The Healing Moon :)

Previously in “The Healing Moon” (everything what I was capable of inventing all these years, since I wrote the first chapter in 2010):

  • Meredith is the actual partner of Jason, with whom she had a baby boy named Michael
  • Meredith was the pediatrician of Jason’s girl, Josie, the one he had with Moon
  • and he had to raise alone for a while
  • until Moon got resurrected again, because the angels saw that Josie was suffering too much without her mom and started to lose the contact with reality
  • Moon was pregnant when she died, but when she came back to life the baby was still there, it was a baby girl they named Lia
  • Moon is raising both daughters alone now, with the help of the angels
  • Klara is a former colleague of Jason, from the time he is was living in Germany
  • now Klara lives and works in Mexico
  • Tara is one of Moon’s close friends, with whom she was sharing her stuff, in the period when Jason went missing

Ok, so the thing is, apparently Jason had some fortunate time to do some meditation and try to solve a part of his life’s struggles and he started to remember the good times he spent in the company of Klara. He became curious to see what happened in her life since they haven’t seen each other and, when he found her blog, in German, he was shocked to realize that Klara never managed to get over him.

And this is how he slowly started to open up and talk with Moon about her. And then he wrote her a comment on her blog that “obsessions are not good”.

Ok, ok, I didn’t figure out the plot of it entirely, but what will happen is that Klara starts chating with Jason and at one point Jason writes her:

“I didn’t want to keep contact with you during all these years because I wanted you to grow in your life without the fear that you are ever owing something to me. I helped you when I knew how, but I couldn’t intervene more, there were some things that you had to live through just yourself, alone, although it wasn’t easy for me not to contact you.”

Klara remains speechless when she reads… she starts typing but she doesn’t know what to write, nothing seems appropriate enough with what she actually feels. Then she sees another message from Jason:

“I was afraid that, if I would ever contact you and tell you that I do miss you, you would take the first flight back and give up everything you’ve built so far.”

And then Klara finally replies:

“Yes, you are right, I did think about it this way at the beginning, I was honestly hoping for you to give a sign that you want me. But since you didn’t, for so long, especially after I found out that you got married, I tried to do something with my life also. Now I would definitely not fall for something like this, I did move on, even if I sometimes like to fantasize over the opposite of this, just for fun.”

And Jason replies: “I love you”.

Klara disconnects.


Sr Mateo? Abrinos por favor!

So I went for it. Actually the moment I decided to go for it and I did something practical in that direction was on August 16th. And, seeing what happened in between, just confirmed me the feeling that I did go for the right thing. And don’t worry, I’m diving into it under careful observation from an authorized 3rd party, just until I’m 100% sure of what I’m doing.

I dared to fight for my beliefs, to accept that this dream is a part of me. So now I feel more connected with myself and also with the rest of the world and I can feel how my energy flow has been unlocked. Because, just like everybody else on this planet, I have the right to believe in something and most of all I have the right to believe in the fact that I’m perfect just the way I am. I have the right to believe about myself whatever makes me feel good. Because, at first, change comes from within.

North Node transit to 9th House

Now that the 10th house is left satisfied, after an intense effort for the past twenty something months, I’m slowly moving my focus for evolving also into the 9th House. Here I will have North Node transit for the next almost 2 years. Which is cool, considering that my natal South Node is in Sagittarius. It may mean something like a spiritual-rediscovery or the re-assurance that I am on the correct path of evolution by holding on my current spiritual beliefs.

Jupiter also entered in transit in my 12th house – which already started having a visible and productive manifestation, for which I’m grateful. I see good things coming in this direction, especially during the month of October, when the Sun will be transiting also the 12th House.

And my progressed Sun is just about to enter Aquarius – which means the focus of my sagittarian ego is moving from capricornian endeavors to more aquarian ones. Which means a bit more uranian energy will be incorporated into the mix of the current jupiterian – saturnian flow. What would this mean? Maybe that I would start to become more spontaneous, enthusiastic, adventurous, humanitarian and less anxious, depressed, pragmatic and materialistic. Maybe.

Yeah, so I acquired a new passion: to learn Hebrew. It fascinates me that this language doesn’t have numbers, only letters, and, from what I discovered so far, their words have a weird system for adding vowels. But I’m not curious into this as a way of finding a new practice, I’m very much reluctant to any ritualistic practice for that matter (because I strongly believe in the freedom of the soul – as a small piece of God – to manifest itself at all times in our daily life, no matter what we are doing), but more towards developing my general knowledge and fine-tuning my common-sense.

