Jupiter transit conjunct Ascendant and other stuff

So this happens only once in 12 years: I’m gonna have Jupiter transiting my Ascendant, starting end of next week and making tight contact for about one month also with the natal Venus and natal Saturn, then on March 9th will turn Retrograde and will go back up until 1 degree to my Ascendant, when will turn Direct, on July 10th. Then, while traveling my 1st House, on Nov 9th, 2018 will enter Sagittarius. And on Jan 1st, 2019 after saying Hi to my natal Uranus, will enter my 2nd House, where it belongs, in the House that is governing. 🙂

“There can be a tendency to put on excess weight during this transit.”, says CafeAstrology. Yeah, I wonder how much more, considering how much I got this year already. I can only hope this time will be for a good purpose. Yeah, I’m dreaming.

Last time I had Jupiter transit conjunct my Ascendant, I was with Erasmus in Spain. But I cannot separate what part of that was Jupiter’s energy and what was Pluto’s transiting conjunct my Sun, as it felt everything was so bitter-sweet. I did grow up a lot in those months! And it took Pluto 10 years to get to my 3rd House, but not after having overclocked my Mercury (conjunct) and Mars (square) for the past 2 years… as if they weren’t enough challenged by being in a square in the natal chart. Honestly, I’ve been dreaming for so long, for this time when Pluto will enter my 3rd House.

So from the beginning of 2018, when Saturn will finally leave my Sun-Neptune in peace, I’m expecting things to go back to “normal” and to feel that I’m really living on this Earth and not just surviving through a long-term celestial transition. Ok, there will be another small bump in the road, during Jan-Feb 2019, when Saturn will get to “meet and greet” my Mercury-Mars thing.

Advertisements

Flooded by Neptune

It’s 2:34 and I came down-stairs, listening Symphony on repeat for the past two hours now and flirting with a can of beans in tomato sauce. I guess it’s still better than sweets or bread with cheese.

I’m not ready for this reality. I mean, everything seems so tough lately. And usually, people share the “after” story, because for the “during” they can’t find the power or the words to describe the experience. So I’m doing it. Now I’m anxious that my day tomorrow is ruined, because of not getting enough sleep. Also, the other plans are on hold – if no action taken in the past days was effective enough – because I finally realized that I’m simply not prepared for this reality. Saturn has to go far away from my Sun first!

Last week I thought I had a plan cleared out, following the same idea that came to me on November 1st. On Saturday, after inaugurating the new coffee filter that Leo bought by surprise (almost 5 years had passed from the moment I started suggesting it and having given up eventually, while getting used with the french-press), we ran some errands in the morning and in the afternoon we managed to clean the whole house spotless (I mean, the habited areas) and I even glued frozen stars on the windows. And then we drove to Ostrava on Sunday and I was feeling quite proud of myself for what I have managed to achieve, that I even rewarded my efforts by indulging in the purchase of a toy Unicorn. I love it. And some pink running brisk walking shoes and another activewear hoodie, grey and pink, exactly like the one I dreamed about, with the zipper. 🙂

Yesterday I felt so sleepy in the evening that I went to bed at 21ish. But I was forcing myself to read a book about parenting that would only piss me off. Maybe I’m completely naive, but I imagine my conversations with my future baby to be different from the ones depicted (and advised) in those books. I mean, I’m dreaming that 90% of the communication with my child will be non-verbal, mostly emotional and telepathic. What really pushes all my buttons (in a negative way) is when they are teaching you to tell the baby to “wait for 5 minutes”, while you talk with the dad or with an adult friend of yours or while you have a coffee on your own in the kitchen. OK. As if a baby would get born with an innate sense of what 5 minutes mean. Besides, the dad or the friend can wait/find other stuff to entertain themselves for 5 minutes, whereas the baby will grow unbelievably fast and head off to college in like the blink of an eye = has priority.

Anyway. This afternoon I found myself covered by the same sleepiness, only this time it came also with a headache. And some unbearable anxiety, related in particular to the process of giving birth, which I managed to reduce by some comforting readings I found online. And then I read (accidentally) that the actual pregnancy put together pro-cons might be much worse than those few hours of labor and delivery. And I’m not even pregnant. That’s the problem, last year I started stressing out barely around week 7 when I noticed the morning sickness is not increasing, this year I started stressing out literally (and literary) from (potential) Day 1.

