Category Archives: Writings in English

Baby has teeth!!

I noticed, a couple of days ago, the bottom right one was visible through the gum and now it’s completely out, I can feel it with my finger, and the left one is also visible!! Yeey!! Mom asked if she cried when they got out… Not that I know of… She was sometimes waking up screaming, in the past nights, but I thought she was having nightmares or she hurt herself on the crib margins.

On the other hand, I have a tooth ache. I went at the regular check in November and they told me barely in March they have free spots. It was hurting me for a while in summer, then it stopped, but few days ago it started again. I don’t know what to do.. wait until my appointment or go to the emergency room.. I haven’t had a tooth ache in almost 10 years and when I got here I had almost all my previous fillings re-done. I guess this is one of the remaining ones, that got demineralised during pregnancy and breastfeeding.

Another milestone of baby’s independence: today she discovered she can sit by herself! I was watching her, how she was struggling, but she had determination, she knew what she wanted and she didn’t give up! I am decided to not help her unless she ends up in a weird position that causes her pain. I was offering her my hand but she wouldn’t grab it. I never saw her so focused before, in her movements, it was scary! As if she just had another major software update. It took her few minutes the first time. She did “a demonstration” also for daddy, some minutes later. Now she can do it in 5 seconds. She is amazing!!

She just banged her head on one of the crib’s walls and she didn’t even notice.. I picked her up immediately expecting 5 min of crying! Nothing. Zero. Zilch. That’s my brave girl! Mommy’s little gymnast.

My baby is gone… Now I have a very independent, brave little girl. It makes me cry! I think this stage between 9 and 12 months is the most interesting, she is learning so many things, so fast!!

And I have to study for my ACCA exam… And UK left the EU and I’m still studying for my exam. Sometimes I think I’m crazy, I feel so tired, the lack of proper sleep in the past months is starting to leave marks. Not only on my tummy and hips. Sometimes I feel I want to throw those books into the fire-stove and pretend I never started them. I feel guilty that I’m not giving 100% of my time and energy to baby. Why have I started them in the first place!? I have paid for the exam already, so I have to go now..

Did I mention on Friday evening she fell from the couch’s bed down-stairs? I left her sitting, playing, in the bed, went for a glass of water, we had just turned back from groceries shopping. I forgot she is like running Mercury now. She cried a bit but didn’t have any signs on her head or arms.. So maybe she fell feet first. I don’t know. I was not naive, I knew that no matter how much attention you give them, they will eventually end up falling from the bed. It’s part of their learning curve. So we celebrate it!! 😀

About a week ago, she was leaning on the side of the bed, observing what is down. I showed her that she can fall and I hurt my knee in the process, I have a big bruise. Several times I demonstrated her what happens when the bed ends.

The left-over hair, from the one she was born with, it took the form of bangs and it’s now getting into her eyes. I’ve been catching them in a tiny ponytail with a tiny rubber band, but it’s added stress, I’m afraid she will pull it out one day and eat it. Or find it in the crib during the night and eat it. Or find God knows what wherever and eat it.

Hmm..  this blog post made me hungry. Or her latching for almost 1h now and not wanting to fall asleep. I thought that after such sitting-pulling-rolling marathon demonstration she would fall asleep instantly…

So yeah. I’m going out to celebrate tonight. Shopping spree in Lidl 😀 9 months inside + 9 months outside!! Yeaaay!!!

Baby has earrings!!!

She was very brave!! She cried, for like 1 minute, with big salted tears, I haven’t seen her cry like this before. It broke my heart. It was less cry than at vaccine, but it felt more intense, you could see on her face, about 10 min later, she was still sad.

But then, when I saw her with them, smiling, I fell inlove with her. I literally fell inlove with her! She hasn’t made me feel so much for her until now. She is so sweet and cute and precious and radiant… You got the point.

Mom and Dan came to visit, they were here all week, they will leave tomorrow morning. Mom worked like crazy, she spent 50% of her time cooking and the other 50% playing with baby.

After “the earrings mission”, we went to Fryda and we bought her some toys and she had a bottle of milk and she slept for 1&1/2 hours, while we did mostly window-shopping and we ate at the food court.

And at home we still had our Christmas tree, barely now they are putting in down.