I’m trying to get to the bottom of it all, from where it started and with which purpose. I’m only hoping to understand in more depth what is right and what is wrong and what is good and bad, for me, at a personal level and also for the society based on peace, kindness and tolerance, towards which (at least I’m hoping) we are all aspiring. And yes, I am aware that there are various academies where people are studying these things for whole life-times and whole centuries and they still haven’t reached a consensus.

Me pidió que viniese a verte y que hablase con voz

… Cambio dolor, por libertad… ta-na-na.. Que me ayude a continuar..

I started watching Muñeca Brava again.. even if I have probably seen some scenes more than ten times. I love them, they are so funny. And so weirdly skinny… when I was 16-17, when I saw this telenovela for the first time, I was like that also, so I was not noticing it, but now I see it like such a big difference, that if I would have to say which male figure I like now I would pick Ramoncito, the rest are such children.. I’m now at the episode 192. They started showing more and more of Rafaga singing at the disco and I have just remembered Gilda.

Anyway… I’m in the process of arranging my trip to Israel and I might have to learn few more words than Shalom and Mazel Tov. I knew also Aleph, some time ago, I even remember that I had learned how to count until 10 in Hebrew. Or was that Arabic? Wait. I know more words in Hebrew, I know also Kama and Ahava :). I wonder if I really had a previous life there, so I’m going to search for more clues, as long as I’m still 33 – the perfect age to visit that place. It’s this song, brings such intense feelings, it makes me cry and smile in the same time, it’s unbelievable. I have just booked my hostel and the flights, I can hardly wait.

The title is what Padre Manuel told Mili in one episode and my ears reacted at this alternative form of the imperfect subjunctive, which I needed to write down for posterity. I noticed that when I write in Spanish I alternate between the two forms, so maybe I’ll need to stay on just one of them.

I wonder what the Bible says in Hebrew, how different is from the version that I was studying in school during the classes of religion. Maybe I should start reading it. But it’s so weird, even passing over the fact that they read from right to left, it’s still weird. They do read from right to left, right? or left?!

A, I know also Bat Mitzvah – I learned that while watching Everwood.

Ha, I even have a category of posts in this blog with the name in Hebrew.

Patience, replies and thanks

4 more days and we end FY17. And the summer. Cool. Ok, not that much cool, but what can I do?! Turn back time? Not this time, I’ll save the power for more altruistic pursuits.

I have 2 more episodes and I finish the Community. I’m procrastinating, I could’ve finished them easily from 2 weeks ago, but I got captivated by other things.

I started reading “Peaceful parent, happy kids”. And also some other articles and interesting posts about parenting, just for documenting myself for the (not too close) future, when I will get to have someone to parent. Some week ago, when I was reading something, I found myself thinking: dude, this is some critically needed information for a peaceful living on this planet, how did I succeed to survive until now without knowing this? I must be more (emotionally) intelligent than I’m actually aware of. The most challenging part is analyzing all the things you lived as a child and young adult, in order to put them in one of the two categories: did I turn out like this “thanks to that” or “in-spite of it”?

On Thursday afternoon I cried for about 20 minutes. I don’t cry often, because I cannot cry that easily (anymore), but, when I start, I cry for everything. And I noticed the more I cry the worse I feel, because I’m suddenly becoming aware that in my worst times the only person I could ever count on to calm me down and comfort me it’s always just me. That’s my synchronicity in this life, I got to accept it. So I’m trying to keep me as sane as possible, to still be there for myself whenever I need comfort. Have you ever tried to hold your own hand? It feels so good, the most comforting is holding the left one with the right one. 😀

Anyway, I actually wanted to say that, this particular time, even after crying, I still didn’t feel better or more hopeful after it. As if, even after being strong for too long, I still couldn’t release everything that was making me feel bad. And you know why? Because the rest is part of me, so I cannot just release it, I need to peacefully extract it, clean it, nurture it and put it back. Which made me realize that all that thing with “crying is beneficial, because it’s releasing bad energy” it’s a complete bullshit. Now I strongly believe that no sane person ever felt/will feel better exclusively thanks to crying.

The story behind the title?! I can say this: deeply needed peaceful closure(s). Ok, at least until I’ll find those exact same tiles of colored cubic rock from the street with the Old-New Synagogue. And after getting inside and finding out what it’s written on the walls. And visiting Israel. This is the main fantasy story-line nonetheless, the other two are just potential spin-offs.

