Category Archives: Writings in English

31 weeks

So, we solved “The Paper”!!! Yeey! It costed us 1600 crowns for 1 sworn translation of my birth certificate, one hour of interpretation services and the parking at Ostrava Matrika.

Miminko is ok, kicking all over the place, I even felt kicks behind my right boob… I wonder how she got there. I’m having some lower back pains lately, I hope they are not contractions and I’m not aware.. Yeah, and I’m feeling kicks also in my… back area.

Tomorrow is my last day before 2 days vacation, before 28 weeks of Maternity Leave. I’m excited about the change. I mean, like everybody tells me “it was about time”.. I’m 35 already.

Yesterday evening I was checking flights to Bali. 2 weeks when baby girl will be 6-7 months old. Too optimist? 😀

Regarding shopping for baby girl, we still need stroller, small bath tub, diapers bag and countless diapers. I have them in basket on amazon.de and in DM online. Waiting few more weeks before ordering them, though.

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30 weeks!!

Yeah… I’m starting to feel the 3rd trimester: it has become quite a challenging task to shave my legs and to attend to my toe nails 😀

So, the glucose test was negative, which means I can eat as much chocolate cookies as I desire; the baby girl is still head down and still kicking me in my right ribs.. She is almost 1500 grams now. Yeey! At least 1500 more to come 😀

Did I dream about this day? Not really. I mean, I was hoping, but, since I was first admitted into hospital at barely 24 weeks, with diagnostic of imminent labor, and I was told that the baby will be put on my name, because I’m missing a paper in my file, I kinda had a shock.. I mean, from that moment on, I was taking each day as it passed… no dreams, no expectations.. Barely now I’m starting to feel naturally excited about the fact that I’m going to have a baby.

And “the paper”, I mean, I was planning to inquire about it and solve it once I started my maternity leave, travel to Prague in peace etc. Yeah. Dreams done before the 24th week. But will see, what God wants. I do what I can, considering. The most important is for the baby to be born healthy.

Lesson learned: when you relocate to a foreign country, even if still in the EU, add another thing on top of the required to-do list: get a sworn translation, in the local language, of your birth certificate. You never know in which circumstances you will need it. Especially when none of these 2 languages are common. Especially when you relocate again, to a smaller city, 5h away from the capital…

And, can you believe it? I have 6 more working days left until a 2 years “vacation” 😀 This year I even forgot to celebrate my 8 years work anniversary, at the current employer, on Feb 14th. But I can celebrate it now, because we had 1&1/2 h unplanned electricity outage today, so I need to “clean” the congelator of some pizza and some ice-cream. 😀

And a cute butterfly sweater, that I just finished, I’m thinking is suitable for up to 1 year old: 20190219_172029~2

29 weeks and still counting

So.. mom flew back to Romania, to her other 2 children: dad and brother.

I haven’t felt at my optimum capacity today.. I started having some weird cramps after lunch, I took the rest of the day off, because I couldn’t support the laptop anymore, over my lap. To not say, over my belly. And when the cramps stopped, a headache started and now I’m sneezing… hoping the shower tonight will fix this.

I still don’t have the result from my glucose tolerance test.. My obgyn, on Friday, said it didn’t arrive to her, so God knows where that result is, they said they will call for it and she will tell me at my next appointment. I honestly find this stupid, they should’ve sent it to my email from the 2nd day, when it was ready..

Baby girl looked fine, she was with head down then. Now I think she switched, as I feel kicks under my right ribbs, instead of over my belly button. I was expecting her to be a bit bigger than she measured on Friday, but maybe there is a margin of error also.. will see next time, maybe she will catch up.

In the meanwhile I started eating a bit more, even if I don’t really feel hungry, I added a snack before bed – a cup of milk or yogurt with a croissant.. I mean, since Dec 28th I only put on 200 grams, I think both the Magnesium and the Progesterone have accelerated my metabolism. And the bed rest has melted my muscles..

So.. Here’s something cute that I just finished: 20190212_184329-1

I hope it is suitable for 6-9 months, I measured with the other clothes I have. 😀

Btw, all the clothes “up to 3 months” are now washed and ironed and packed by mom. Thank you, mom.

28 weeks and counting :D

Writing this entry with dedication for my biggest fan, the only person offering positive comments to my blog lately 🙂

So.. Yesterday we had the glucose tolerance test. We survived it. It tasted like Fanta syrup, without sparks.