After she will fall asleep, now, I’m going to study, as I have every evening for the past 2 weeks. I hope she will sleep, because, since we put her into the bigger baby bed, she keeps rolling herself on her belly, she is sleeping like this also, but we have to watch her closely to make sure she knows how to put her head to breathe properly, sometimes she just stays like that, on her belly, with the head up, gazing in the dark 😀

So yeah, that’s about it for now.

Dimensions.. here we go again

If I remember correctly, some time in the autumn of 2006, I had a temporary obsession of cracking the mathematical code for winning the Romanian lottery: “6 out of 49”, by playing in Excel, with the archives of the numbers that have been extracted prior that date.

I knew that, the only thing I would need to solve it, is a graphical representation of “a 6 variables equation system“. And I also knew that, for that, I would need to understand the 6th Dimension. Have I wrote about it before? Nevermind.. And I also knew that the archive available is significantly small, compared to what I might need to make an accurate code out of it.

And then I forgot. About one year later I came across a Youtube video that was explaining what the 6th Dimension might look like.. and the 7th, 8th etc etc. And my brain stopped responding, somewhere along 😀

Then, I came to Czech Republic and then Interstellar happened and I got obsessed again. Here, the most common lotto system is “6 out of 40”, but you win something also with guessing just 3 of them and they do it two times a week and two extractions each time. I don’t know if they have archives available with the winning numbers, nor I care. Here is 20 czk to play a variant/section, which I think it’s cheaper than what it was in RO, when I left.

So, for a while, I was playing by putting all numbers from 1 to 40, split as 6 in 10 sections. (So, some would come 2 times). I won few times, by guessing the minimum 3, but the amount was just about enough to cover the cost of that ticket with 10 variants. Until I had a dream that I should not put that many lotto tickets because I’m losing my Angels. 😀 Yeah.. anyway…

Few days ago, actually in the exact day when my former colleague from the call-center died (RIP, I hope he is happy and peaceful, where he is now), I saw on his Facebook profile that he follows Fringe, so I wanted to watch the series again, now I’m about to finish Season 2.

Parallel to that, about a week ago, when I discovered on Youtube “the mandala” of the Orbit pattern between Earth and Venus, Leo showed me that joke-video when a client is asking a firm to “draw 7 red lines, from which 3 are with green ink, all perpendicular on each other. and one of them to be also in form of a kitten”. But I didn’t catch the joke. That’s because I knew, somehow in my mind, that I know how to do it…

So I started to draw it. And then I said what if I try to make a physical model, and I made a cube out of toothpicks and ginger root corners, when I was like “Oh, wait, I forgot I’m still in 3D.. ”

And then, because of an episode of Fringe, I wanted to see how a graph of a 9th degree equation might look like… Search Google “graph x^9″… now I wonder for what kids still go to school,  guess mine will have high chances to be self-schooled, as absolutely everything they would teach in school is on the Internet. And the things really worth knowing, will never be taught, right? 😀

And now I just discovered that from 20.01.2016, 18:18, my consciousness is living into the 5th Dimension, so it might not be that complicated anymore to visualise myself in the 6D. The funny part is that, now, I don’t want to win the lottery anymore (I got the paper that my parental leave allowance has been officially increased to 300k czk, so I’m fine 😀 ), now I’m just obsessed with the Math behind it.

And Quantum Physics… Even if I don’t really understand anything from it, because I never studied it.

But yeah.. Looking at this little creature next to me in bed, asking for my attention, I guess somehow, I did understand just enough, I understood the Divinity behind it. Some time, things happen, no matter how much we calculate or we don’t calculate it.

You are what you leave behind

Some say we are our thoughts, our choices or our knowledge.. Our possessions or our memories. Or our name.

From all I learned in this life so far, I believe we are what we leave behind. And I do want to leave something behind and to change the world for the better, as better as I can, day by day.

As for leaving behind, if you look at it from the cosmo perspective, we are the worst species the Earth has ever had. But that’s a different story, and you know it well, Greta can provide more details about it.

What I’m trying to write now is addressing the individual level.

The world has changed, the way we interact with eachother has changed. The generations have changed. Absolutely everything you post online may come under scrutinity and may be used against you. Each dialogue you have online can be seen and judged by many others, some will resonate with your opinion, some will not.

So, do your best each time and, with each critique you receive, you have the opportunity to learn something new and to grow. Don’t let yourself swim in the same water for years. You will end up being 60+, wrinkled and bitter. Literally.