And when a stuffed nose joined the show, I couldn’t take it anymore so I took a Nurofen. I gave up everything. Enough is enough. And then, after 1 hour of showing no signs that it will take my pain away, I had a tantrum. It’s a quite unbalancing feeling knowing that you are relatively alone in this world when you need comfort the most because the people with whom you would feel comfortable to go to for advice either they don’t have what you need either they don’t want to provide it (for free) either they want to sleep. And then I used also a decongestant (after almost 3 weeks without touching it). And just 10 seconds were enough to feel light again, I couldn’t cry, but I took my glasses and my blanket and ran down-stairs, to my unicorn, to meditate as I know best: through writing.

And yeah – I found two reasons for bringing another human being into this world: music and food. These are the only two things I can assure my child he/she will never miss. Ok, already started doubting the food thing. I don’t know yet what they are planning to serve when we will embark on the space shuttle to one of Saturn’s Moons.

There might be love also (and the feeling of being in love) but statistically, considering how many frogs and beasts we have to deal with, until finding the prince, this brings more misery than happiness, so not that much worth going through all this turmoil, in the end. I would even consider this as the main con reason: fucked up human’s emotions. Because nobody will ever hold you tight and not let go. Aside from your unicorn.

Costa Rica?

Parece que tengo un amigo en America Central. O amiga, porque las estadísticas de visitas de mi blog no tienen un campo para sexo F/M. Dios, estoy pensando en Ingles y tengo el impulso de buscar las palabras en Español con Google Translate. Esto es mucho bad. 😀

Ahora, en serio. Desde unos días tengo visitas desde Costa Rica. Cool. Esto me acuerda de esa visita que tuve desde Panama al principio de Septiembre. 1% de mi mente me dice que podrá ser la misma persona. Los otros 99% son mi sentido de realidad.

Que mas. Mañana es el cumple de un amigo que me híze durante la estancia en el hospital, el año pasado. Tengo dudas si escribirle o no, ya que veo que han pasado 6 meses desde la última vez que hemos chateado de algo. Pues, ni modo. A que se entienda que le he escrito aquí, entre las parabras, para no molestarle. Y como coincidencía, anoche he soñado con el, porque de otro modo ni me había recordado de su cumple.

Estoy contanto los días hasta mi viaje a Tel Aviv. Parece que tengo un talento para escoger estas destinaciones, en vez de ir de vacaciones para relajar, yo me atrevo de visitar un país en el cual a penas sé decir Hola. Y esto significaría un nuevo continente conquistado en mi mapa. Y después, Marruecos? Ya que se me han ido las ganas de volar hasta Argentina. Too much lejos y too much expenso.

No puedo más escribir en Español, mi cabeza parece estar vacía. O sea que la próxima vez me voy a empeñar de escribir en alemán.

About drivers, rulers and ghosts

Found something funny regarding the ruler of the 12th House in 2st House: “you’re a part-time ghost hunter or channel”. And about my ruler of the 12th House in 1st House (Venus, in my case): “you have a ghostly countenance”. More here. I like this site, it has so many combinations of words for each of the aspects, to be inspired from.

They say that the Sun is the Driver, the Ascendant is the Vehicle and the Ascendant’s ruler and its house is where we are going. Cool.

And then this part with the Houses’ rulers I find it amazing. Finally, something that is putting the pieces together, but in a way that are still usable to create your own chart’s puzzle. For example, Sagittarius Sun in 2nd House: “Earning a living in a foreign country”. Neptune in Sagittarius: “dream explorer”. Ruler of the 3rd House in the 1st House: “Talking, writing, singing, gossiping, and diary writing are a part of our personality.” Ruler of the 2nd House in the 2nd House (Jupiter): “You earn money by being involved in finance.”

Ruler of the 5th House in 2nd House (Neptune): “Drama, theater, music, art, dance and sports are all ways to make money and pay the bills.” and then “You expect your children to help pay the bills.”. Ok, this one is funny.

And that’s it, for now, I have one episode of Outlander to finish.