I mean, I was very close to fainting, right after they took out blood, “the after 60 min draw”.

They lifted my legs up, lowered my head, opened the window. They even asked me if I want to stop the test, because “we don’t have resuscitation tools” here. As pale as I was, I laughed when they said that. Don’t worry, is not my first time fainting and it will probably not be the last time either, I know there is life after fainting. But I was worried about this little octopus in my belly.

Anyway, I asked for a toilet break, they took me there by wheel chair, they were afraid I will fall down. I was afraid also, to be honest. And they gave me to have a sip of water. And then I was counting the minutes until the 2nd blood draw, “the after 120 min”. But I started feeling better. And when it was over, I took mom from the waiting room and we went down-stairs to eat. And then I called taxi and we went home.

I don’t have the result yet, but I’m thinking, if there was something out of the charts someone would have called me, right?

And today we sorted out all the white clothes for the baby and we put them to wash. And tomorrow we will iron them and pack them nicely in the bed. Yeah, my Next 2 Me baby bed came from Amazon yesterday! And the other stuff I ordered, from which, a pack of 10 colored yarn balls for crocheting. 😀

So, yeah, mom is here. Aside from cooking and tending to my small needs, to not have to go down too many times, she is also nice company. I mean it’s good to have someone to talk in my language whenever I want to.

Last night I dreamed I was flying! Such a lovely dream! In the past 3 weeks I had only bad dreams and I was barely sleeping 2-3h connected. I’m always waking up worried, hoping that my water is still intact.

Next check in hospital I will have on Friday, so yeah, still counting!

27 weeks and counting

We were at the check today. And my little miminko has a bit over 1 kg already. 🙂

Everything looks fine so far, we are back at home from Wednesday afternoon last week and I retook my full-time work activities. Intensive handover trainings for the colleagues that will take over my responsibilities.

The days are passing much faster at home and I can rest much better at night. In the first 3 nights home I slept 12h each night 😀

Now I won’t have to leave the house until Monday next week, when I will finally have the glucose test… Yeah… Long story.

So… Keep in there miminko. At least 3 more weeks, until I finish delivering all the trainings 😀

Sometimes she is kicking so much with both legs and arms that I feel I have an octopus growing in my belly. But no. She only has 2 arms and 2 legs. Quite long legs actually, measuring at 28 weeks by her femur length, so she will be a tall human… and slimmish like her daddy. So we might have to consider signing her for volleyball or basketball better than for gymnastics.

And something interesting.. or not.. with all this bed rest and after 2 weeks of hospital food, I now have the exact same amount of kg as on December 28th, when they started giving me this Magnesium and Progesterone. Considering the baby doubled in this time, I can say I even lost 0.5 kg… I wonder how much muscle I lost. 😦

26 weeks and counting

No more Capricorn baby 😀 Yeey. I mean, I have nothing against this sign, just that she would have been completely incompatible with a Saggy mom and Leo dad and a Aries dog. 😀

So we are still in hospital, continuous stay from the 11th of January, original admission on 7th of January. No new developments, everything seems stable. We will have a check tomorrow and they will decide if they release us or not.

Next week’s Sunday my mom will come for one week, to help us with the final preparations for the baby, wash and iron all her clothes, order and install the baby bed – I’m decided for the Chicco Next 2 Me. And most important, finish cleaning and prepare her room. Even if we might be co-sleeping, I consider important to have another completely functional room, aside from our master bedroom.

So yeah… Now, hoping she will pass Aquarius also 😀 Nothing against the sign, just that she is still way too small. Pisces girl would be nice, she would complement us well, inspire us with her spiritual creativity, but my best target is Aries. A whole family of fire signs.

10 years challenge

In January 2009.

I was returning from my first attempt at emigration… in UK, that didn’t work out. I wrote about it before, there were more reasons why it didn’t work out, but the main one is that it was not my destiny… And I also had some things left behind, unsolved.

And then I found that job in the call center. It was very stressful, very little paid… but I had no other choice. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I was speaking in Spanish. And the name of the street… but that’s a different story.

I went a bit crazy in those years – 2007 to 2010. But I had to. I needed to explore all the corners of my craziness, in order to understand that there is nothing left in my subconscious, to be afraid of. In order to cure my anxiety.

