporting the walls or the doors, listening to the songs and eating the foods they shared together, while crying in despair. Either way, they are transforming.

Yeah… the problem is, in real life, something like this doesn’t happen. So you have to be present everyday, face the struggle every single day, every single hour, live with yourself 24/7. Now let’s say the drama is not really that big, let’s say I am just waiting for something exciting to happen, that I know will happen, at a specific date in the future. So I have to find something meaningful to do in the meanwhile. It’s like, this year, I’m plugged to a higher frequency of energy, which becomes unbearable if I don’t use it. Everyday. I feel I’m wasting my potential if I sit still, I need to keep myself busy with the most challenging projects ever, things I haven’t done before in my life. Find new limits for myself.

This week I had 3 days when I went to bed at 2 AM. 😦 I didn’t plan it, it just happened. I blame it on the full moon in Scorpio, which happened in my 1st house. (I must run my program and see exactly how often this happens). The thing is, I found something very captivating, which inspired me, mostly related to writing. Writing, for me, mindful writing, is an activity where time simply doesn’t exist. I forget to eat, to drink water etc, and then, I realize it’s 2 AM and I’m still not sleepy. It consumes me nonetheless, but in a pleasant way.

Sometimes I feel like it’s not even me writing, like if someone/something else higher than me it’s using my body to bestow knowledge upon our mortal’s dimension. I’m saying this, because I have times when I find myself writing things for someone else, that I wasn’t aware I know them. So writing reveals me, it makes me discover myself and it builds confidence in myself. It makes me realize how much I changed and how many things I learned, unconsciously, since last time.

Jupiter is coming back from retrograde on June 10th, currently transiting my 11th house, then (after saying “Hi” to my Mars, with maximum on August 1st) on September 1st, will enter into the 12th house, where it will stay until the beginning of December.

Last time I had Jupiter transiting my 12th House it was for just 3 & 1/2 months, from middle Sep to end of Dec 2005. And then it stayed in the 1st house for whole 2006. From middle Sep 2005 to middle Feb 2006 I was with scholarship in Spain, then, I got my first job, finished college, had my first trips with tourists around the country, started my master degree and moved alone in a rented one-room flat.

Now Jupiter will stay in my 1st house from Dec 2017 until the end of 2018…. And on Nov 12th, 2019 will be the maximum point of the conjunction with the 2nd house Sun. Cool.

Above the boiling point

So he softly comes next to me, raising his hands towards my chest, with the obvious purpose of unbuttoning my shirt.

1 h before:

Me, my brain mush from all day of youtube and other useless sites, somewhere stuck between depression and despair, shouting, rushing on the stairs up:

– “Zubat! Zubaaaaat! NO, you cannot sleep yet. Ty nemůžeš ještě spinkat! Neee! What about me? I need to take a shower first, but I’m too sad to find the energy to stand in the shower. Tomorrow we definitely have to go buy the new tub and arrange also my bathroom upstairs. Are you sleeping??”

– “Please turn off the big light, you can turn on the nightstand lamp, if you want… to talk…”, he tried to mumble, while turning himself on the other side and pulling the blanket over his head.

– “Let’s talk. I need to talk to you…”

And then, on fast-forward, one hour of apparently useless exchange of lines, which passed also through the stage of me bringing the ultimatum of “engagement ring or let me go!”, was enough for reconnecting.

Yeah.. and then he throws the blanket away, stands up and while unbuttoning my shirt asks me:

– “Aren’t you hot? With cardigan, shirt and t-shirt?”

Me looking weird at him, thinking maybe he has some indecent thoughts.. preparing to attack to the imaginary offense.

– “I am just trying to help you cool down, it seems you got too much stuff boiling up in there.”

At this point I started laughing, hysterically, like those emoticons that roll over on the floor laughing. He’s good! I have to admit this. He found a button in me, that I had no idea it exists.

We decided we will go to mall tomorrow and I will go to hairdresser. One step at a time. It’s like, you cannot expect your man to sit in one knee in front of you while you have split ends. :blink-blink face, mouth whole shut, with crickets background:

Conclusion: it always comes a time in a woman’s life, when she stops wandering aimlessly around and shows the world that she found The One she would like to settle down with. In a new tub. At least, in this parallel universe. :blink-blink:

Priorities..

Ok, now I’m obsessed with Kristina’s videos (and her long love with Nutella), in which she is telling the ugly truth about motherhood and parenting, in an hysterically funny way, although, seeing how she looks in her middle 30s, after giving birth to 3, makes me more depressed than I was when I started watching her.