Ok, ok, one more. Ruler of the 1st House in 12th House (Pluto): “Your self-expression is focused on helping people acknowledge fears in order to bring them to light.”

Today I don’t want to

I mean, I’m trying at least to give myself the impression that I have a choice. 🙂 Today I’m in my own bubble of peace.

Yesterday I re-discovered my user profile from the community of drawers. Yeah, I know “drawers” means something else, but I don’t know how to spell the word = the person who makes drawings – and I don’t want to bother myself to search.

I mean, there is something epic here:
Name: Phoenix (XXII)
Age: 34
Member from: 10 years and 85 days ago
Last drawing: 7 years ago.

I wonder why I stopped. I remember I was pretty much captivated in the last ones of the drawings. I remember how peaceful I was feeling when I was spending hours in a row making them.

Average grade: 10 (maxim).

Probably that’s why.

And if it were to choose the most irrelevant details from that user profile I would choose the Age. 34?! Really? When?! It’s like yesterday I was 24. Age might give one an idea about the amount of experience in the work field, for example, but regarding maturity, not that much.

[…] = I had more text here and also another post, but I decided, in the end, to keep them for myself only. You’re welcome 😀

Draga Saturn..

Ba, m-am cam saturat de tine.

Adica, dupa ce ca ne cunoastem, din prima secunda in care am deschis ochii pentru prima oara, stateai la panda pe linia orizontului – ca nu cumva sa ma vrajeasca prea tare Venus, care venise prima la inaintare -, de pe la inceputul lui 2017, te tot plimbi, ba inainte, ba inapoi, peste Soarele meu. Dupa ce ca saracul Soare nu stia cum sa se imparta mai bine intre Jupiter si Neptun, acum ai mai venit si tu pe capul lui.

Am obosit, ba, Saturnule. Adica vrei prea multe de la mine. Ai dat in schimb inapoi, ce-i drept, dar parca n-ai vrut sa mai pui nimic-nimic si de la tine. Jupiter e ceva mai generos. Dar parca nici asta nu-ti convine, ai venit sa faci audit peste toate registrele lui Jupiter din ultimii aprox 29 de ani, adica de cand ai trecut ultima data pe aici, sa nu cumva sa fi facut evaziune fiscala sau sa-mi fi dat vreodata mai mult decat mi se cuvenea. Si atunci ai mai venit si cu Uranus de manuta.. norocul tau ca nu-mi mai aduc aminte, aveam doar 4 ani. Si norocul tau cu Jupiter, ca e baiat de treaba si nu-i place scandalul, ca daca te luai de Pluto iesea cu scantei.

Cum? L-ai luat si pe Pluto la bani marunti? Unde, cand? Eu unde eram? Pe scena, zburam peste un cuib de cuci, zici? Pai da, am zburat de tot, din cauza ta, peste cuib, peste teatru si peste Romania de tot.

Si il ai in lista de prioritati si pe Neptun. Dar am totusi intuitia ca Neptun te face. Te fenteaza oleaca daca vrea neaparat, adica daca vede ca ti-o iei prea tare in serios, iti mai pune de cate o cafea irlandeza. Sau iti distrage atentia cu niste power-point-uri frumos colorate, in timp ce isi ia si Soarele o vacanta si zboara peste o mare-doua, cu prietenul lui cel mai bun, Jupiter. N-oi crapa nici tu o saptamana.

M-ai imbolnavit, ba Saturn. De 3 saptamani sunt pe medicamente.. intai mi-ai intepenit spatele si umarul stang, apoi mi-ai cauzat durere in gat si voce horror, iar azi, cand credeam ca am scapat in sfarsit, m-ai facut sa ma trezesc si cu buza umflata si cu buba pe ea. Iar am dat 500 de coroane pe medicamente. Noroc ca a mers cardul de puncte flexi si nu le-am platit cu bani. Si ca sa-ti fac in ciuda mi-am cumparat un ghiveci de mini-trandafir galben, de la magazinul de langa farmacie. Cum? Trandafirul galben reprezinta succes in cariera? Serios? Ma scuzi, adica stiu ca esti serios, tu si cand glumesti esti serios.