Yeah. I received a comment in a group, that left me a bit disturbed. It’s fine, I was expecting to meet also haters. But this doesn’t mean that I also have to accept their negative energy.

But there was a part that I’d like to expand. I was argued that I write too much and I’m not “putting my shoulder to hard work”, to do something useful, aligned with the direction of the group. Among other things, that, for my own sanity, I prefered to ignore. But I am putting my shoulder to work, the intelectual one! And it’s employing much more energy than the physical one. It’s ok, the world is big enough for everyone, we don’t need to tread on each other’s toes.

I know my value. It took me a lot to learn it. I’m very creative and I cannot keep it just for myself and I do my best to wrap it in a clean form. And I also know what I still need to learn. And what I am meant to leave behind. And it’s spreading to various fields and domains. I know why I chose to be part of that group and I know that my input is appreciated by those who need it.

I also appreciate very much when somebody is showing me my mistakes on spot, but when you say I made a mistake and you don’t tell me what was it, is the opposite of what I’m doing.

What he did was not helping, it was just spreading hate. This is how I see it. And it’s fine, I don’t need to be liked by everyone. So I made him a huge favor and I blocked him. If he cannot control himself to ignore what I write, I decided to spare him the missery. Now he has more time “for his job and his family” and to employ his shoulder to do his hard work without being disturbed by my “too much” and “too correct” input (the last part I added myself, to portay also the envy I received).

Fair enough? It was clearly a dissonant encounter, why torture ourselves trying to achieve balance?! And I saw what he recently left behind also, nothing useful for me to learn from. At least not on this development path that I am now.

I do my best to be true to myself. Is not always easy, because I’m constantly being influenced by the people I love. I change and I admit it only when I want to and only if I really need to. Which makes me think, next time I will receive a disturbing comment, I will use this line: “and what did you intend to achieve with this comment?”, to save me of writing another blog post.

Another thing, saying to someone that their question is stupid or cretin is not making you score more points, on the contrary, it shows how rigid and limited You are. All opinions should be encouraged. You never know what new things you may learn.

Helping someone to learn something new – like the proper way to spell in their native language – is a good enough reason for me to continue. There are many ways to serve your country and everybody has the right to express their own opinion, as long as it stays within the limits stated by the Constitution.

And to conclude, I love this definition of Stupidity: “causing harm to yourself or to others, for no reason”. Is this an insult? Is not, if it’s the truth.

Mic drop.

In whisper, while leaving the scene: I joke only with the people I love. For everything else that doesn’t make sense, there is a block button. You should try it sometimes.

Baptism, czeched! :D

This week we had mom and dad over. I studied exactly 1 page :))

Yesterday we decided to unfreeze and clean the freezer.. We ended up turning upside down all living room and adiacent storage room.. We worked like crazy.. Now I have both the treadmill and the couch in the room. But this means I have no more desktop computer, again, no room for that anymore. And I only had it for two weeks!

Yeah, so from next week I should start running, to release the remaining baby weight. And, probably some time in the end of the next week, baby will start solids!!! This should be fun.

I felt so bad today after we came back home after the baptize. I don’t know, either I was too cold, either I ate something weird, either I developed a migraine from the hair coloring conditioner smell from last evening, either I received a “bad-eye” thing.. Mom said it was just stress getting out.

Seriously, it might be a Romanian thing but this is exactly how I felt: sudden headache, dizziness, sleepyness, nausea, mental fog.. It got better barely after the 2nd paracetamol.. I feel good enough now to be able to write this. But I still have the impression that I see with only one eye.

And I finally fell with the chair! Remember that office chair I bought few years ago, the one with wheels. I don’t remember how it ended up downstairs but lately I was using it for eating, at the big table. It was also very useful for nursing and rocking baby, because it is leaning in the back. Each time dad was seeing me leaning he was telling me that I will fall with it… When they left after the visit in Spring, somehow the chair got blocked, it was not possible to lean back with it. But last week Leo finally understood what I was complaining about and he managed to unlock it.

On Wednesday at 9 am I almost broke my left arm… When I fell, somehow the left arm got trapped behind it.. It hurted horribly, I almost fainted. I asked mom to give baby a bottle of formula because I didn’t see myself capable of nursing, I rubbed Voltarene on the area around the wound which was a carpet burn and kept ice on it for 2 hours.. I was afraid I broke it. I could’ve broken my head on the pantry door, I missed only by few centimeters, I hurted my elbow though..