5 years in CZ… and a wish

Yeah, exactly 5 years ago I landed on the Václav Havel Airport with a big suitcase and a backpack. I had bought a return after 3 months, in case I would not like it or they won’t keep me after the trial period. I still have the backpack, it’s amazing, I washed it countless times in the washing machine and it still looks perfect. I wonder if I still have that suitcase, must be somewhere in Leo’s storage room.

I remember Oana and Octavian were expecting me at the airport and then they took me to my accommodation. A place that I found on the internet and then Oana and Ale inspected on site and arranged with the girl there, 1 week or so, before my arrival. It was on Ruska street. They had a tom-cat that was always sleeping in my side of the dresser, over my clothes.

When I arrived I left my suitcase and I went with O&O to the pub next to the building and we ate something. I remember I had pasta with broccoli and chicken and garlic and I couldn’t even eat it all, I brought home half of it. And I had a pivo. And Oana was teaching me how to read the stuff from the menu: polevka, omachka, prilohy… My first words in Czech in the first month were the foods.

And then at the end of October the trial evaluation came. She told me they were not satisfied with my performance, but that he recognized my potential and voted for me to give me another chance, another 3 months trial. I had a one week vacation in Ro after that and it felt so weird. Aa.. and I was also a bit crazy, I combined that week with 3 days in London, in November, because I got pissed of by the fact that a plane ticket to Prague from Bucharest, by CSA or Tarom, was more expensive than to fly to London and then from London to Prague, by Wizz Air.

Looking back at that time, I was feeling like a double outsider – desintegrated from RO but not integrated in CZ either. I mean, the work requirements were not that difficult, objectively speaking, is just that I was getting distracted so easily by the other people around. In the first month I had a crush on the Taurus guy, then on the Libra guy, then on the Scorpio guy..  each time I was forgetting what I had learned until that point…

The problem in the first 3 months was that I needed a lot of space to figure out what’s happening and I was so drained by everything, so I had no more power to do anything to change that. I was sharing a room with a Russian student whose favorite house clothes were an unbuttoned shirt and a bikini. I’m very serious. She was making me feel pretty uncomfortable. And I was paying 5000+internet, because apparently it was near-centre location.

Anyway, somehow, at the beginning of December things started to shift according to my needs. At one point it looks like a perfect storm happened. Oana told me that there is a free room in a flat in Stodulky. Oana, you were my life-savior, I will be forever grateful. It was literally 7 min away from Nove Butovice.

I stayed there 1 year, 5200 per month (all utilities included). And then, in the tram home, after the Christmas Party of 2012, Leo kissed me. Then I moved to the new place, in my own room and I took the opportunity of the winter vacation to review all my training notes and when I came back to work I started meeting all the expectations, one by one, like magic.

In February 2013 I visited Leo’s lair, in Přírodní. It was taking us 1 &1/2h to commute by public transportation between our places. Until December 2013, when the project which brought me was in the process of terminating and I was offered another position in a different project, this time in Chodov. So I decided to take all my stuff and move to Leo, because it was also much easier to go to office from there, although I was physically there just 2-3 times per week.

But don’t worry, the hardship didn’t end, apparently in Leo’s lair meat and eggs were prohibited… I accepted it, more like a challenge. Which, combined with working from home, was a very bad combination on my metabolism and suddenly one day I noticed I’m 12 kg more than when I arrived in CZ… which I managed to lose back in the first half of 2015… thanks to myfitnesspal and runkeeper and to the person from which I got inspired to use these apps.

In May 2014 due to family events Leo had to move back to his home town. So now I ended up commuting between Frydek-Mistek and Prague… I was 2 weeks there, 2 weeks there, more or less. Until June 2015, when I decided that I had enough of moving around and I closed the renting of the Prague apt and I moved here. I like to call it Mystic Falls.

But don’t worry, the trial still didn’t end, considering that first 4&1/2 months from 2016 I spent in hospital…. Yeah, and then I had another 1/2 day visit for a procedure with general anesthesia in November…

But then… somehow… 2017 came. And somehow the positive storm started to come back. I flew over the Atlantic, alone. And I had my feet in the Pacific, in Puerto Vallarta and in the Caribbean Sea at Isla Mujeres and Tulum.