Ba Saturn.. deci pe langa faptul ca ma stresezi de-mi vine sa te arunc pe geam, nici sa ma relaxez ca la carte nu ma lasi. Adica imi pregatesc eu sarea de baie parfumata, pe care am cumparat-o acum 2 ani direct de la salina si n-am avut inspiratia niciodata pana acum sa o folosesc, imi pregatesc lumanarele pentru decor, frec bine cada pana straluceste si apoi dau drumul la apa fierbinte. Si te-ai gasit tu repede sa-mi demonstrezi ca bazinul de apa, pe care l-a incalzit focul din soba, are un volum mai mic chiar si decat o jumatate de cada. Adica daca mai lasam apa sa curga ma trezeam ca era complet rece. Si tot m-am clatit cu apa calaie si nici nu m-am relaxat cum trebuie.

Si apoi te intrebi de ce te urasc, ba, Saturn! Nu puteai sa-l lasi tu pe saracul Venus in pace, acum aproximativ 34 de ani? In linistea lui acolo, nici nu apucase sa-si bea cafeaua, nici macar Soarele nu rasarise. Ba, macar daca ma ajuti sa descopar ca exista universuri paralele, as zice ca ai si tu un rost. Cum? Aia e treaba lui Uranus? Pai si acum imi spui?! Ma rog. Ai o saptamana la dispozitie sa-ti prezinti pledoaria de aparare si sa-ti justifici utilitatea, altfel te detronez, cu inelele tale cu tot, si il pun pe Uranus la conducere.

 

Love, in the nooks and crannies

I had a nice dream. I fell asleep with my usual desire of what to dream about, but this time I got attracted into something else. Or someone else. It’s like, love works in mysterious ways, you send it where you want to, but then you never know from where you will get it back. And I don’t mind, I have accepted a long time ago, that we are all connected, in a way or another.

It’s so hard to talk about love. It’s like the world (and the society) has somehow made pure love a taboo topic. I understand people love in different ways and it is a good thing, as together we can discover much more aspects of it and ourselves. But I have this feeling, it got to a certain point, when you say you love someone, you are looked upon as if you have some life-threatening disease. It is ok to love, people! And it is OK to love more people in the same time.

I dreamed for the past 3 nights with 3 different persons. All different than the one who usually finds my dreams, which, funny actually, in the last dream I had, he told me, as a conclusion, that there is no more passion between us. I mean, I do understand that this may not be necessarily a good thing, to live only in the dreams, but I guess this is my life, I cannot have them all in the objective plane. Some things have to be sacrificed for other things to work in the objective, material, plane. This is how it works for me. And it makes me wake up with a smile on my face when I live a different story every night, as, with each of these dream-persons I discover a different side of me. A different way in which I can love.

And the one from last night.. it feels a bit more special than the rest. Probably because it’s the newest acquired. I’m projecting both an angel and a genius into this one, I wonder what will be left of it when reality will finally set it. Now I wonder how the other people see me.

But now a funny story, this time from the objective, material, reality.

Yesterday after work I had to go to the city to buy some stuff. I spent 3 hours through Fryda and when the taxi brought me home with 3 shopping bags I was feeling, surprisingly, quite energized. I first wanted to start the washing machine, but then I thought maybe is too late.. And then I remembered when I was living in Bucharest, I remembered about those times when I was doing so many things, when procrastination was simply not on my list of things to do. I was wondering what happened to that ME, how did I leave myself fall and drown, that much.

So I sat in front of the computer, in my usual spot on the couch, with a new episode of The Good Witch. And I thought I saw something black with the corner of my left eye, crawling on the white cover from the table, 10 cm away from my arm. And then, when I really looked, I freaked out for few seconds. It was the biggest spider I ever saw in my life so far, it had like 6 cm diameter and hairy legs and I could even see its eyes. So close to me! I am freaking out a lot about spiders, maybe because I find them very dark creatures and extremely unpredictable. And I was home alone. And this spider has literally threatened my comfort zone.

But now if I think back… last weekend we vacuumed all the spider webs from the old storage room and from the room of the heating stove, so I guess I threatened their space first, so, a certain percent of me was expecting something like this to happen.