And then, from that night, a throat pain started.. I ate 5 or 6 Isla pills and it stopped.. I hope they are breastfeeding compatible, I forgot to check, and they are working better than Strepsils.

Now, an interesting thing about the baptize: the Godmother’s name is the same as the baby’s name!! I must’ve known this but then I forgot.. I knew well the Godfather, but I only had seen her before only one time, several years ago. They are expecting their 3rd. Brave. And another fun thing: apparently the baby needed a Patron name, aside from her first name.. And this is how my baby ended up having exactly the same two names that I wanted in the first place. And they’re both secret. 😀

And! I almost forgot, another very good thing that happened this week: I got my result from the F7 exam: 83%!!!! I couldn’t believe my eyes! My best result in the ACCA exams so far. So, I guess this means to be studying properly. I’m now more than half in the study for F9, but I don’t have the same appetite.. I think I will postpone this one for March session. The Sun is transiting my 12th House, this is my time to rest… mentally. I kinda need it.

Stay tuned, coming soon with the blog post en français!

Later edit: remember that little ring I was having on the back of the phone, to be able to scroll Facebook with one hand while breastfeeding? Yeah, I broke it. Wednesday or Thursday, don’t remember exactly. Lucky I had 2 more. Yeah, I managed to break a 2nd one, exactly the same way, just the day after… It’s like they have some expiration date or something…

About investing in your child

I always heard and still hear or read about this, mostly from parents with a more than decent financial position, mostly, probably, trying to show that they care. If I ever said or wrote about it myself, well, I changed my mind.

Last night I did an important step in my life, which brought me some small revelations. Small step for the world, but a big one for me, personally. I will probably write about it with a later occasion.

So.. investing in a child. In the child’s education. Starting with private kindergarten and ending with college abroad. Sounds fancy, but it’s wrong. You know why? Because an investment implies a certain amount of return. What kind of return are you expecting from your child? A very good job in the future? Will you expect to benefit from this job also, as a parent? Having a decent life after retirement is your job, not theirs.

You know, we Romanian have a saying “make a child to have someone to bring you a glass of water when you are old”. I don’t resonate with this. I don’t expect my daughter to bring me a glass of water when I am old, because she will have her own babies to nurse. I believe is not fair for the kid to add such a big responsibility on their shoulders.

The times have changed. In the developed countries people can decide (more or less) when to have kids. I’m not including here the cases when the child was conceived by accident or without consent. I am talking about a planned and wanted child. Nowadays kids are not made like on a factory line, to be employed from a young age, to help at the farm. Except from cases when parents belong to some movement or cult, in the developed countries the families usually have 1 or 2 kids, enough to have the means to raise them healthy and properly educated.

Anyway, you got the point. So, saying that you invest in your child shows egoism. You can invest in yourself, by taking post-graduate classes or arts or whatever, because it’s you and it’s about you and you are capable enough to understand the responsibility. You know that you expect a promotion after those classes or a change of career. I mean, you can sure put them in private kindergarten, raise them multi-lingual, send them to college abroad, but don’t take it as an investment.

One of the things that left me disturbed from my childhood years is that I never knew (in advance) what are the expectations, but I was qualified as “needs improvement”. In the exceptional cases. In the usual cases I was called plain “not good of anything”. What can this mean? That the investment return was negative? How miserable must be the life of that parent to be capable of calling a child like this..

In conclusion, raising and educating a child should be unconditional. I’m not feeding and entertaining my child as an investment. There might be one small exception on this: health. Especially dental, which is the most expensive to treat. Considering that, until certain age, I will have to pay for the dental care, I might consider an investment a proper hygiene routine and regular preventive checks. But the child will know what is expected from them: to brush their teeth at least 2 times a day, floss at least one time a week, just like their parents do, nowadays.

Also, is much more than egoism to expect from the child more than you expect from yourself, solely because you provided them with much better learning conditions than what you had. Ok, ok, our parents and our grand-parents from the little they had they decided to “invest” in the kids. They did a small mistake. They should have invested in themselves. And let the child decide (age appropriate) if and how much they want to invest in themselves. You, as a parent, except from seeing your child healthy and happy, should not expect anything else.

Just that, too often, parents push kids too much and forget what their job as a parent really is about: just to love them, always, unconditional and no matter what. Everything else is an illusion.