And then team-building came, one day trip, 20 km walking and hiking. And that team-game with the cards. Legendary! We are such a great team, even if we see all of us together barely a couple of times in a year.

And 3 months later, which is now, I’m kept awake at night by the idea of flying to Argentina next spring, for 3 weeks. Making totally realistic plans.. 1225 EUR the plane ticket to Buenos Aires with Aerolineas Argentina. And then local flights to Bariloche and Puerto Iguazu. They have hostels there also, at least in these 3 places I want to be, 15 eur/bed. Food, let’s aprox 30 eur/day. Ok, I would like to see also Santiago and Montevideo, since they are there close, at the throw of a stick, relatively. 😀

And Ushuaia, the so called “at the end of the world”, in the southern hemisphere. With a small stop at Los Glaciares. But I really don’t want to do all that alone and Leo already said no… So now I’m praying for the Universe to send me someone who would like to be my travel companion to Argentina. I speak Spanish fluently btw.

I’ll be here for you

Such a deep sentence. I wonder if the person who wrote it has considered all the depth that can be extracted from it. Anyway, I’d wish to lock in a jar all these little things and open them up whenever I feel under the weather. And under the water, also. Just like a security net, created by positive affirmations, through which I resonate.

I had such an intense day – from the work perspective, that I had forgotten what I dreamed about, until I listened to that song and the lyrics opened me up… into another dimension. A dimension where I allow myself to feel, even if I cannot afford the luxury to attribute them to me anymore, I think I can dive into a role for a while. I mean, in the end it doesn’t really matter from where the inspiration comes, if you can create something out of it. Impersonate unconditional feelings, on electronic paper. And I stress impersonate, so don’t associate anything from this post with me, as it seems to get even more exciting and I can’t be held responsible for the potential damages.

I got so used to these dreams that they’ve lost the element of excitement, they got too familiar, all extracted only through my own subconscious resonance, with no input what so ever from the other side. Although I do remember I woke up with a very interesting energy. Some energy that I felt seldom, after dreaming with that particular character. I might say it was even happiness, would you believe it?! So deep. So dramatic. So worth living for, even if it’s just during the night. Some might say. Because, as I wrote above, I cannot afford the luxury, for me, to still believe it. Although, I admit I was looking for such a deep song all morning, to match it with the dream, but it’s ok that I didn’t find, because I wouldn’t have done anything all day, should I have allowed myself to step inside, even deeper.

So now I remembered scene by scene, everything that I dreamed last night. And it was quite a lot. But I’m still disappointed, because I couldn’t memorize correctly (and remember) those numbers.. the apartment number and some other code, that I was trying to write in my phone memos, hoping.. Although something tells me I could match the door number with 599.

Ok, so I was in the building. I don’t know how I got there. There is actually a particular building and some streets that I always dream about, although they look nothing like the ones from reality. Funny is that I never even saw or been in the ones from reality.

Leaving aside what these things represent for me, I would really be curious to find out what are the interpretations of this dream, from a person who doesn’t know any of the history behind it, aside from the actual dream scenario, that I am comfortable enough to share below.

Ok, so at one point I got to the right floor. It was a long corridor with white walls, and a lot of white doors, all looking the same at the first view, although there was a bit dark so they looked more like grey. I got at the end of the corridor, where it was a balustrade with a big window that was showing outside and big flowers pots next to it, and, on my left side, I was able to match his name, although somehow distorted, with the door. Except that, instead of a normal home, it was a cafeteria 😀 Some sort of cafe-music place. It was called Cafe Nicole. Yeah.. this I do remember!…

And then I saw the news on TV and the owner appeared on the news, awarded as an inspiring person of the community, asking for donations to complete his project.

Yeah, and there was another scene. Before or after the one from above. Or maybe even in the same time. But I’m not gonna share that one. It’s like if I think I’m in love, I’m the only one who’ll ever know.

In another dream, a couple of weeks ago, he was so happy and excited and I asked him what happened recently that made him so vibrant and he told me that he finally found the bug in that AMOS… Imagine my surprise when I searched on google the next morning, as I had no idea what that is. And if it was really a thing at all. What is even more fascinating is that everything happens only in that small box, covered by my dark-blonde, bronzed hair.

PS. I just remembered something else, somehow, either in the papers from the Cafe or at the news I saw mentions that the owner was married. It gets even more interesting.. I pity my future dream interpretations therapist. 😀

Time dilation

Last night when I was half awake, half asleep, a night moth crashed against the dormitory window, just above my head. One second later, I started feeling how every cell of my body begins to hurt.