After few seconds of panic, I took a picture and sent to Leo and he replied “cool”. Seriously?! I’m freaking out here. So I went for the vacuum cleaner, I just didn’t know what else to do. But, by the time I came back with it, the terrifying creature had disappeared. But where? Between my blankets and my pillows from the couch? Under the keyboard? Behind the printer? Or in those old notebook boxes from under the table?

So I had to deep breathe and bring out the brave ME and slowly take each of these things aside and vacuum them, as I didn’t bring it for nothing… And, after vacuuming half of the room in the search for courage, there I found it. It was in one of the boxes, between the old notebooks and some other memories stuff that I had in there.. So I first intended to simply vacuum it. But it kept strong and then it started crawling under stuff.

And that’s when something big happened inside of me: I sensed his fear. I felt his scare. He was just a simple being, probably more scared than I was. So I leaned the box and he got out, running over the old carpet from the living room, that I had just vacuumed from Bonnie’s fur, while procrastinating on how to deal with The Intruder. He was running quite fast, but I did catch his trajectory and put an empty box of Ginkgo Biloba tablets just in front of him and he went straight into it.

And then I slowly and carefully closed it: “Pavoucek was caught!” And then I took it out and left it next to the door. And I continued vacuuming, downstairs and then also upstairs, vigorously brushing all carpets, thing that is usually on the to-do list for Saturday morning. Amazing how much fur can Bonnie lose in one week in this time of the year!… I mean, the adrenaline that the spider caused in me had to be released somehow. And then, after I finished, just as I was getting out from the shower, like a fresh flower after a summer rain, Leo came back to rescue. Sure.

About love and the end of time

Why is it that is much easier to accept you have an obsession with someone or something than to admit that what you feel is real love? Simple and sincere love. Maybe it comes from self-esteem. Because love is free. So if you admit it, it means that you are doing it consciously, which means that, at some level, you lie to yourself. Believing in an obsession it somehow takes your responsibility out of the equation, as if you had no choice, it was over you, destiny took you by surprise.. or not. Because admitting love comes with a lot of responsibility. Like with the fox, from the Little Prince, you become automatically responsible for what you love. Or, at least, I cannot see it another way. So love can be only mature and conscious, you cannot love if you are not baked enough. It’s a bit funny though, in order to love you don’t necessarily need also to understand. So, instead of focusing on understanding, it’s more effective to focus on loving. It automatically positions you on a higher level. But don’t confuse it with blindly believing.

Some nights ago while I was trying to fall asleep cuddling with my Leo – my left leg was hurting – while I was listening to his heartbeat I somehow got hypnotized and I had some revelations. One of them was so vivid that I almost felt it happening in front of my eyes. I was thinking about the heart. How can it beat and beat and keep beating disregarding absolutely everything else, while nobody is pushing it to do so. Or is it? And I was seeing how, somewhere, in the very far future, yet far only in numbers speaking, because for me, that moment, was as if I was seeing a possible end of time all together. I was seeing how a human was literally constructed like a lego, by a higher dimensional being: a beating heart, kidneys, lungs, eyes, ligaments, skin… with enough information stored in every cell, to be able to reproduce itself. They are already able, even in our generation, to create artificial skin and replicate stem cells in order to create any organ and they are still humans, the ones who managed this.

So in a certain future, somewhere when this technic of creating human cells, each with her own different function, has been perfected, probably God exists – as the higher dimensional being who created the human. It was sounding pretty SF, 4000-5000 years ago, but now, not that much. They say we only use 10% of our brain. Ok, they corrected it, that we use consciously only 10% of our brain, the rest is used for other processes that we don’t know about. Not even the more advanced ones, the ones who study it for a living.

So 1%. I think 1% is just enough to move the focus from obsession to free, sincere and unconditional love and to accept it, as a choice and not as a fatality. And accept vulnerability.

And then, today I saw something else. I understood something greater. But I’m not gonna write about that, I’m gonna write about the fact that is so much more energy saving to just listen, than to try to combat everything that comes to change you. I mean, is hard sometimes when you cannot fade out when someone is speaking to you and all your guts say to fight that, in the attempt of saving your energy, because you already know where the conversation leads and you’ve been there many times before and you just want to save your breath by putting a stop to it as soon as possible because it’s a dead end. But guess what, staying always engaged in this fighting mode, with all walls at maximum power, in the attempt to reject absolutely everything that tries to touch you, is not saving energy.