Student update

So, yesterday I spent 4h just for myself, while baby was in the care of her daddy, Leo. I was having the Financial Reporting (F7) exam. I was dreaming about this moment for the past month, excited what the topics will be.

It was extremely hot in the room… In a big room with about 30 laptop stations prepared, we were just 7 people, for the afternoon session of the exam. I had my exam in British Council in BRNO. It was a building functioning for more than 100 years, while nobody did any improvements to it. Ok, maybe just in the restrooms.

I even had with me a change of clothes on a hanger: office trousers, shirt, sweater.. but in the last minute I decided not to change and remain with the travelling activewear clothes and good I did. None of the other candidates was dressed office, two women had even beach shoes and pants, maybe they were there before 😀

Because we had at least 30 degrees in the room during the exam. They didn’t have air conditioning, just a lousy fan in the ceiling, but there must have been also a heat source somewhere (except for the sun) because I could always feel like a hot breeze over my shoulders. In the middle of the exam I was feeling like I’m fainting… I should’ve eaten more and drank more water… but yeah.. My “traditional Red Bull before exam” this time had to be replaced with a cocktail of 2 pills of Magnesium, 1 B-Complex Forte and 1 Iron.

The exam topics were decent, but very worky… I mean, they didn’t just test our knowledge of the topics, they tested also our nerves. I’m not very happy that in 2019 we still have to use small calculator for exams, but, yeah, at least they are computer based. I wonder if students in college are still doing their exams on paper 😀

There was absolutely nothing about Earnings per Share, no loan notes, no leases, just one tiny mention of a bank loan, no tax calculations, just a tricky question with a deferred tax on a revaluation surplus and one “tax refund” in the Trial Balance in one of the big questions. There was one long item in the 1st big question about some contract to supply some goods, that I skipped because I couldn’t figure out from where to grab it.  The 2nd big question was asking to calculate the profit on disposal of subsidiary, some ratios and then give some decent interpretations.

There were too many questions with Property, plant and equipment.. One question also with a government grant, it probably got me even more grey hairs and in the end I used a random choice, because I couldn’t get to any of the numbers in the given choices.

So yeah, I had my F7 exam and Leo had his parenting exam 🙂 According to him, baby slept 1.5h in two sessions, cried 7 minutes and drank 70ml from the formula baby bottle. They had to move the car two times from where they parked, apparently they were occupying reserved spots..

So yeah, my baby is breastfed exclusively… except for the time when I am in exams, which is 4h/3 months. But, actually, in December she will have already started solids, so no harm here. It’s like she knew in what she was getting herself yesterday, because in the past two nights before the exam she woke up for feeding each 2.5h, just like when she was one month old. In the day before the exam I changed 10 diapers :D, but compensated yesterday with just 5.. And 2 last night.

About last night, I don’t know if it was the adrenaline from the exam or the tiramisu I had in IKEA in the way back home, but I couldn’t fall asleep.. We got home at 20:10, baby fed and capitulated around 21:00, after sleeping also for 1.5h in the last section of the road. So, at around 22 I gave up falling asleep and I went downstairs for some snack. I came back at 01 😀 At 03 baby woke up for food, I was having my nose stuck and my head was so dizzy as if I just went down from a roller-coaster. At 06 again. At 07:30 again. At 8:30 I made the bed,  opened the windows and took her downstairs.

Now, as baby sleeps, I have one load of our laundry to hang, some baby clothes to iron (while I finish my coffee and dream about what I’m going to order for lunch) and to catch up with my Netflix. After my tablet will charge, as I haven’t even touched it for the past two weeks. 😀 Don’t get me wrong, I’m at episode 215 from Muñeca Brava on the phone on Youtube, it’s my current treat when I’m breastfeeding baby, as I’m spending around 2.5h per day, in total, doing this. I hope she will catch some Spanish in the process.

And probably in the afternoon I will start browsing the F9 (Financial Management) study books, that I received by mail on Wednesday. Curious how many typing errors I will find in these ones… And I have to wait until the week of 14th of October for the result from F7.

Day 2958465

No, is not a random number. It’s something I just discovered in Excel. Will Mankind still exist on Earth until then? Will Time still exist until then?