The thing is… in the state in which I was, in the process of slowly diving into the dreamworld, after the brain had already disconnected the body (what they call sleep paralysis), I experimented time much more slower that usual. Like watching a movie recorded by a slow motion camera, where you notice so many details that you wouldn’t have been able to notice at the normal rate.

My brain was so awake and its processes so clear! When the brain released the adrenaline, as the first response to the noise, it instantly had to re-plug also the body, to activate it for potential movement, and this process created a certain amount of pain, due to a higher blood flow through the relaxed arteries.

That clear that I was able to perceive in the same time, in parallel, my physical, spiritual and emotional body, in such a way that, when the brain initiated the flood of adrenaline, I even visualized it, as a simple chemically-organic process, just like a drop of red ink into a jar of still clear water.

And I concluded that the fear was acknowledged by another part of the brain, after recording the high adrenaline level of the blood. So first it was an unconscious response to the outside’s events, as an adrenaline injection, and barely after, it was the acknowledged scare. Such an amazing brain we have! To be able to engage in the fight mode even before we realize that we may have to fight.

And then, another part of the brain matched that particular noise with one of a crashing night-moth, on the other side of the window, which meant there was no real reason for alert, so it ordered a new injection, this time of endorphin, which diminished the heart beat, to a rate compatible with a pleasant dreaming mode.

I mean, my brain interpreted that noise as a moth flying straight into the glass, but I cannot say for sure that this is what it happened, because I haven’t seen it. It was yet another part of the brain which decided that it was more important at that time for me to invent a calming, plausible justification and go back to sleep as fast as possible.

And all this happened maybe in just a couple of seconds, last night. And, in another second, I pressed “save” and “mark as important”, so the brain will remember it and bring it back into consciousness, at some point tomorrow, to write it on the blog. And I did remember it, with no external help, at around 8 PM, when I was returning from groceries shopping.

And then it took me a couple of hours to find the proper moment and the energy to carve it, in an everlasting form, over this white sheet of electronic papyrus.

North Node conjunct Midheaven

I mean, transiting North Node, will conjunct my Midheaven with maximum on August 16th. And also the Sun will transit conjunct my Midheaven with maximum on the same day. Cool, huh?

On August 25th Saturn will turn direct, passing one more time over my Jupiter-Sun-Neptune from my 2nd House. As if my poor Sun didn’t become responsible enough by now..

Next time when NN will pass over my MC will be in March 2036. I will be celebrating (almost) 30 years of working at that time. The first time this happened for me was January 1999.

Next time I will have Saturn pass over my Sun it will be around my birthday in 2046. First time it was at the end of 1987 (when I had just turned 4..). Is it bad to say that one of the main things that keep me alive is my deep curiosity of experiencing all this Saturn cycle (one more time)? I would probably be soon to retire from work at that time. I would maybe even live on a different planet by then. Who knows?!

You know, a funny thing, they say to live each day like it would be your last. And then you wake up again. And again. And again. And again. And once again you’d have to swipe the shards of all the glasses that you broke while partying too hard the day before (metaphorically).

I think it would be much wiser to live as if you would have to live also tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after. So you put the computer to sleep at 23:00 sharp each odd day (even if that finds you in the middle of one exciting Everwood episode) – respectively 22:30 each even day, because you need time for shower also – brush your teeth & go to bed, because you know you have a long working day tomorrow and the only person whom you’d be causing harm by wasting your night sleep is still you, because you will still have to do the same work load and being not properly slept it would only cause you frustration because you will not be able to focus at the optimum capacity and you will make mistakes and you will still be the only one who would have to discover them (months later) and fix them and your long term plans of advancement will be delayed one more time and you will have to do that excruciatingly manual and repetitive work yet again. And again. And again. Like the levels of Pokemon Go (sorry, I don’t have experience with computer games). Ok, now breathe. 😀

It’s funny. Looks like this Saturn transit managed to discipline me in a very reality grounding way. And not necessarily because of need, as, because of ambition. Yeah.

So why would I want to stress my future children with discipline from a young age? Has Saturn time enough for everything and everyone… at the proper time. I would only show them their map and that’s it, they’ll know what and when to expect. 😀

PS. Nothing exciting happens in Everwood. I started watching it because of Paul Wesley, exactly from that episode, from the middle of season 2, when he entered the series. But then I got captivated by Amy and.. what was the name of that dude, again? that one who speaks so mature for his own age and always pretends to play piano? Yeah, that one.. 😀 Exactly.