For the second time, in August 2012, I knew what I needed to focus more on, to make it right. It was not easy, but this time I had around more people who helped me and believed it me. And maybe also my attitude helped: I knew 100% that I don’t have to what/whom to come back, so no matter how hard it was, I only looked forward. In the first 3 months I cried almost every day. But I never gave up.

Now back to 2009, it was such a dramatic year! I don’t know how I managed to survive all that emotional drama. So much synchronicity! So many times when I felt completely lost, while still in my own country. My heart was in so many places and neither one wanted me.

I remember, when I was finishing my work in the call center, I was getting out at the Piata Muncii metro station, I was sitting on those red benches and then I couldn’t move. I couldn’t find the willpower to go home.. At least, to where I was living then, in a rented room. I was wishing to be absorbed by them.. to just disappear. Looking back now, I can easily identify that emotion: despair.

Nobody wants to be around desperate people. But they are the ones that need help the most. I was clinging to everyone that was giving me a bit of attention.

Deep down I knew that everything is temporary, but I was feeling that everything is too much and too hard.  Oh.. But I survived in that deadly job until May 2010. You know, in call center the length is counted in months. I survived until something positive, completely unexpected happened, in March, when I realized that I don’t need to suffer anymore for my childhood. Such a turning point. When I rediscovered hope.

It took me until February 2011 to find a new job, that suited better on my level of education and on my competencies. And technically, I still hold that job, even if a different position, in a different country.. now paid 3 times more than when I started in that February.

Even if in this exact moment I’m writing from a hospital bed, I am at peace. I know what I will do from now on, no matter what will happen. And fear (anxiety) doesn’t have room anymore.

Yeah, so in December 2012 (technically), I met my Leo. My Zubaček. The daddy of my baby Zubat. It was not love at first sight. Which meant, it was not drama at first sight either. But it was respect and a feeling of peace, significantly better ingredients for a long-term relationship. We both knew ourselves enough to know what we wanted. We did share our part of drama, quite a lot of it, but it was coming from the outside of the relationship. We only had to hold on tight to each other and let all storms pass.

Just like this one. We hold on tightly, the 3 of us and let all bad Zubats fly away. Ok, 4 of us, don’t forget Bonnie.

Ok 5 of us, add also antenna. His life was simply not complete until he met (built) his radio antenna. 😀

So, hold on baby girl Zubat. I don’t know how the future looks in 2029, but I know that I will always do my best to be good mama Zubat for you. Kick once if you agree. Ok, you are sleeping, good, you need sleep to grow strong and healthy, you can kick later 😀

25 weeks and counting

So, I’m in hospital again since Friday afternoon. Today is Tuesday. Why I am back here? Well.. on Friday when we went to our regular check the obgyn literally freaked out when she did the measurement of my cervix. I almost had a panic attack on that consultation chair when she mentioned hospital again. She said she cannot approve my dismissal, not in the condition that I was. So we should go back.

We went home, we packed again and off we went to Poruba. Hopefully the car was fixed – new battery. Here, when they measured the cervix, it was holding only on 3 mm. The rest of 2.5 cm was funneled. The doctor who did the check said that women in my condition still kept the pregnancy for up to 2 more months, so we might not deliver in the next 1-2 weeks, how long am I planning to stay in the hospital?

I found this very rude and I was just about to say some bad words.. Of course that’s the goal! Until 32-34 weeks the baby is not free from risk of long-term complications. I understand they brag with very good therapy services for babies born under 1 kg, but I refuse to have mine just another number in their statistics. The main goal is to keep the baby inside as long as possible.

So I said NO! I’m not going to keep being pushed around from one doctor to another (obgyn, hospitals, family doctor), kept on the roads in the middle of the winter, while still on antibiotics. So they finally agreed to keep me. Lower standard than the first time, I’m the 4th in a room designed for 3 women, but manageable.. still definitely better than when I stayed that long time after the accident. I have acquired very good patient skills. Besides, now I have no pains and I can also move around. And they have wi-fi. So yeah.. I mean, as long as I am in Illness leave at least they feed me. Not the ideal food, but still better and more diverse than I can cook myself alone at home. And there is also a supermarket and two coffee places, if I crave something else.

I’m afraid to go home. If it were just after me I would stay here until meeting 28 weeks. I think the time to play the Brave card has passed. Now it’s the most critical time. With each day inside the chances of having a strong and healthy baby increase significantly. It’s not just me that I need to be responsible for… So I have to sacrifice some other things. Like 40% of my daily salary.