Boring, right? I mean, I’m procrastinating instead of calculating the Diluted Earnings per Share. Excel is distracting me when is converting my numbers in dates…

Diluted… Why not Concentrated? Too many problems. I want to go back to sleeeep. Baby woke up at 5:30 and again I couldn’t fall back asleep.

Talking about fall.. There is a late October weather outside… 15 degrees and foggy. It even smells like carved pumpkins and cinnamon. Just jokin’. I need my sleep.

Existential crisis part II

Since Jupiter came back direct, few days ago, I’m finding myself more confused than ever. I’m “seeing” how my future would look like and I’m very unsure about some things. I don’t know anything about parenting, for example. Because parenting means properly raising your own child. And I have never raised my own child before, all I know is from what I didn’t like from how I was raised and from the stories about the experiences of other parents. And these circumstances will probably never happen again… so… going forward I can only patiently figure it out.

Regarding my study… I went one time through all the study material, some parts even more than one time and things I was sure I understood, two weeks ago, now I have to understand again, because I’m doing tests and I see I’m making mistakes. And 30% of the mistakes are “lack of focus” mistakes. And I don’t know what pains me more, the fact that I’m doing stupid mistakes or the fact that I’m finding stupid mistakes in the books. I gave up counting them when I got to twenty..

When I’m spending all my free time studying (and starting to hate it lately) I wonder why I even started it. Why I got into this maze… And is so hard. Is hard because I don’t know how to be a pass-grade student… And is hard when I’m coming back from the exam with a 55%, for example, knowing how much time I spent studying trying to understand everything. A 50% mark means something like “you barely understood”. I mean, the exam questions are very time-consuming and if you don’t have in your mind the map of what you have to do, instantly, when you read the question, if you have to think about what you have to do, you are lost. Also, even if I’m working in English for several years now, studying (and writing extensive comments over complex topics) in a language that is not my native one is hard. Is very energy consuming. And right now I’m failing to see the light at the end of this maze: is it really worth it?

I’m changing. With every day that passes, spending all my time with this little human, I’m changing. I’m seeing so many things from my life so differently right now. My expectations regarding my integrity and my morality have raised exponentially. And the guilt. Ooooohhh! The guilt! The constant stress: is she warm, is she cold, is she fed enough, is she comfortable enough, is that red-mark on her forehead a mosquito bite, a scratch or something else? She is expert at scratching her face. And I’m having so much stress cutting her nails, they grow so fast! You have to cut them two times a week… And I cannot cut more than two in one session.. Now she has a red dot on a finger also… If that is a mosquito bite I don’t know how she handles it. I had a bite last week on my arm and my body reacted as if it was a wasp bite. I put Fenistil and it got even worse. The other 5 bites that I accumulated in the same period on my legs didn’t get that bad. And yes, I know we have to put a net at the windows, because it was very hot and we slept with the bathroom window and the door open. And I killed more than 10 mosquitoes already, but sometimes they are too sneaky, I’m seeing them after they bit me.

Yeah.. And then we have to put fences at the stairs, for when she will start crawling. And some polyurethane on the marble floors downstairs. And protections at the cabinets corners… And the bathroom upstairs is still not finished. And her room is still not finished. So heah, God help us! I had to bring mom over to wash the windows and the drapes and clean all the dust and spider webs from all the corners. She even ironed the curtains before putting them back! She even made us berries jam. In the two weeks that she spent here she didn’t stay a bit!

I’m looking now at some spider web on the ceiling, here in the room, and it makes me even more depressed. It would take me literally 10 seconds to clean it. But today is Saint Mary, in my religion, you should not do any laundry or cleaning or working with tools. But I did a load of baby’s laundry anyway, otherwise all that regurgitated milk and pee accidents would start to stink. And, please forgive me, Saint Mary, but I’m going to clean that spider web right now! I will leave the carpets full of Bonnie’s hair for Leo to vacuum them tomorrow, first thing when he comes home..

So yeah.. I don’t know if this is post-partum depression, as I was having this feeling again before.. but something it is. I feel numb. Like a robot. But a stuck robot… With tears almost there to leak down on my cheeks.

And I will probably delete this blog post tomorrow. When more guilt will find me, regarding spelling mistakes that I made in it. I wonder how I became a perfectionist from a child that was always told that she is not good for anything… I’m sure I’m not good at everything, probably at things that I should be, but I’m definitely not “not good for anything”. So I beg you parents, I beg you in my knees, please don’t ever say this to your children! Yes, I am aware that such parents will not even see to read this.