Despre disciplina

Meditez si eu, la nemurirea sufletului… Adica sunt constienta ca neavand copii (inca) nu pot decat sa visez asupra subiectului de crescut si educat copiii. Dar, datorita faptului ca si eu am fost odata copil, la randul meu, cred ca am anumite cunostinte cu care sa jonglez..

Am mai scris undeva (sau am incercat sa scriu) ca urasc disciplina. Atat cuvantul cat si actul in sine. O sa incerc sa explic de ce, dar si alternative pe care imi doresc sa le aplic eu in educatia viitorilor mei copii.

Ca o mica paranteza, mie intotdeauna mi s-a spus ca traiesc cu capul in nori sau ca nu sunt ancorata in realitate. De catre parinti, de catre colegi, de catre bullies, de catre primii angajatori… Si o mare parte din viata mea chiar am crezut asta. Chiar am crezut ca traiam cu capul in nori. De ce traiam cu capul in nori? Pai datorita mai multor cauze. Dar nu intru in detaliile educatiei mele si in problemele ei, ca nu mai ies nici dupa 100 de posturi de blog, ci doar voi incerca sa explic cum imi doresc sa procedez eu cu copilul/copiii mei.

  • nu-l voi pedepsi niciodata doar de dragul de a-l pedepsi. de fapt, nu o sa-l pedepsesc niciodata. punct.

Nu-l voi pedepsi niciodata lasandu-l singur “sa mediteze asupra faptului” sau restrictionandu-i accesul la activitatile preferate, care faceau parte din rutina lui. Nu-l vor disciplina, in cel mai rau caz il vor face bipolar. Nu glumesc. Nici macar nu voi mentiona cuvantul pedeapsa de fata cu el. Dar il voi indruma, il voi invata la fiecare pas si ii voi explica posibilele consecinte, mentinandu-l in acelasi timp ancorat in realitate.

Il voi invata responsabilitatea si organizarea timpului si a activitatilor. Il voi invata ambitia de a se auto-depasi, dar nu-l voi pedepsi niciodata pentru greseli. Da stiu, nu se va intampla din momentul in care va veni acasa de la maternitate, dar voi incerca pe cat posibil sa-i introduc o rutina zilnica, o structura a activitatilor.

  • nu-i voi desconsidera niciodata creatiile

Il voi incuraja intotdeauna sa progreseze, il voi invata atat cat stiu eu si il voi indruma sa caute invatator in continuare, daca pe mine va ajunge sa ma depaseasca subiectul.

Eu consider ca din momentul in care copilul vorbeste in propozitii intelege absolut tot ce-i spui, atat timp cat nu iesi din mediul lui familiar. Sunt 100% convinsa ca unui copil nu trebuie sa-i repeti de 10 ori acelasi lucru. (Asta presupunand ca nici tu si nici el nu sunteti sever incapacitati mintal).

Copilul e mult mai prezent decat adultul, traieste mult mai ancorat in realitate decat adultul, chiar daca pare ciudat (iti explic daca vrei, in privat, cum am ajuns la concluzia asta), iar daca el nu schiteaza un gest ca ar fi inteles din prima, nu trebuie sa-i repeti.

Treci mai departe. Ii vei explica acelasi lucru in 10 moduri diferite, pana rezoneaza cu explicatia si cu motivatia, dar pe principiul azi o data – ii explici intr-un fel, maine sau poimaine – a doua oara, ii explici in alt fel etc. Cam ca la diversificare asa.

Dar nu uita ca el va absorbi inclusiv cum ii explici, ce gesturi faci, ce tonalitate a vocii folosesti, ce se aude in fundal, cum miroase in jur, cu ce esti imbracat, ce alunita ai pe mana dreapta, ce cicatrice ai pe mana stanga etc.

Si da, il voi lasa intotdeauna sa faca ce vrea el, pentru ca nu-mi va fi niciodata frica de posibilele actiuni ale lui. Voi avea grija sa-i ofer suficiente metode de stimulare mentala si emotionala incat sa nu fie nevoie sa-si doreasca sa faca lucruri imorale, ilegale sau care vor cauza suferinta lui sau a altor oameni/vietati.

Si da, il voi lasa sa invete si singur din propriile lui actiuni, dar ma voi asigura in primul rand ca se simte iubit, inteles si in siguranta cu mine si nu va cauta asta in locurile nepotrivite.