The only thing that stresses me now is the work.. Because I didn’t have the time to train somebody else for my activities, so I’m still doing some of them myself. But overall they make the time pass faster and still keep me connected with a sane reality. I only do what I am in the mood to do in that moment, nobody can push me to do what I don’t want to do. So yeah… Some pros, some cons.

I sent a picture with my belly to one of my best friends and she commented that I look tired. I don’t look tired, I look unsatisfied – by life in general – and I look like I cannot allow myself to smile. I’m afraid that once I start smiling something / somebody will do something that is going to take it away. So I keep my smile on the inside.

I dreamed so many crazy things last night. I dreamed that 4 guys I know were claiming that they are the father of my baby. Including my brother. Ok, that was a sick dream. But yeah.. That’s another thing that needs to be solved and is stressing me, but I can’t solve it right now… Ok, it might have been also because I watched the latest episode of Outlander right before bed.. I’m very easily impressed. For the first time I’m starting to feel bad that I have not done the things in the right order.

So, dear baby girl Zubat.. Hang in there. The world outside is tough and complicated, still full of bureaucracy, so you need to be big and strong enough when you get out, to be able to fight it. 🙂

Dear baby Zubat

At first, they said that your estimated birthday is April 30th… Now they say that each day you are still inside is a miracle. Honestly, I don’t know what to believe anymore.

I don’t feel often. I live mostly in my brain, making plans and analysing. At this age I very rarely take decisions based on emotions.

But when I do feel, they are taking me like a tornado and not even leaving me air to breathe. That’s how I started feeling from yesterday evening. When I left Leo turn back home alone. The look on his face, he was just holding himself not to cry.

I wish you will get the chance to grow up, big enough to read and to understand. It’s depressing to live in a hospital. I barely slept all night, 1. because two of the 3 other ladies in my room are snoring, 2. because the same ladies had to pump milk every 3-4h and they turned on the light completely for that… 3. because of babies crying on the hallway or in the other rooms.

I hate people snoring. I hate them with every fibre of my being. And this is what is not letting me sleep. I don’t understand why God put on Earth people who snore.

Anyway… Now she opened the TV, that is right above my head. Last night she turned it off at barely 10 PM. And now she is also talking on the phone. Ok, I now officially despise this woman, for doing her best to occupy all the space around her, day and night. I don’t understand how some people can be so unconscious. So primitive… I’m way too nice… when I’m alone. With Leo (your daddy) by my side, I have much more guts to say all that I mean.

And the new-born babies screaming… I found them truly adorable. I could feel only love towards them. And you, my dear baby, you were stretching and spinning all night. 🙂 I wonder if you can hear them also. I’m sorry that I didn’t have a headset also for you.

At one point I put myself a relaxing music on Youtube.. I somehow fell asleep, the phone was being upside down under a corner of my pillow. I woke up about 3h later and the phone was turned off and so hot that it freaked me out. It probably turned off due too overheating. Oops.

My dear baby.. I’m very curious when you are destined to come. I thought you are going to be a Taurus. I was even hoping to keep you inside until 5th of May until your Sun hits my 7th House.

Now I see you might be even a Capricorn. But please, do your best to stay a bit longer, to be at least Aquarius 🙂 and at least until February 12th, to fall in my 4th House.

Nonetheless, I will love you just as much, no matter in which sign your Sun will be or how big or tiny you will be born.

I love you already. I know you are your own being, I’m just a temporary transportation mode for you to incarnate on this planet. Maybe you will tell me one day also why you wanted to come on this planet, what is your mission. I’m very curious of getting to know you, my dear baby, but, please, stay in there longer.

Meanwhile, in medical leave

Yeah.. So in the end I still spent two nights in the Ostrava maternity hospital…

So I started to feel that everything is going to be ok, after 3 nights of proper cough-less sleep… unfortunately on Saturday I started coughing again.. On Sunday I was coughing my soul out. In the night from Sunday to Monday I couldn’t sleep at all and I had also fever 38.4 C and I couldn’t breath on my nose.. and I’m not designed to sleep with my mouth open.

So when I “woke” up in the morning knowing that I have to go for another check at the local hospital, I was 100% convinced that they will keep me, so I went with my bags prepared.

Outside it was -10 C. The car battery was dead.. So we had to wait for taxi… and also walk a bit, until the main street.