So… barely now I may say that I got over the jet lag and got rested enough after my vacation on the other side of the Atlantic, just enough to feel that my brain is functioning at normal capacity. (11% from the total capacity :D)

When I arrived in the house, in the middle of the day on Thursday, the house was spotless clean, the kitchen was sparkling and even Bonnie seemed recently washed. So I only had to start the fire in the heating room and work, catching up with my emails, while the washing machine was busy with my two loads of stuff, from which the purse.

Yeah, I’ve thrown the purse also, along with the whites, because, after carrying it in that rusty basket of the bike on the Isla Mujeres and opening in and closing it million times, while having bio sunscreen and bio repellent even on my eyeglasses frames, it had all colors on it, except its natural white. Ok, beige. Yeah, in that corner it was a sauce of something, after two all-you-can-eat buffet lunches, in those 2 trips in Cancun, who knows what that sauce was?!

So, when I arrived home I used one plate, that, I left in the sink. For dinner I used another plate. And a bowl. And a glass. And a fork. And my Leo did the same, probably, also on Saturday and Sunday, so on Sunday afternoon the kitchen was looking as if it was devastated by an army of hungry Bonnies. But no f** were given.

Did I mention? On Friday I managed how I managed, by miracle, to wake up at 8:55ish, because I had to work, but on Saturday I slept un-turned for 13 hours! I didn’t even know this is possible, I didn’t wake up during 13 hours not even to use the bathroom.

So I woke up at 12ish… we drove to Tesco to buy food and I indulged in my crazy idea of making home-made mojito. Honestly, I only put two small shots of white rum in that big jar of crushed ice, mint leaves, lime quarters and brown sugar. A, btw, I cut myself 3 times in the exact same place of the big finger while cutting the lemon, but barely the third time I felt it. Actually I felt it right after wondering why the ice-cube, that I was trying to squeeze out from the bag, had pink stripes.. Anyway, the think is, I don’t know if because of the mojito or because of the half jar of Nutella, I was barely able to fall asleep at 2 something AM, on Sunday morning. After I surprisingly noticed that, now, Bonnie eats bananas also, as we shared one.

At 8 AM, on Sunday, my Leo was trying to pull me out of the bed by my legs. Unsuccessfully. I had a horrible headache. I begged in all known languages. He gave up. I woke up eventually, by the noise of the garage, when a car was trying to get inside. He was in the city alone and finished all his “errands” by the time my brain decided to wake up. Actually my brain decided to wake up barely after 1 Novalgin, 2 big glasses of water, 4 more hours of sleep and 1 Paracetamol.

Ice-cream and more Nutella for lunch. I made myself a chicken steak with broccoli, but I shared it half with Bonnie, as it required chewing. And who eats broccoli when you have Nutella? I had too little energy to waste on chewing. Around 5 PM I went upstairs to take a nap, which turned out to be the 2nd part of the Arrival. The movie that we started on Friday evening. Or was it Saturday? Or maybe Monday..

After these days of jet-lag, mixed with my natural head-in-the-cloud-ness, I even started to worry that I may have contracted an exotic disease that makes you sleepy all the time, so I searched it on the internet. Yeah, there is a disease, but not transmitted by mosquitoes or other bites, it’s called: post-vacation-depression. Or Je-m’en-fiche-ness. You know what, if I afforded to have a vacation in Mexico it means I have enough money to pay someone to wash my dishes! Pardon my Spanish.

The conclusion is: today at lunch I finally had something decent to eat. I made myself an omelette burger. 😀 unfortunately a piece of the omelette fell on the floor. I was ashamed for few seconds, because somehow, by miracle, the kitchen was spotless clean again! Leo cleaned it yesterday afternoon, he even washed the floor, so I had to walk in my socks when I prepared my dinner yesterday.

Anyway, the omelette from the floor. Sans fromage. The 5 seconds rule?! Maybe, if Bonnie wouldn’t have witnessed it also… But now it’s tricky: what he would think of me if I collect it from the floor and eat it?!

So I did something very bad. I invited him in the kitchen to eat the omelette from the floor and even lick it. I only had to wipe it after with a napkin. Spotless clean again. Except for the 3 small plates lying in there now, dirty of ice-cream. And 3 tea-spoons dirty of Nutella. No, we are still just 2 people in the house and I was the only one who ate Nutella.

I mean, as long as I have money the correct currency, to pay someone to wash the dishes and clean the floor, I’m not a bad person, right? 😀 😀

PS. Yeah, I know I don’t have any children so my attitude is not justified.