Being free, is saving energy. All walls down. Peacefully free. So, thanks and… I love you too. 🙂 You too.

Let it go, let it go…

There are so many emotions running through me right now that I cannot pick just one to express it. I feel like a Time Lord just before the regeneration. I literally feel how my chest is about to open and a beam of sparkling fire will burst out.

I might have mentioned, last week, that I had a hard week. Let me say just ha ha ha ha ha. Little did I know. Yeah… I’ve been feeding myself this week exclusively on frozen pizza and frozen vegetables in the oven. I feel like SuperMan on the inside – like I’m saving the world. Like I’m the only one who can save the world. I wonder if I might’ve gotten crazy, judging also on the dream that I had last night.

Also, you know what they say… the fastest way to get to hate something is to turn it into a profession. I mean, I didn’t get to turn it yet, literally, into a profession, but the reading material that keeps flowing ceaselessly in my astrology school group has made me a little… adverse… I mean, it was much more fun when I was doing it for fun. But maybe this is the point, that it should not be for fun, it should be serious business, metaphorically speaking. One thing I’m sure: it is much more effective as a way and not as a purpose.

Should I say what I dreamed last night? I can’t, really, I’m quite open-minded, but that thing was too much taboo even for me. I don’t even know where to start to search online for interpretations.

Remind me next time when I will have Jupiter transit to my 12th House to take a Sabbatical year. Lucky it only happens once in 12 years, so I have enough time to plan it, for 2029 ish. Pizza is ready! 🙂

I wonder if they will still recognize me after I will complete my regeneration. :))

One month later – THM

Klara is back online. 🙂

– So, did you have enough time to meditate?

– Jason!, Hi. … Meditate?!

– Yeah, about what I wrote you last time. That obsessions are not good.

– Jason, you don’t even know me. Seriously, you have no idea what has been going on in my life since the last time I saw you. I doubt you had an idea at all, even when we were seeing each other… in classes. More or less. You got stuck on something that I told you, something that happened almost 10 years ago and you just cannot see anything else aside that. And you come to me with the thing that obsessions are not good.

– ?!

– Yes, you don’t know anything at all about me. You know actually this makes me feel disappointed. I’ve been living in an illusion and you in an obsession. I always had this feeling of warmth coming from you, as if you were aware of everything that I was doing, I mean, in the good way, like watching me in a form of a guardian angel. Now I realize, maybe, the one that was guiding me was one of Moon’s angels. Btw, how is Moon, is she ok?

– Leave Moon aside from this, please. I mean, seriously, you were dreaming of me guiding your steps, you know I have my own life also.

– So then why we still continue having this conversation? It’s late and I want to go to bed.

– Oh, yeah, I forgot you’re 7h behind me.

Or ahead. Actually I lost track which one of the two characters was in Mexico.

– But seriously, Jason, I don’t know what you want from me. People do grow up, it’s been 10 years, move on. (Ok, actually it’s been 9, but Klara was rounding up for dramatic effect). I mean, have you even seen my Linkedin profile, just out of curiosity? I started watching “The Good Witch”. I think I found my role-model, what I want to become in the next 10 years.

– Got it, blonde girl. Actually this is what I do remember about you and smile, I remember how blonde you were. Cassie is quite the opposite of blonde..

– You know Cassie? 😀

– Of course, I’m at season 4 already.

– What?! But they didn’t even start filming for season 4.

– Well, I guess you understand where I am, now. Where I stand in your life, as long as I can see your future, what’s the point in being up to date with your past? Do you even remember how you got that job in the first place?

– Good joke. Sure, now you are trying to charm me, I thought the shoes of the angel I was seeing you were too big for you to walk in them so you rejected the role I offered you.

– Cassie… a, sorry, Klara – I was just trying to get to know you. I mean, if Cassie is not the perfect peaceful character, I don’t know who else might be.

– Good night Jason. Kiss Meredith from me 😉