My cervix was holding now only on 7 mm. So they immediately requested ambulance and off I went to Ostrava maternity with diagnostic of imminent labor. And Leo couldn’t join me. I thought they were exaggerating, but I was feeling so sick and I knew that at least they will do their best to treat my cold properly.

When I got there I had to undress and wait on a cold consultation table… over all I spent about 1h and a bit, until they wrote all the papers and did all the checks, but my head was hurting like crazy and my fingers were literally eggplant color. And they were saying I don’t have fever… measured with an infrared touchless thermometer. Whatever..

The main doctor that did my check and the check of the baby was very nice and he was speaking English. He assured me that, even if I am just 24 weeks they are very competent and they will do their best. He was happy that the baby was looking fine and within all ranges and that she was with the head down… my 660 g baby.

I was expecting the first thing they will do, will be to give me corticosteroids shots and this is exactly what they did. I had 4 shots of dexamethasone each 12h.

They also did extensive blood and urine tests and they concluded “bacterial infection”. I don’t know which bacteria, it was not written on the papers, but I was given Amoxiclav intravenous every 8h plus some other medicines for coughing. And what most surprised me: I was having anemia – low red blood cells… So I was given also iron supplement, which freaked me out the next morning when I went to toilet. It took me few seconds to process why that color.

On Wednesday morning they called me again for cervix measurement, still 7 mm. So they concluded that I’m not anymore in imminent labor. The nurse took out my branula, after 10 more minutes she came also with the release papers and with the pills supply and instructions until the end of the week. And she said to dress up and pack, that in 30 min the ambulance will come and take me back home.

It was 9:45 at that time. I was waiting.. and waiting..

At 11:15 the lunch was being served and they gave me a portion also, even if I was officially released. The guy with the lunch cart was very nice. Main dish was baked salmon with mash-potatoes.. who would refuse it?

At around 14:30 the nurse came and told me I have to release the room… and that I should wait on the bench on the corridor for the ambulance… that nobody knew when it will come.

I felt abandoned. On the same bench, on Monday morning I gave a long releasing cry, when they passed by with a newborn baby girl. I hadn’t cried since that therapy session, in October… It felt good. Now they passed with another baby girl.

Yeah, so yesterday on the bench I was feeling abandoned. There was nobody to pick me up and bring me home. I was even considering to call taxi, but I understood that from one city to another they would charge me also the way back.. and with the traffic at that hour it could have got to 2000 crowns.

It was not a fortune, but considering the Czech medical leave is paid 0(zero) for the first 3 days I already had a hole in my budget… I mean, in the end is not about the money, is about the (mental) health and emotional comfort.

Luckily they came for me at 15 sharp. I was home at 16:10, just 2 min ahead of Leo. At least I didn’t have to arrive home to a freezing house and having to stress myself to head up, so it was a good timing in the end.

Btw, when I told the doctor that they took blood and urine for check in Frydek-Mistek hospital, on Dec 28th, they laughed. He said they don’t trust their results. Long story short, at the Ostrava tests I was having a bacterial infection, very recently acquired. My wild guess – on the sinuses. My nose and eyes were pouring for the whole Monday, Monday night and Tuesday. Barely towards Tuesday night it got stable, when I had already finished two rolls of toilet paper.

I’m currently still coughing, although much less, but now I’m fighting also with gastrointestinal reflux and bloating. 😦 Not that much fun to take antibiotics. I hope they manage to kill all the bad bacteria, but still leave me enough of the good ones.

So.. 24 weeks 2 days and still counting. Hang in there, baby girl. I’m sorry you had to be pumped with steroids already.

It’s very scary what is happening, I’m trying to stay calm, but last night I simply couldn’t fall asleep anymore after I had to wake up for my antibiotic at midnight. So many stressful things were passing through my mind. How can I do everything that I still have to do until the baby comes if I am bound to bed rest on indefinite period? I’m afraid even to go to Tesco. I’m afraid if I stand up for more than 10 min I will start to have contractions.

Is very scary, I am home alone all day, I cannot just stay in bed. The baby is pushing also, in all directions, I have quite weird sensations when she is pushing directly on my cervix.

Leo is home. Yeeyy! So.. a very small dinner (remember reflux), shower and back to bed.

Tomorrow I have another doctor check. Honestly, I think I saw the insides of my uterus 20 times already, in this pregnancy. I will tell her to not call me again sooner than two weeks.. enough is enough. The baby will come when the baby will come, no need to wait for her at the gate 24×7 with all the lights open. 🙂