Brb, I have a spider web to clean. Please forgive me, dear Virgin Mary. I’m going crazy if I don’t clean that now.

Oh.. And the hair!! As much I was bragging that it will not happen to me also, because I took expensive prenatal vitamins all pregnancy and after, I’m loosing my hair! I find them everywhere, including in her mouth and it her diaper. And they are getting under my glasses and make my eyes and my face itch. It makes me want to shave my head!

PS. For more perspective… Today I have Full Moon transit IC, also opposite Mars and Venus.

The beginning of the rest of my life..

I’ve been fussy all day, trying to find an answer to the question “What to do with the rest of my life”, visualizing how I will write a blog post about it, but then giving up, thinking that nobody would want to read about it.. I mean, nobody would want to read the grand majority of my blog posts, unless they know me or have some special interest or care regarding my life path 😀

Until I saw on Diana’s FB page, the Fine one, that she wrote an entry about this question :)) Ha! Coincidence much? Anyway, now I have the guts to write also.

The thing is.. I always wanted to raise and educate a child, so I can apply what was never applied with me. But my memories (and my traumas, for that matter) of my faulty education, started around school time. My baby is not even 2 months old. There isn’t much you can do to entertain a 2 months old, except being there when she needs boob, diaper change or to see your face. She is so much observing lately, with her big blue eyes, she’s trying to laugh when I make faces to her, when I squeeze plastic bags or I rip papers. And when I clap her hands.

I always wondered how my parents survived for the past 20+ years with the same employer, more or less also the same position. My mom tried to further educate herself by taking Microsoft Office classes, Psychology/Pedagogy module and basic English, so she will become a proper teacher… But I don’t know what went wrong in the process, as she is still (just) Lab Assistant… responsible for the science Labs. Even if she does have University studies, Engineering even. I remember when I was in University I told her that she was stupid for not aspiring for more in her career… She got very upset and told me that I am ungrateful for the time she dedicated to us.

My dad had to follow a Management Master’s Degree so he can obtain the higher Management position in his Office, which he did have for few years. Otherwise he worked as Forest Engineer. Now he is recently retired. I wonder what he does all day 😀 I will ask him next month, June was always his yearly vacation month so he might’ve not realized yet that he doesn’t have a job anymore. On the other hand, my dad was never present to any of our school events, he had no idea what our teachers names are and never been to any doctor checks with us. That’s why I want to involve my baby’s dad into everything, so far baby’s bath time is the most expected time to spend all 3 together.

But what about me? I mean, luckily I can afford to spend 2 years in Leave for raising baby.. I hope once she will be bigger I can take her out for longer walks in the park. Now, if she’s literally dependent on boob.. it’s frustrating to take it out every half hour, in the rare occasions when we eat out for dinner, I always have her on my lap, otherwise she cries. And I cannot stand to hear her cry when I know I own the magical potion that would make her stop. 😀

Ok, long story short. After I left my home-town, I lived for 10 years in Bucharest. Ok, with a break of 5 months while I was studying and doing work Internship in Spain. This year I’m counting 7 since I left my home-country. Still flying there for vacation few times a year.. Last time was in July last year.. Hoping to get there again in September this year, packed also with the baby 🙂

I had.. Travel Agency, BPO Company, Call-Center… So 3 employers, before the current one. Currently the 3rd project/team with this employer. Ok, what I’m trying to express here: for our generation, is kinda impossible to hold the same job (more or less, let’s say the same field) with the same employer for 20+ years. And even so, if you are working in Outsourcing or Consulting, you change so many projects, while still keeping the same job. I wonder how will this job market look like 10-20 years from now.

As for the skills that my baby will need for when she will start working, I can only speculate.. I “see” the home-working freelancing industry is growing exponentially, so I’m hoping the work-centers will slowly dissolve, the traffic jams in the cities will slowly disappear… I “see” much more people on bikes or using transportation means on alternative fuel.. I “see” robots and AI everywhere. I mean, try to think backwards, how much the way we access information has changed in the past 20-30 years…

Be right back… I have a diaper to change and a boob to employ. For the time being. I’ll (try to) correct the spelling mistakes when I am back.

Update: My dad just video-called me :)) He said by mistake, he was testing his new phone. :)) Sure. Mistake. I prefer to call it synchronicity.