  • voi fi cat mai deschisa emotional posibil catre el

Inteligenta emotionala este un subiect de care m-am interesat de cand m-am intersectat prima oara cu notiunea de “alexitimie”. Am ajuns la concluzia sumbra ca generatia mea si a parintilor mei are o inteligenta emotionala care tine spre 0(zero). Ca idee: daca nu stii sa explici (nici macar tie insuti) de ce faci un anumit lucru, care te face sa te simti incomfortabil, inseamna ca esti manipulat.

Apoi, datorita astrologiei, am ajuns sa studiez suficient de multe circumstante, posibile si imposibile, mai mult sau mai putin metaforice, de a intelege ceea ce simt ceilalti, in raport cu tine, iar premiza de la care am plecat, de fiecare data, e ca absolut fiecare om e diferit, fiecare psihic e diferit si fiecare situatie e diferita.

Fiecare moment e unic si absolut fiecare moment creaza.

  • voi incerca pe cat posibil sa nu-l mint sau sa-l induc in eroare, pe motiv ca e prea mic sa inteleaga sau “ca sa nu se streseze prea tare, sa-si traiasca copilaria”

Il voi invata valoarea banilor pe masura capabilitatii lui de a intelege. Daca observ ca are atractie, o sa-l invat finante si contabilitate primara chiar dinainte sa inceapa gradinita.

Sau orice altceva, daca o sa aiba atractie. Spre exemplu limbi straine. Sau desen. Sau muzica. Sau orice altceva, o sa invatam impreuna, dar doar daca o sa faca acea activitate din pasiune. O sa-i ofer pe cat posibil sansa sa invete ce vrea si o sa incerc pe cat posibil sa-l indrum corect, recunoscandu-i si limitele mele.

Consider ca atunci cand un copil pune o intrebare isi doreste si un raspuns. Si nu neaparat un raspuns chiar la acea intrebare. O sa puna aceeasi intrebare de mai multe ori si la mai multe persoane ori pentru ca a uitat ori ca sa testeze consecventa ori ca sa descopere ceva nou despre acel subiect.

Eu abia astept sa-i povestesc si sa-i citesc copilului meu cate in luna si in stele (poate si la propriu, daca il vad interesat de subiect), in orice tara voi fi si in orice limba voi ajunge sa-i citesc. Dar da, nu pot sa stiu cum va arata sistemul educational peste 5, 10, 15 ani, pot doar sa-mi imaginez.

Il voi lasa intotdeauna sa faca independent activitatile pe care poate sa le faca singur, oricat de mult timp o sa-i ia sa faca asta, de cand o sa-l vad ca poate: mancat, baut, imbracat, legat la sireturi, etc.

  • voi controla, pe cat posibil, exteriorul in care se desfasoara copilul, cat mai baby-proof posibil, si nu voi sta numai cu gura pe el sa nu faca aia sau cealalta

E simplu de inteles.

  • nu-l voi face niciodata sa planga din cauza mea (adica sa ma rastesc la el sau sa-l bruschez etc); nu-i voi spune niciodata sa taca (cu atat mai mult din plans); nu-i voi spune niciodata sa faca aia sau aialalta “pentru ca asa am zis eu”, “ca sunt parintele tau si trebuie sa ma asculti” – O, nu, fac urticarie numai cand aud asta!!

Mi-e rusine sincer. Imi vine sa ma bag sub pamant la ideea ca as face un copil sa planga, ca rezultat al actiunilor mele necugetate. Sau ca as creste un robot docil, sec sufleteste, usor de manipulat de oricine. M-as simti ca si cum as fi trait absolut degeaba atatia ani pe acest Pamant.

As fi dispusa sa negociez cu el pana in panzele albe, daca as avea (neaparat) nevoie ca el sa faca ceva pentru mine, dar nu-l voi obliga niciodatata sa faca ceva ce nu-i face placere sau nu se simte comfortabil sa faca (la momentul respectiv).

Si da, n-o sa-l cresc singura. Deci ii voi inmana (si traduce, dupa caz) si partenerului (sau partenerei) textul de mai sus si vom bifa impreuna fiecare punct, din timp. Si vom adauga multe altele. 🙂

PS. Peste 2 luni fac 5 ani de cand am emigrat. Incepe sa-mi fie greu sa leg propozitii coerente in limba romana. 😀